Sunday, January 29, 2012

Why Jews Shouldn't Go To Church

I made it to church today with the rest of the family.  Sometimes I'm working, sometimes I can't find the dress slacks that fit; but today the stars aligned just right so that I could sit with Larry and the kids and wonder why I hadn't noticed that Susie was wearing athletic socks with her cute little patent leather ballerina flats.

Believe me, Larry NEVER notices stuff like that.  Something to do with that y chromosome, I'm thinking...

Anywhoo, I did okay until the second reading.  Paul, to the Corinthians.  I listened attentively as the lector read aloud:

The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord;
33 but the married man is anxious about worldly affairs, how to please his wife,

And I laughed.  Out loud.  A literal LOL, people - in a completely quiet sanctuary full of fellow parishioners who apparently weren't raised on Borscht Belt marriage humor.

I mean, that was funny, wasn't it?  "How to please his wife..." Ba-da-bum!  That Paul!  He WAS Jewish, you know...

I spent the next 5 minutes snorting into my scarf, while Larry pretended he didn't know me.  I'm betting that next Sunday?  He leaves me home.

[Bible image: St. Cuthbert's]


  1. I see the humor. I have no idea what the Borscht Belt is, but yeah, I probably would have giggled, too. This is probably why my DH doesn't often take me to church, either.

  2. And they claim no one smoked the poppies that grew in abundance in those days and helped them "write" the Bible. THAT PASSAGE PROVES IT.

  3. Oh, yes, Paul was Jewish AND unmarried with an idealized view of the relations between men and women. I would have snorted also, but I will admit I have learned over many years to mostly confine myself to the snarky aside to my husband (or sometimes children). Love it, though.

  4. We are about to have our second minister in the extended family. (In-laws! Always a surprise!) My favorite story about one of them is when my fil's minister wife, during a discussion about Jewish kosher laws (I'm not sure how it began) looked up the passage in her purse Bible, read it aloud, then blithely declared, "But the New Testament got rid of all that," snapped the Bible shut and boom, subject closed. My mouth, though, was still hanging open...

  5. BAHAHA! I tend just to snort once when funny stuff happens in church. ;) But you made me cackle out loud! I had to repeat it to my husband, but he didn't really get it... Men. He doesn't like coming to church with me; apparently, I tend to be a bit snarky in the House of the Lord.

  6. Sounds like me at my "christian" book club. I spend half my time there thinking how insane they all are :)

    1. Aaack - I didn't mean it as a slam at the Church. It just sounded funny out of context, like a joke about poor beleaguered husbands...

    2. @Mom Taxi Jule: That sounds like maybe not the right book club for you? :-)

    3. "I'm in Corinth all week, try the veal. Next week, I'm in Galatia. Over there, try the veal parmeggiano."

  7. Very funny.

    We're in the middle of Paul and the church stuff---I'm working on translating part of Corinthians into Shakespeare-y speak and my oldest is going to perform it as a dramatic monologue. At least, that's the plan.

  8. That IS funny stuff. I'd have giggled with you;)

  9. Man, I need to be an unmarried man . . . I could use the decrease in stress :-)

  10. I can see that sitting with you in church would be like sitting next to my husband in church (except that he totally wouldn't get the humor in that one).

    Any time there is a reference to something like, "We like sheep have gone astray" brings out the bleating. It's hard to get through a hymn with THAT going on next to you!



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