Monday, September 21, 2009

Health News You Shouldn't Read

I don't know how I managed to nurture my hypochondriacal neuroses before the Internet came along. I mean, what's an occasional article in the Readers Digest compared to the plethora of health information now at my fingertips?


First up, this article which mentions a link between depression and Alzheimer's disease. It says, "[P]eople who showed signs of depression before the age of 60 were four times more likely to develop Alzheimer's." In other words, if you are under 60 and depressed? It looks like you actually have something to get depressed about.

Fellow hypochondriacs, it's time to raise our disease alert to orange. Take a gander at this article, will ya? Plague? Did they say "plague"? Is it really a good idea to be messing around with the bubonic plague in laboratories? I mean, scientists are just as up for a good practical joke as the next person, you know.

Oh, and heart patients? Try not to get stressed about this, okay? Just think, if you come down with the flu, not only will you feel like death warmed over, but you'll also be able to lie there wondering if a heart attack is imminent. Are your lungs hurting from coughing or is that pain from an incipient myocardial infarction? You just don't know!

I research these things so you don't have to. And yes, I totally want to get that book pictured up there. I can even get it delivered by Wednesday if I'm in a hurry. Where's my credit card, anyway? Did Larry hide it again?

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10 comments:

  1. Are you sure you are a hypochondriac? Sounds more like a masochist to me. I think if you don't read it, you might live longer...

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  2. There is no way I should show this to phantom-tapeworm-boy 5 of 8--unless, of course, it might make for some good blog writing....

    Blessings!~

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  3. I'm glad you research those things so I don't have to... because I'd rather spend time worrying over my diaphragm spasms that feel like a heart attack. (Yes, they can be scary. Yes, I've seen a doctor.)
    If you buy the book, you'll have blogging tidbits to share with us for at least an entire year, right?

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  4. I see the marketing division reached their target audience with their book:)

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  5. I'm not even going to click on those links. I can't believe that book!! Too funny.

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  6. you know, they still have the plague in africa. that's what i was told by my doc before i went there in 2005. bummer.

    franzi

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  7. I was JUST TALKING about the bubonic plague to my daughter the other night, wondering where it had gotten itself off to. I don't think I really wanted to know.

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  8. Oh my. It reminds me of my first (and only) pregnancy. The doctor kept telling me to call if I felt anything "unusual". UNUSUAL? I'm gestating two babies for the first time at the age of 37 -- everything's unusual. Oy vey.

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  9. SO if I were to get this for a relative who is a hypochondriac of the first degree, would she be insulted? Because I know deep down she would love it.

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  10. That's what I call living on the edge- read on!

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