How did I do it? It was simple really. I took all the other stuff out of there and piled it on my counter. In fact, I think I have some photographic evidence available somewhere...
Aha! Here it is:
I know! I have outdone myself! You are gasping in amazement at the veritable cornucopia of expired foodstuffs that I have managed to amass within the confines of a single household appliance. I will point out some quick highlights:
- I don't drink diet Pepsi. No one in my household drinks diet Pepsi. The presence of a can of diet Pepsi is truly a mystery.
- The chewable acidophilus on the left? It had an expiration date of August 2007. Yes, it was older than this blog.
- The bottom Gladware container is full of scallion bulbs. I meant to plant them sometime last year.
- I don't know when the apple juice is from. It smelled funny.
- We don't use the junky hydrogenated-oil sugared-up peanut butter that is pictured in the center (red lid). That is the one last healthy guideline to which I have clung, tenaciously, as all my other nutritional principles have fallen to the wayside. Candy for breakfast? Check! French fries for dinner? Certainly! But no Jif. Not yet. I'm guessing Larry picked up this piece of nutritional crap for some camping trip and it was never used. Again, at least a year ago...it expired in 2008.
But wait - there's more! We have not yet seen the special collections. We have the usual contestants such as ketchup and salsa, of course.
But this month I branched out and experimented with new artistic media. There is, for example, this piece on the right, which juxtaposes cream cheese with (pareve) margarine, thereby representing the eternal dichotomy of bagel-topping preferences. Notice the repetition of the number 3, most likely a reference to the Holy Trinity - a reference, the viewer may note, which contrasts ironically with the Jewish-American medium of the bagel. Is it a plea for religious inclusiveness? Or is it an unflattering comparison of the punitive laws of Deuteronomy with the more forgiving tenets of Christianity? Only the artist knows...
And, finally, what I have titled "The Futility Of Cake Decorating." The followers of this blog have long known the disappointments and misery endured by the author of this blog in the pursuit of an adequately adorned birthday cake. Learning to properly decorate a cake may seem like a great idea; but really, it all comes down to an overabundance of Crisco in various states of decomposition (if Crisco can indeed ever truly decompose). I like to think that this piece represents the fate of our deepest unrealized ambitions. Well, my deepest unrealized ambitions, anyway...
Now that's a good day's work!
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