Friday, July 11, 2008

A Danger To Society

Have I told you that I am a truly excellent driver? Have I mentioned that I have had no driving mishaps in, oh, 27 years (aside from one speeding ticket - I was going a whopping 44 mph at the time). Because I've just realized that some of you might be getting the wrong idea about me - let's face it, first I'm stopped by an MP for reckless driving; then, I sideswipe someone in a parking lot. And, then, well...there's what happened today.

You see, today I managed to put a hole the size of a golf ball in the sidewall of my tire. I know, it's pretty difficult to do, especially when you are only driving about 5 mph; but it may have something to do with the curb I ran into. I mean, who knew that storm drains were so sharp on the corners? Luckily, I was in the middle of pulling into my parking space at home, because the tire went flat in about 2.4 seconds. Whoosh! The kids thought it was really cool. So did Larry, when he came home from a long day at work and discovered he had some automotive repair to do.

Larry says he isn't upset; but when he dropped off the van at the garage this evening, he insisted I come with him so we could enjoy a pleasant stroll back to our house, right through coyote territory. Have I mentioned he has a life insurance policy on me? Do you think he feels it's time to cash in, or what? I mean, I'm getting sort of expensive.

We did take advantage of the situation to show Theo how to change a tire on a car. Really, that should be required knowledge before we let the teens get their licenses, anyway. So, as I pointed out to Larry, it was sort of good that this happened. Plus, it gave me something to blog about today that didn't involve voting for me. I guess he didn't agree, because he wouldn't let me take a picture of the hole in the tire. You'll have to take my word for it, it was really impressive - almost a perfect circle.

In other news, I went back to the expensive library today and paid them 20 dollars just so we could check out a few more books. I thought libraries were supposed to be free. What's up with that? I would have gone to the library that doesn't do fines, but my account there is "blocked" until we find the 2 missing Asterix books that the boys swear we don't have anymore. The librarian there suggested that I take out another library card in one of the kids' names and use that, but I knew better. That would be the road to perdition.

I sound like a loser, don't I? A crazy-driving, book-stealing, irresponsible loser. If our teens were doing all this, Larry and I would be all over them. For sure, they would be grounded.

But, hey, that's a good idea! Someone send me to my room for a week. I promise, I won't come out.

P.S. Did I mention that y'all can vote for me again today?

P.P.S. Did you notice how clever that was? I put it in the "P.S." part, just like Sue does. Hey, I can be all cool and nonchalant too, ya know.

P.P.S. Um...nothing, really....I just like things to be in threes....


  1. I love when life's little mishaps turn into yet another teaching lesson for the kids.

    I hope you have quite a few libraries in your town. I have an outstanding fine as well but have just found out that my cousin's fiance's mom works there so maybe she'll wave it. You know, since we're so close and all...

  2. I consider my library fines as a donation to a non profit that I support whole heartedly. The other night, Little Man told me I was in time out. I was ALL over that idea. He changed his mind.

  3. In my high school you had to change a tire to pass drivers ed.

    Course they never cover stripped lug nuts....

    Cute blog - I would go vote but the access is blocked here at work.

  4. Oh, I would love it if someone would send me to my room!

    I have voted as often as I it's up to the rest of your fans!

    Honestly, if a photo showed up on this matter how great...
    we would all pass out!

    Pax, E

  5. Okay, SC, since we belong to the same library, I will share my tips with you, free of charge. Do you have your accounts set up for email, so they email you a few days before the books are due? They'll also email you if your books are a few days late, not that I would know anything about that. Ahem. Also, when we get back from the library, I go on my Outlook calendar and immediately put reminders on two dates - the day BEFORE the books are due, and the day they are actually due. I think I'm safe in saying you get on the computer once in a while so those reminders should help you when they pop up. If all that doesn't help you, then okay, maybe you are hopeless. But I'll still be your friend.

  6. Hey I voted for you again...and also a couple years ago I went out to buy a CD as a gift for MM, pulled into the end parking spot, rubbed the new curb, put a hole in the tire, had to buy two new tires. $15.00 CD turns into $315.00 mess. Uggh.

  7. Why wouldn't Larry let you take a picture of the tire? Does he think someone might pinpoint your location based on the mineral composition of the asphalt beneath it?

    P.S. I've been voting everyday, feeling a wee bit disloyal as I thoroughly enjoy MadMad, too. But then again, SHE never drove 45 minutes to meet me at a Chick-fil-A.

