Thursday, July 10, 2008

In Which I Try Not To Be Jealous

Dear Sue,

Remember in high school, when a friend says you should have a party and invite all the kids who won't give you the time of day and then maybe they'll realize how cool you are and be your friend? So you do it, and "they" all show up and act really obnoxious and eat all the food and then they leave and they don't talk to you the next day in school? And you feel lousy, and your mother keeps making it worse by trying to act all nice and asking who everyone was and all?

No? Oh. Well, then, never mind that. But, look. I'm a little upset. Here you've got your millions of readers heading on over here and tramping all over the place - I mean, can't they even take their shoes off first? -and they're reading all the goodies and not even bothering to leave any comments, and then...then!...they outclick over to the voting page, where they are all voting for you.

I feel used.

But, hey, none of that matters. You see, my readers, the ones who come here all the time and even bother to say hi every once in a while, I know that they will bother to take the time today and tomorrow to go here and vote for me. Because I'm worth it. Or, at least, that one post of mine was worth it. And even if it wasn't, they'll do it anyway. Because otherwise, people like Sue will just take over the world - people who run off with some sleazy (sp?) city, just to go crawling back home a few months later. And no one says anything! No one says, "Gee, Sue, you're lucky Utah took you back," or "Gosh, Sue, been to Vegas lately (wink, wink)?" Noooo, it's all "Yea, Sue!" "Great to see ya, Sue!" It's sickening.

And yeah, I know I'm begging. I'm not even being subtle like you, Miss Ten Thousand Million Readers, by just putting it in the "P.S." part of your post, as if, oh yeah, I almost forgot, could you do this for me? As if! You know you want it.

And you know what? Even if I don't win, I was winning until you got your Internet back. And I'll always have that. Even if you are funnier than me, and more popular than me, you and your friends can't take that away from me.


P.S. Vote for me, again, will ya? She's kicking my a**.

P.P.S. Click on the "sleazy city" link up there - I hate to admit it, but Sue's hilarious.

P.P.P.S. But vote for me anyway. That's not the post that she's competing with, thank goodness.


  1. I read Sue too, faithfully, but I voted for you. I thought your story was so funny I told it to someone else the other day. Don't give up, I'm pulling for you.

  2. okay, I voted. Yes. I voted for you.

    But, back to the part about how people stop by and read and don't comment. I wish they would comment. Why don't they? Why do they just read and leave? Rude. I think we should have a button that allows us be able to block people who are serial readers and non commenter’s. The comments are the payment for the writing. Reading and leaving is like stealing books from a bookstore. Hey, you didn’t pay for that entertainment. This is a give and take, people. We write something and you make some response. It doesn't have to be long, or profound. It doesn't even have to be witty. Just something, people. "Hi" " hahahaa" "that was dumb" "boy, do I get what you mean" Something. Personally when I see a bunch of people read, but didn’t comment of assume whatever I wrote was lousy, didn’t reach out and create a connection with them. They didn’t get it or didn’t agree.

  3. Mary Alice is making me laugh. I must admit, sometimes I notice that 15 people have stopped by in the last hour and no one bothered to say hi and I actually feel insulted. But, there are lots of times I read someone else's blog post and even like it, but I can't think of anything worth saying in the comments. So I just move on. Don't take it personally, Mary Alice!

  4. Although, if it's someone new, they could say hi and introduce themselves, for heaven's sake...

  5. Gee whiz. I feel like dirt. I voted for you days ago when you were way ahead. I'd still vote for you, even if I'm starting to like Sue. Just a little.

    I can hardly think of anything entertaining to say on my blog, let alone compete with all the funny commenters. But here I am. Commenting. Saying hi.

    You (and your faithful readers) crack me up.

  6. AnonymousJuly 10, 2008


    I read you every day and I think you're hilarious. Consistently.

    You've got my vote.

  7. AnonymousJuly 10, 2008

    I was moved by this post and have chosen today to come forward and say hello... so HI!! I hope that this has helped you out in your time of need.


  8. Sara's comment (which I'm not sure I understand, but anyway...) has me thinking that many of you don't realize you are allowed to vote each and every day. Just in case you have nothing better to do...

    And, yes, Sue is funnier than me in general. I admit that. But this contest just involves 2 selected posts of ours; so you get to pretend that you don't know she is funnier in general, and just base your opinion on the 2 posts of ours in the contest. And, ha-ha, Sue, they didn't pick your funniest stuff.

  9. AnonymousJuly 10, 2008

    I think someone should write a plug-in that won't let a visitor navigate away from the page or close their browser without first leaving a comment.

  10. OK. I haven't even thought about voting because I'm a loyal reader of both you and Sue. If I voted for both of you my votes would cancel each other out and that's just lame. But your post today got me feeling like I was just copping out and that I needed to hold my head high and look at the posts themselves and just vote for the one I thought was funnier and fit the contest - Imperfect Blogger of the Month- best. I mean, I'm not picking one PERSON over another, just a post, right? And even if I was, neither of you know me, what's the big deal? So I did it. I voted. Shhhh...I voted for you.

  11. AnonymousJuly 10, 2008

    I'm not playing favorites. You're both equally funny.

