Saturday, September 19, 2009

Knitting! Humor! Parenting! (Three Posts In One!)

Try the Figure 8 cast-on, my knitting friends said. It's easy! Anyone can do it! Knitting naif that I am, I trusted them.


See that eensy-teensy bit of knitting up there? That's 2 hours of my time. And a lot of tears. And a few curse words thrown in for good measure. But I conquered. And now I know that next time I experiment with a new knitting technique, I'll try it on something larger than size 0 needles. Because my eyes, they are permanently crossed.

I also cleaned the bathroom. A banner day, I tell you...

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I just spent 20 minutes writing what I thought was an amusing riff on this article here. I had penned a few jocular paragraphs along the lines of how my hypochondriacal self has yet another thing to worry about, etc, when Larry took it upon himself to inform me that the subject of surgical patients catching fire? It is not humor material.

So, forget it. I'm obviously a sick, sick person to have thought there was a joke in there somewhere.

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I'm generally a live-and-let-live sort of person, the type that believes that how you raise your kids is your business, so long as it works for you and your family. But, folks? Bringing your 5-year-old kids to Starbucks at 9:30 at night? That's dumb. And annoying. Even if you aren't reading them Berenstain Bears books....


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9 comments:

  1. I pretty much think anything is funny, so maybe you should write your little amusing riff after all.

    I went to a 10:30 showing of Gladiator once and there was a woman who brought her four year old. I hope that kid has years of nighmares and wakes that woman up every single time. It will serve her right (although that's a mean thing to wish on a kid. But it's his mom's fault. Ok, I'll drop it now.)

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  2. If I were ever to attempt knitting, this is as far as I could ever get. I think it would make me crazy.

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  3. I was always shocked at the people doing their shopping at the drugstore with their little ones at 9 p.m. Then they wonder why they have such cranky kids.

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  4. It took me about seventeen tries to get this the first time, but then so did kitchenering toes. So I persisted and it got better. Now I do most socks this way- I love being able to try on the sock-in-progress.

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  5. Knitting in the round? Still working on it....

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  6. A-men to the late-night [poor] parenting. It's nationwide, I'm telling you.

    And black humor is much appreciated by those of us who never see the inside of Starbucks anymore because, well, we have too many kids to buckle and unbuckle in order to make the trip.

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  7. I think it looks like a little heart. ♥
    If there's anything I learned from reading The Friday Night Knitting Club, it's that you should start new-to-you stitches with big needles and chunky yarn. (See, I paid attention!) Someday you will have to teach me to knit so you can post a picture of my failure and ROTFL.
    And pretty much anything you write is funny, so feel free to share your riff. Besides, I'm avoiding ever being a surgical patient again after my last debacle.
    Want to see cranky kids with glazed eyes? Wal-Mart at midnight.
    Hope you had a great weekend! :)

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  8. I've yet to attempt socks. I keep seeing a ton of great yarns for socks, but I just can't bring myself to do socks yet. However, when I'm ready I'll be sure to use larger gauge needles than you did! Yikes! For now though I'm still knitting away on these damn Harry Potter Gryffindor scarves for the teens.

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  9. I'm someone who laughs at the most awful stuff, something that irks my husband to no end. It sounded like a pretty funny story...

    And I never knit. Ever. It (and sewing in general) makes me feel like curling up in a fetal position and sucking my thumb.

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