Wednesday, December 31, 2014

New Year's Eve

We're having a wild and crazy night here: Larry and Susie have fallen asleep on the couch, David is doing college applications, and Brian (with 2 of his friends) is having a Dr. Who marathon in the basement.  Rachel is waiting for me to play cards with her (I know! The excitement!), so - for the final night of 2014 - I will leave you with some of my favorite tweets of the year. A Happy New Year to all of you! 


@ericaj1721
My superpower is the ability to be the only one in this house who can see the trash overflowing.

@jp_unfiltered
If Mary was visited by the angel Gabriel today, instead of saying "what manner of salutation is this? " she'd just say, "OMG, WTF?"
@steveolivas
The last machine I raged against had my bag of Funyons stuck on the spindle thingy.
@ashleycrem
If I were holding my baby, and I saw a spider on my arm, I'm not confident of what my instinct would be.
@simoncholland
A tornado siren but for when my daughter rolls her eyes at my wife.
@yobully
You always hear about how scary clowns are yet nobody ever mentions middle-aged women in pigtails.
@pourmecoffee
"Finish your homework before you get online, Malala." "I must have misplaced it, maybe I'll check here under my NOBEL PEACE PRIZE."
@david_tull
Married with Children was much funnier on TV.
@WilliamAder
I always see more people walking into Sam's Club than out of Sam's Club, but the meat's cheap, so I don't ask questions.

@JohnDeVore
How dare you refer to the internet as "outrage culture," you stupid talentless hack. Unbelievable.



@robfee
Sorry pregnant ladies, all of your 3D ultrasounds look like Gollum in an Ikea lampshade.
@brittanyherself
Nothing helps you realize your parents weren't assholes for no good reason than trying to put a fitted sheet on the top bunk.
@capricecrane
The closest we've ever come to time travel is saying, "Hang on I'm just gonna check one thing on the internet," and then it's 5 hours later.
@sammyrhodes
So we’re all just going to keep pretending Putin isn’t Dobby’s long lost brother? Ok cool.
@MoRocca
Tennille to Captain: "Look at me. Look at me. I'm the Captain now."
@moooooog35
Teenage daughters: because God hates parents.


[Twitter image: Edudemic
[Happy Twitter: The Telegraph]
[Hat Twitter: seoclerks]

7 comments:

  1. Time travel, Dobby, and the angel Gabriel were all big winners when I read them the first time and they haven't lost their magic. What would I do without your twitter feed over on the side?
    Happy New Year, from a much more boring household I've just swallowed a book whole on my kindle, dh is playing his computer game and/or working on his next sermon, EB is reading a book online, and the two teens abandoned us to hang out with friends.

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  2. I love these. The only contact I have with The Twitter is that window to the right on your blog, and your window has the best of the best. I love the one about "Every time God closes a door."

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    Replies
    1. Yes, I should have included that one...

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  3. Ha Ha! Those are some good tweets. My feed is so boring. I need to start following some of your people.

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  4. Oooh...thanks for the chuckle. The spider one was priceless. Good stuff here!

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