  12. I think I've ticked off half of my blog audience with the Twilight thing, so you may have this all wrapped up. Take a look - you're winning AGAIN.

    What exactly are we supposed to be trying to win, anyway? I'm not actually sure. I DO know we've probably tripled their blog traffic over there ;>

    (For the record, I'm not funnier than you. And I'm definitely not more prolific than you. I don't know how you keep up your pace of posting and commenting. You're a MACHINE.)

  13. See what you're doing here SC? Making people take sides, making them split their affections? Do you see how you've made poor Molly make a bad choice? BAD CHOICE. It's just SO WRONG.

    Pssssst.... All of you who think it's just so wrong - vote for ME.

  14. hahaha.

    I voted (for you), but agree that she is funny (but that doesn't detract from you in any way)(it just confirms you both have good taste in blogging friends)

    Good luck!

  15. Sue is evil. Don't listen to her.

  16. I too read both of you and think that you are both hilarious!

    And I know how you feel when people don't comment - I'm still new to the whole blogging thing and so I know I don't have much traffic - but it would be nice to see that some people are actually reading!

  17. If it makes you feel better, I am jealous of Sue AND YOU!

  18. I read both you and Sue, daily, but I voted for you. What you wrote is totally something I would do. . .

  19. AnonymousJuly 10, 2008

    Who is Sue?

    Faithfully yours

  20. Yours and Sue's posts were both nominated by anonymous souls, we had no idea we were pitting internet buddies up against each other! Although I must say it's making for some hilarious banter. You're both winners in my book. ;)

    There is a Major Award™ involved, but as to what it is, that's top secret...

  21. Woo hoo! I just put you in the lead!

  22. I came over to your site from Sue's but I still totally voted for you. Twice. Something about an underdog....

    GO SC!!

    (That and you whine beautifully. Really, if whining was an artform -which it is at my house - you would be a master.)

  23. And hey, at least you have lurkers. I don't even have lurkers. I even have regular readers who DON"T COMMENT!! What's up with that? In my next life, I need to be funny so that I can have lurkers (an entourage) and regular readers who actually comment (groupies).

  24. AnonymousJuly 10, 2008

    Well, even though Sue was my first commenter, EVER... and you haven't been back to see me in soon as I'm off of the office network and back on my own, I'll vote ...

    What kind of site is that anyway? Our firewall hardly blocks ANYTHING...but that one is blocked!


    OK, now I'm in it to win it, baby.

  26. I've been voting for you every day, dahling. (Would you jump off a bridge if she told you to? Yes, yes I would.) were ahead by two points when I voted.

  27. AnonymousJuly 10, 2008

    From one uncool girl to another: I voted. For you. Gotta go pop a few zits now.

  28. I voted for ya, kid--at this clicking, looks like you're ahead--good luck with that. I'm all about the Comment Love!! BTW, I'm pretty new to the blogosphere--pleased to meet ya!! I'm running a giveaway on my blog, so please drop by!

  29. Okay, I voted for you. Now send me the $100. :)

  30. Geez, this is getting expensive...

  31. All right, already! I voted! Most of the time I'm laughing too hard to compose a decent comment on your posts. But every time Bloglines says "new one", I'm there.

  32. Do you remember the other day when I was whining about rude people who don't ever comment back? Even after I have commented at least 10 times on their blog. Sue was one of them. You are a much nicer person!!! So I voted about 12 times for you! I hope it worked!

    To me it is kind of like when you wave to someone and they pretend they can't see you! That is what no comments are like.

  33. i just voted for you too. good luck!

  34. The "major award",
    Could it be a lamp shaped like a leg wearing a fishnet stocking and high heeled shoe?

    I also wish people would comment when they read my blog. I just looked at my stat counter, and I've had over 30 people look at my blog today, and no comments.
    (Maybe it might have something to do with the fact that I haven't written a new post in a few weeks?)

    As for the voting, I kind of feel like I do when two of my kids are fighting over something, and come whining to me.
    Can't you two just get along? Do I need to put you in time out? Extra chores?
    You are both brilliantly hilarious! However, I do need to agree with Sue, you are a blogging machine. I am always so amazed that you post every day. Funny stuff too.

    Of course I might be persuaded to vote for you. I haven't noticed any comments on my blog from either you or Sue lately.


    I can be bought. Comments aren't expensive (they are much less than the $100 that you're sending Leanne)

  35. I've never heard of Sue.

    *smiles with an evil grin*

  36. I've been voting for you ONLY. Because I'm really hoping it helps me get to first base with you. If I'm lucky, second.

  37. tootsie, you blog slut, you...

    and, jill, she started it! Waaah!

  38. AnonymousJuly 11, 2008

    I don't know these people..I voted for you again..
    I had those parties in time one of the cool football player boys stole my dads power tools..that really sucked.

  39. I read you both. I love you both. Both of you make me laugh regularly.

    I have no idea who to vote for. I've been alternating by days. Is that wrong?

    But I'd like to point out that you're in the lead right now, even with the millions of us who read Sue's blog.

    Also, I rarely leave comments. Only because there are some seriously great commenters out ther and I feel like saying "Ha" once a day would get boring.

  40. I voted for you! You are in the lead too!!!