  8. I have been a reader for a bit, and now I just have to comment :) I am a librarian, and just want to mention that we are experiencing record budget cuts all over the country and struggling to keep ourselves open, and books may be free to patrons to check out, but if they don't come back... we do have to buy new ones... and we have to stay open, pay our staff, etc. I swear this comment sounds a lot snottier and meaner than the way it is meant to... I just wanted to take the opportunity to do a little library promoting. On that note, I work in a library that doesn't have fines LOL.

  9. Yesterday one of the kids was reporting to my husband that I got a ticket... I saw his eyes light up in anticipation of the sarcastic ribbing he would be able to dish out the rest of the evening. That is, until she finished her sentence.."about Thomas the train coming to NC." She was referring to a flyer we got in the mail. Poor Lincoln was visibly disappointed. He has gotten MANY traffic tickets and I've never gotten one. Of vourse, he then said, "Mom just runs into things, she doesn't speed." I keep it close to home. I backed into my sister's car in my own driveway- What was her car doing there in my path?!- and my husband's car in my own driveway- He was gone to work, his car should have been too!

  10. Oh man, I just hope today goes better for you. Library fines make me feel like such a loser...and I have them ALL THE TIME, so what does that say about me?

  11. He may have a policy out on you, but will it be enough to hire someone to take care of six kids and run the household for the next 18 years?

  12. AnonymousJuly 11, 2008

    send your kids to german driving school! we learn about changing tires and how to clear the scene of an accident. mh, i guess we are a car nation ;-)

    good thing you flattened the tire though. you got to spend some time with your hubby, the kids had a cool experience, all of them learned about storm drains and one even learned how to change a tire. can't put more education and fun in one day!


  13. We are soulmates!
    I have a library card for the boring library, read the one without cds and dvds. Daddy has a card for that library. I refuse to go there because they swear I had a book I didn't and blocked my card. How do you prove you DON'T have something?!
    AND I put a hole in my front tire one of the last days of school by hitting a curb on the way into the school parking lot. And I too was going about 5 miles an hour. HOW did I manage that?!
    So I'm totally laughing with you and not at you on this one! Hee hee!

  14. I totally agree that everyone should know how to change a tire. My father made me change a tire before I was ever able to drive by myself. Needless to say I was out there the day I got my license learning how!!

    P.S. And believe me - it has come in handy!

  15. Anita Immigrant MommaJuly 11, 2008

    I hear you....
    On our way out to one of our moves I backed into a Penske truck (mind you we were all ready to move) and took out half the back of the car inside a parking lot!
    Gotta laugh right?!


  16. Jess once hit a curb and blew the tire while babysitting my kids - which they still talk about because it happened right next to a playground. You'd think it had been Disneyworld.

  17. I have that library situation as well. We need to go back but I don't want to pay the big fine.... meanwhile it grows....

  18. I like things in 3s too.

    Why wouldn't larry let you take a picture of the hole?

    My mother INSISTS she is a very good traffic, despite the fact that her car looks like it was entered in some kind of aggressive bumper car competition. I'm not making parallels. I'm just sayin'

  19. The Matron voted for you and once forgot her children at school. And she only has three.

  20. I hate library fines. I try so hard to keep track of all the books & when they are due. But, it never fails. I should just leave them a $20 as I leave just cause!

  21. FYI - Not only have I voted off of my own computer three times (all for you) but I am now sitting at my SIL's computer where I again cast a vote for you. Thought you'd like to know. That, and I'm needy.

  22. I tried to vote again but voting's closed. Did you win? Did ya? Did ya?

    And everyone, everyone, should know how to change a tire.

  23. When the kids were little I used to sort of "kite" books between the cards. Yes, I know it was bad.

    Now I just use my own and paid the $11 fine in full the other day;

    Flat tires and other auto mishaps? Triple A--best money you'll ever spend!

  24. This reminds me of the time in high school when I was in the car and my friend hit a curb going too fast and punctured her tire. When we told her father, he didn't even yell at her for driving recklessly (which she was) but instead he insisted on walking down the block in his bathrobe (it was late at night) and showing all of us how to change the tire. What a guy. I've never forgotten that. I'm kinda hoping one of my kids punctures a tire so I can drag my husband out of bed and make him live up to my "cool dad" expectations.

  25. Wasn't that last one supposed to be "P.P.P.S."?

    And, I'm in Jo's camp on library fines. It's for a good cause.

  26. Hey, you won, right?! Congratulations on all that sweet imperfection!

    If Larry makes you a smoothie, I wouldn't drink it. And hide the antifreeze.

    No, what am I thinking? He would have the kids to take care of all by himself. I think you're safe.