Sunday, April 12, 2009

Pee Is Thicker Than Water

Uncle Matt came down to spend Brian's birthday and Easter with us. As we have discussed before, Uncle Matt leads a somewhat sheltered life, a life unbuffeted by the unpredictable demands of child rearing. But not to worry! Susie quickly inducted him into our special brand of chaos by peeing on him.

That'll teach him to hold his cute little nieces and nephews, won't it?

Larry and I added insult to injury by making light of the whole incident - "That's all right," I joked to the kids, while their uncle was downstairs changing his shirt, "Uncle Matt is absorbent!" Oh, we were the picture of nonchalant, seasoned parents, I'll tell you.

"But Mommy," Rachel said, "there's some pee on the couch, too." Immediately irate, Larry and I shouted (in unison), "What?! Where?!"

I don't know why, but the bemused look that appeared on Theo's face - a look recognizing that his parents were worried more about the furniture than about his uncle - killed me. As in, I doubled over - literally - with laughter. I screamed with laughter. My stomach hurt and tears rolled down my face as I lay on the floor and pounded it with my fists, begging someone, anyone, to help me stop laughing. I thought I would pass out for lack of air.

The children? They looked a tad frightened. And I'm not sure Uncle Matt knew what to make of it, either. But, you know what? Laughter is the best medicine. I haven't felt that good in a long time.

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We had what we thought was a marvelously simple idea for Brian's birthday cake: make it look like a Lego piece by positioning six cupcakes on top of a rectangular cake and frosting all of it the same color. Alas, the best-laid plans of mice and men gang aft agley. While we thought we would end up with this:



we instead ended up with this:





I know - it is a talent of mine, isn't it? The cake looked as if it were gnawed at by rats. Yum! Brian was blessedly resigned over our failure. "That's okay," he said. "Next year, we can do the volcano cake again."

Over my dead body...







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25 comments:

  1. Well you know, uncles ARE washable!

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  2. Time to call the county coroner. Did the cake have any last wishes?

    One Thanksgiving Laura indoctrinated her childless uncle by yakking up green beans at the table.

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  3. Awesome idea for a cake. I'm sure you've invested more money in the couch than in the uncle!

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  4. whee! I'm submitting this to cakewrecks.com.

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  5. Sometimes we laugh like loons til the kids run for their lives, keeps em guessing on when you will finally crack and how much danger they are in.
    Next time he visits, insist he spray himself with Scotchguard first!

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  6. I was just coming here to say the same thing. Uncles and their pants are totally washable...couches, not so much. I would have the exact same reaction.

    Dawn and her cakes make me feel wholly inadequate as a mother too. I think we should stage a protest that involes some throwing of store-bought cakes.

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  7. Looks like your icing may have been too thick.

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  8. oh, OUCH! on all counts! I keep borax on hand to help soak up the pee and associated odors from it, among other laundry helps it provides. Tell uncle Matt to remember vinegar in the laundry to get the pee smell out of his shirt.

    As for the cake, it's time to teach Theo how to bake and decorate. He can do his own darn confections.

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  9. Uncles only visit for a couple of days at most..you have to live with that couch!

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  10. Um, wow...that cake looks delish.

    Uncles are much more washable than furniture. Man, I love laughing like that.

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  11. Hahahaha! I don't know what's more funny--the absorbent uncle or the photo of that cake! (I laugh because anything I frost looks like hell)

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  12. What went wrong with the cake? The idea is genius. And whose picture is the first one?

    I've given up on the carpet here. Someday we're ripping the sucker out. It's been peed on, pooped on (by children & cats), puked on (ditto). AND IT'S BEIGE. I once had a playgroup over and a mom was mortified b/c her daughter, who was potty training, peed on the rug. I simply shrugged and went to find the spray bottle of vinegar. "Whatever," I said. "She's not the first, she won't be the last. Don't worry about it."

    I'm quite proud of how far I've come...

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  13. But was it YUMMY!? Do not underestimate the power of cake!

    And you were absolutely right to freak out about the couch. I mean, you barely know that uncle...that couch is there EVERYDAY!

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  14. Did you explain that it doesn't cost $300 to have Uncle Matt cleaned?

    And thanks for the warning on the Lego cake. I've seen that one before and thought how easy it looked!

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  15. That is the most beautiful cake I have ever seen. Really. (snort)

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  16. Oh my. At least the cake tasted good? Sprinkles. Sprinkles would have fixed it, right? ;)

    And as long as the uncle fits the husband's clothes, he is, in fact, easier to clean than the cake. In fact, the uncle is SELF CLEANING. The sofa, not so much...

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  17. I think your cake looks more like a real lego. I didn't know what the first one was until I read it but I saw yours and I instantly knew it was a lego.

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  18. You know, it's not Easter until someone gets peed on.

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  19. You should submit that one to Cake Wrecks!

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  20. Thank you for talking me out of making the Lego cake...

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  21. Thank you for the laugh. For some reason I burst out laughing at this post and it made my day. The cake put me over the top because thats EXACTLY what it would look like if I made a cake!!

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  22. I am snorting with laughter like a crazy lady. Your cake! It is so funny!!

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  23. I'll take that as a compliment, thanks...

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