Tuesday, December 04, 2012

Tim Allen, Where Are You?

Let's see, we've passed the 48-hour mark and my den is STILL TORN APART.  I swear, Larry is trying to break me.  "So," I said to him last night at dinner, "what's next?" 

TRANSLATION: When are we (as in, YOU) putting that room back together?

"Well," said Larry, "I have to do a little research."

TRANSLATION: I'm not sure I know what I am doing yet.

"Research?" I asked.

TRANSLATION: WTF? Shouldn't you have done that BEFORE you trashed my favorite room?

"Why, yes, it's complicated," he explained patiently.  "You can't just slap the insulation up or you risk mold problems down the road."

TRANSLATION: This will take way longer than I let on.

"So, um, should I call the electrician in the meantime?" I asked, trying to garner some reassuring indication of progress. "You know, for the ceiling fan and the extra outlets?"

TRANSLATION: Can we get moving on this?

"Oh, no, that's all done AFTER the insulation," said the man formerly known as my beloved.

TRANSLATION: Women!

"Okay, so when are we (YOU) putting up the insulation?"

TRANSLATION: Look, buddy, I need some sort of a timeline here.

"Well, first I have to [a lot of mumbo-jumbo about ceiling joists and Internet and wall sealants here]...and THEN we put up the insulation and THEN we call the electrician."

TRANSLATION: Not nearly soon enough.

Excuse me while I blow into this paper bag for a bit.  No, I'm fine, really.  Just because we have NO PLACE to put the Christmas tree and I am going to take an axe to the ugly IKEA computer cabinet that has been displaced into my living room and have I mentioned that I am STILL MENOPAUSAL?

OMFG.  Really.








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14 comments:

  1. I am agog. And agag!

    Do you need someone to help you hide the body? I don't think the boot on my left foot will be leave too obvious of footprints...

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  2. Obviously, the man does not want ANYTHING for Christmas. Including the wife who will be somewhere nicer than the room formerly known as her favorite room.

    Doesn't he have a sister who is gifted in craftiness (of the slipcover and curtain fame)? It's time to call in the big feminine guns.

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  3. I have no words. I am in great sympathy with you, not from my own direct experience, but just imagining trying to remain calm during such a discussion. I give you a huge amount of credit for not exploding. I would have blown up.

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  4. Really? Three weeks before Christmas? Here it is, from someone who has been there, done that.

    Call the electrician...electrical goes in place BEFORE insulation.

    Proper installation of insulation: Google this, it's a no brainer. Put up the insulation, cover from the inside of the house with plastic vapor barrier, stapled to all wood left showing to create a vapor barrier that does not allow moisture from house to accumulate on insulation and grow mold.

    I've seen some clever variations of Christmas trees on the web. How about one made out of all supplies needed to finish this project?

    I feel for you!

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  5. Hang tinsel and lights over any construction related trash.

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  6. Oh boy. I wish I could send you a case of gin and a massage therapist to get you through this trying time.

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  7. Deb is correct. Wiring gets done first, then insulation, then vapor barrier, then drywall, then trim replaced, if you took it out, then painting, last carpet/flooring.

    The last room hubby tore apart, it took 5 years to reassemble. I paid my dad (a retired electrical engineer, currently a handyman) to put it back together. I paid for drywall, etc and paid him, also I hauled big stuff from lowes to our house. It's so much fun hanging drywall when you are 8+ months pregnant.

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  8. I'm not sure why you haven't filed for divorce yet?

    Electrical definitely goes in before insulation. And insulation isn't complicated. Drywall is :-)

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  9. ugh nothing worse than stuff being torn up for the holidays!

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  10. You are a woman of infinite patience.

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  11. Welcome to my life as the wife of a 'do-it-yourself' renovator - it has been going on for 26 years and I am SO OVER IT!!!

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  12. Yes. Call the electrcian. Today.

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  13. I have an extra bedroom you can use if you need to getaway.

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