Sunday, August 03, 2008

Think Up Your Own Damn Title

This was supposed to be Saturday's post, but Larry hogged the computer all day yesterday trying to straighten out our finances. You see, I threw a teeny-tiny hissy fit in the morning and told him I wanted to leave town for more than 3 days and that I wasn't going to spend a week in a tent. And I didn't care if I already spent our vacation money on someone else's bumper, I need to escape in August just like everyone else does around here, dammit.

So, he picked up on my subtle intimations of discontent (probably at the point when I threatened to dissolve the kids' college funds) and spent the day combing through our finances looking for some "extra" money. While he was at it, he attempted to deal with the confusion of our main credit card being farmed out to some new company that we didn't want; but that involved switching all our automatic payments over to a different credit card, and that meant trying to remember approximately 16 gazillion different passwords and PINs in order to access all the different accounts.

I hate seeing a grown man cry like that.

So I decided to deal with a minor knitting crisis while I waited my turn at the computer. You see, Anna's flute camp had a performance Friday evening; and knitting is the only thing that keeps me from acting up like a 3-year-old at these things, as it is all I can do to sit still through any sort of performance (much less a high school one) without sedation. But as I settled in my seat in the auditorium and pulled out the sock I was planning to work on, I realized that 1 of the 4 double-pointed needles I needed was missing.

Folks, I felt as if I had just jumped out of a plane without a parachute. There I was, with nothing to do for 3 solid hours. I whiled away an hour of it retracing my steps and searching for my missing needle (size 0, bamboo - have you seen it?). That was fun, if unsuccessful. Then I spent the 2nd hour repeatedly taking Susie (who was behaving way better than I was) down to the water fountain and back up to our seats (that's what you get for feeding the kids high-sodium-content fast food before the performance). The 3rd hour, I slumped in my seat and mourned all that lost knitting time.

So today I had to rummage through all my knitting bags (and they are legion) to locate the 5th matching needle. As any knitter knows, this sort of exercise is rife with regrets and self-condemnation, as it requires facing up to innumerable unfinished projects and a level of disorganization that makes the inside of my refrigerator look good. I unearthed things I didn't even know I had: 2 baby hats that I finished for Afghans for Afghans and then forgot to send; a vest I knitted for Rachel and never completed the neck edging on; a pair of socks that only need the ends woven in; a top-down hat that I started last October; and a bunch of yarn that I was supposed to have made into a mistake-rib scarf months ago. There were also assorted needles of indeterminate sizes, many tape measures, crumpled printouts of patterns, an old bag of cough drops, a comb, and a petrified french fry.

So I did what any self-respecting knitter would do. I gave up and started a new project. I sat upstairs and knitted Susie to sleep, as it were; and when I came down, I found Larry sitting disconsolately in his chair, surrounded - nay, engulfed - by a year's worth of paperwork. "Everything's a mess," he said. "I'm a slob. I can't find anything."

What can I say? We're a match made in heaven.

Oh, and in case any of you thought I was exaggerating the dismal outlook for women in their forties the other day, think again. For those of you who are click-averse, that link is to an msnbc article that is titled

Men End Up Happier Than Women Later In Life

Just remember, you heard it here first. The article mentions that age 48 is when "men's overall happiness exceeds women's overall happiness." Now, that makes perfect sense to me. That's just the point in life when many men dump their menopausal ball-and-chains to take off with some strumpet half their age. Is it any wonder the guys' happiness exceeds ours at that point?

Of course, I'm not too worried about that happening to me, what with the deal Larry and I have worked out.


  1. Time wasted--I know the feeling. I HATE that.
    Your inventory of knitting bags made me laugh--I have files like that--was digging in some yesterday and found all kinds of weird stuff that I kept and goodness knows why.

    That article sort of supports my belief that widowed women of a "certain age" are happier than married women of a "certain age." Anyway....

  2. I disagree with the happiness thing completely--personally, I'm happier than ever and I credit it to enjoying my current life state while planning for the next era.

  3. I have been trying to rack my brain for an appropriate title, but I think your "think up your own damn title" really works best.

    I do, however, think you deserve some sort of award for the 3 hours of flute peformance.


  4. Yeah, I'm with Cheri, it's the menfolks FAULT!
    Lord knows it isn't mine!!!;-)

  5. I love the deal you've worked out. it's perfect and completely fair. (Well, maybe not to the kids but who's worried about that?)

  6. The Day I'll Never Get Back

    Perhaps not the best title? I think yours is just fine. I'm not sure I could do 3 HOURS of flute recital. I don't love the time kids activities steal away from me.

  7. Oh, heavens, yes. I feel like that when I have a few moments and find myself without a book or even paper and pen. YES.

  8. When I can't find something, I try and decide if it would take less time to look for it, or to drive to the store to buy another one. (only small stuff, nothing huge)
    Yesterday, I cleaned off my computer desk, and found quite a few things that I had been looking for a while ago, so now I have more of the same thing to lose.

  9. Yeah, I would have thought they reached that point a lot sooner. But it's my opinion that marriage is generally a better deal for men than women.

    I feel your pain with the 3 hour recital. I've sat through a 2 hour dance recital just to see my girl in 2 songs. Fun time.

  10. Wow! You have a man who admits that he's a slob! That is truly amazing. But don't let him keep you away from the computer for a whole day again. I need my daily fix. It keeps me happy.

  11. I learnt to knit the last time I tried to quit smoking. It worked really well (till I stopped!) but I got some very funny looks from people at work conferences....

    The Broken Man

  12. I'm not sure which would be worse - a three-hour concert or a knitting project.

  13. I can't even come up with decent titles for my own DARN posts, I'm not doing yours too.

    After reading this I'm thinking that maybe I should take up kntting. I need an excuse for all my half finished projects.

    Oh, and good for you for doing the baby hats too. I need to find time for helping others like this too...bad me.

  14. I feel your pain on the loss of productive time while attending the flute program. Glad you had suzie to distract you!

    Still not up and working completely on our computer front...UGH.
    Blessings, E

  15. Flute camp?--yikes--yea, sedation might be a requirement!

    Love the statement about starting a new project in the face of the finding the remnants of old ones--I've got some creative ADD like that myself--(although I prefer to call it Creative Genius--if we're gonna label things and all)!

    As usual, you've brought a giggle to my day!

  16. Our house is pretty much in the same state as yours, from the sound of things---wouldn't it be nice if at least one partner was an organizer? I do have high hopes for my son, though....

    And be careful---if your hubby gets too desperate to fund your trip, he may resort to the same tactics I did.

  17. Oops, I see my husband has been playing with my computer again---Grrr. That last comment was from houndrat and not sdriza! :)

  18. I know why you're so cranky. Now it's August and you KNOW you have to stop procrastinating and get back to that school stuff you've been ridiculing your friends for doing all summer. Serves you right.

  19. You have mentioned not getting enough nap time lately? I guess maybe that wasn't an appropriate flute program activity. :)

    Or, you could have written some extra blog post titles on your hand to save for later.

    No one would have known.

  20. Looking for money? Just remove a zero from each bill payment and it shall come to you...

  21. This solution is beautiful in its simplicity. Stupid, but beautiful.

  22. Wait wait wait - you mean, there was actually a point where a woman's happiness was greater than a man's?

  23. I'm going to add "using strumpet in a sentence" to the list of reasons I love you.