Thursday, July 30, 2009

Karma's A B*tch

I've become one of those Starbucks dwellers, hunched over my laptop, making money.  I love it.  For years I've wondered what people were doing sitting in Starbucks with their laptops on.  I thought they were just showing off that they had a laptop.  Really. 

But now - I know!  They were getting the heck out of the house so that they could get some work done.  And then they were wasting some of that precious time blogging, because why not?  And they were eating yummy cinnamon coffee cake because they felt obligated to buy something to pay for hogging an entire table with their precious laptop all evening.

I have met the enemy, and he is me.

Tonight, however, there was a snake in Paradise.  I had just sat down and plugged in when the mother at the table next to me took out a book.  Not just any book, mind you - but a Berenstain Bears Go To Camp book.  And then - horrors! - she proceeded to read it out loud to her son.

Yes.  Right there in Starbucks.  Tell me, people, have I not suffered enough?  Have I not spent the better part of 2 decades being forced to read these books over and over?  Why - when I have at long last thrown off the traces and escaped to my little coffee shop world of laptops and cinnamon cake - why should I be haunted by the Berenstain Bears?  Is it my fate? 

(At this point, a picture of Gene Wilder in Young Frankenstein flits through my brain - you know, the scene where he is tossing and turning in bed, chanting, "Destiny! Destiny! There's no escaping Destiny!"  Alas, no YouTube video available...)

Apparently there is no escape.  I am but the plaything of fate, led on by the illusion of free will...and the mirage of grown-up time at Starbucks...

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21 comments:

  1. Grown-up time at Starbucks is my favorite time of all.

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  2. I loved those books. I could recite them by heart. So I would in the car, over and over. I guess I'm not surprised now that my mom had all white hair by the young age of 35...

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  3. The Berenstain Bears is why I don't sin no mo'. Because I'll have to listen to BB read-alouds in Hell, and really, nothing's worth it...

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  4. The least she could have done is read The Big Honey Hunt. Sorry. I like that one.

    Also? Ooooo. Shiny. Getting paid for using your laptop.

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  5. tell her that there is a place and a time for such atrocities and Starbucks is not it.

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  6. How dare she! I mean, the nerve. Really. I suppose it could have been worse, it could have been Seuss. Maybe you could do a t-shirt or a sign that says "Escaped Mommy: I'm just lookin' for a few kid-free moments in my life". Wishful thinking, I know. BTB I just love their pumpkin muffins in the fall.

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  7. That's just plain wrong! Mother Bear would have admonished her. Everyone knows Starbucks is for big people.

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  8. I'm sorry to anyone who I may insult, but I HATED those damned bears! I did, like the wonderful martyr mother I am, read them upon request, but I hated them. So I doubly feel your pain.
    I hope you were able to tough it out. But if I recall correctly, none of those freaking stories were short.

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  9. Motherhood: You can run, but you can't hide.

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  10. Sigh. There will be no escape. Ever.

    Do you scowl at people who bring kids to restaurants?

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  11. oh the HORROR!!!! how could you bear it?

    ;-)

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  12. Maybe next time you should take your laptop and hide in your closet when you need to work alone. (using a childproof lock on the door, of course)

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  13. Snorkie is a Berenstain Bears Fanatic!
    We hear them ALOT. So sorry that they invaded Starbucks :(

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  14. Oh that's horrific!
    I despise seeing that sort of thing out in public. Methinks you need to find a coffee joint with a harsher hipster vibe that doesn't seem so inviting to the mommy crowd.

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  15. My favorite is the tv episode when the Berenstein Bears get banned from watching TV, and Papa Bear sneaks watching the game in the tree shed.

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  16. I have yet to take my laptop to Starbucks. I probably should, just to announce to the world that the last loser on earth finally caved and bought one.

    I wonder if it's good protocol to wear earbuds while working on the laptop at Starbucks?

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  17. The proper etiquette is to complain to the Starbucks people that she is bothering you. That is SO rude. Or just say this to her, "Excuse me, but I'm trying to work, do you mind?"

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  18. Aw! I LOVED those bears s a child! No, of course, my daughter loves them... Did the reading lady read with voices for the characters? My stepdad always used voices :)

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  19. Well I wouldn't have the first clue about what you're talking about here....alas, Devildog doesn't earn the paycheck that I need to keep me in the life to which I could become accustomed. Therefore, I have no laptop *pout*

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  20. I still love the BBs, but Starbucks fare they are not. That sort of thing is only for the waiting room at the doctor's office. It was her bad.

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