Monday, December 01, 2014

Show Me The Money

Apparently, my cleaning skills at half-past midnight are not top-notch.  The day after Thanksgiving, the entire bathroom smelled unmistakably like puke, thanks to Susie's overindulgence the day before. It reminded me of my freshman year dorm on Sunday mornings, when the odor of regurgitated beer and pizza filled the air.  In desperation, on Saturday I went to PetCo and picked up this remarkable product:

An essential part of any parent's toolkit....

Yes, this is my new friend.  I SOAKED the affected areas (sink counter, wooden vanity, wall, heating duct, and Little Tykes step stool) with this stuff before I went to bed.  The next morning, miracle of miracles, only a faint smell of pumpkin pie barf still lingered.

Pumpkin Pie Barf - new flavor coming soon to a Starbucks near're welcome.

The cashier at Petco said it worked really well for her also, on the unfortunate occasion when her son spilled milk under the couch and left it. And no, it hasn't escaped me that we both shopped at a pet supply store for cleaning supplies to deal with our kids' messes. It would appear that children are nothing but glorified pets, after all, aside from that whole college tuition thing.

Speaking of which, David has been applying to colleges, which activity always makes for a fun holiday season. Luckily, a couple of the schools have not required essays. Either they have finally realized what a bunch of BS the college-application essay is, or else they take anyone who can fill out a basic form. "Are these places accredited?" I asked, concerned enough about the lack of essays and the comparatively low application fee to put down the scarf I was working on.

"Of course," David said. "They DO ask for my transcripts and my scores, you know."

"I know," I said, "but maybe they just do that for show? What is their acceptance rate, anyway?"

"I think it's about 75%, actually."

"Is that higher than normal? Is this a real school?"

"Well, it looks like one on the website. See, look, there's a quad with a bunch of students walking together and carrying books."

I squinted at the screen. "Are we sure they aren't just actors?"

"I don't know," said David, "but I do know the school offers free tuition and room and board to anyone with test scores like mine."

"Really? Well, then, that sounds real enough to me," I said, returning to my knitting.

I do hope no one reads this blog for a rigorous analysis of the relative merits of various institutions of higher learning.  Around here, we're all about the money.


  1. Trust me, not the first time I've heard they don't even read the essays! Also, judging by my students' ability to write, those things are so carefully proofread by multiple people, they aren't indicative of the actual student.

    Sadly, the test scores may get you in the front door, but they are poorly related to college student success. Too many other factors at large.

    I am going to make sure my family stocks up on stain and odor eliminator, pronto!

  2. Dang, I wish I'd known about that stuff years ago! Or maybe I need to get some anyway, since we moved the little box into the hall bathroom... and my DIL is allergic to cats. (Not a big deal, right? She'll only be here for 2 days at Christmas.)
    Pumpkin Pie Barf is what the McDonald's fall coffee flavor smells like. Ugh. It turned me off to all Pumpkin lattes this year. Score one for frugality!

  3. Grace is applying to college too, so I feel your pain. It is so freaking tedious. I am a complete failure, as far as being one of those "rah-rah get your kids into good colleges" parents.

  4. I had to laugh when you noted that you were shopping at a pet supply store to deal with the children's mess! Wish I'd known about this back when mine was small.

    I feel your pain regarding the college applications; that was torture. Even worse? Once they all went out and the waiting began. Mine was absolutely convinced that no school would have him. He was wrong.

  5. I did exactly the same thing to "deodorize my bedroom after darling son #1 missed the trash can (partially). I already had the stuff in house because of the dog & cat but anything that works on pet smells will work on "organic" issues : ) I couldn't be mad at my boy wasn't overindulgence...he got dropped on his head by his big brother while roughousing & ended uo with a mild concussion : ( What a wonderful way to spend Thanksgiving the ER : p

    I am with you on the college thing...DD#1 (almost 16) is planning Community College at this point & transfer after (though she would really like to skip it altogether)...

  6. "Pumpkin Pie Barf - new flavor coming soon to a Starbucks near you." HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! Thanks for the laugh!

  7. I love that this product says, "Dang, that looks nasty" right at the top.

  8. Yup! I use the Woolite Pet stuff for all my carpet cleaning and deodorizing needs. Works like a charm. And I can only dream of colleges that have pictures and where I would need to worry about accreditation… my son is aiming for MIT or CalTech. I told him he needs to start studying harder already. He's 12. :/