Friday, February 13, 2009

Playing Circus

It's a circus here: death-defying acts, wild animals...come on down to our bigtop and see the fun!

Late Wednesday (past midnight), Larry and I headed to the ER. Worsening pain in my left arm and neck, spreading to my chest, coupled with my chronic hypochondria made for a fun date night (morning?). The pain was determined (after 4 hours) to be not of a cardiac nature (But it felt like it! Really!). And (silver lining!) Larry and I got to spend some quiet time together without any kids interrupting us. Unfortunately, it's hard to have a quality conversation at 3 in the morning; but after 18 years, what's left to say, anyway?

So! Went home at 4:30 AM, slept quickly, and got up to go to a follow-up appointment that my ER doctor thoughtfully scheduled for me at 9. Assuming a long wait, I decided to take my knitting book with me, so that I could finish the hat I'm working on.

Hmmm...let's see...oh, yes, I last saw the book on the floor by my chair in the den...must have slipped under the chair...I'll just pull the chair out and...


You know, it's odd how, even though I've never actually seen an accurate picture of a sleeping bat, I was able to identify the real thing in under 1.4 seconds. I can't give any credit to my advanced cognitive processes for that. The identification (and subsequent reaction) came directly from the primitive, archipallium part of my brain. The part concerned with self-preservation...

By the way, Theo thought it was cool.

This unfortunate discovery took place in the sunniest, cleanest, most pleasant part of my home - an open nook off the living room that has my (formerly beloved) flowered Ektorp armchair, my handy knitting basket, the computer desk, and an attractive gas fireplace. It is my refuge: when the rest of the house is trashed, I retreat there and pretend that my whole life is clean, ordered, and knitting-ready. I blog there, I Facebook there, I read to the little girls there.

And now...I find bats there. I am bereft. There is no place left to go.


  1. So what was wrong? Are you okay??

    Sorry, I'm with Theo. COOL! And you call yourself a homeschooler... ;)

  2. I don't even remember my original comment beacuse bats are NOT cool. Yikes!!!

  3. Bats are scary-especially in your house! AAGGGHHHH!

  4. That's even worse than the bird flying around in my basement when I was a kid. Scarred me for life, I tell ya.

  5. Oh gosh. I hope you're o.k.? What a scary thing.

    And I have NO IDEA how embarrassing it might be to end up at the ER for an ailment that is - not quite what you thought it was. {cough} bloodclot {cough}.

    The bat would've scarred me for LIFE.

  6. I do not like this story. If you didn't have a heart attack in the wee hours you certainly must have when you saw the bat. NO, to bats in the house. Bats in caves that I would never go in anyway? Fine. Even bats in the belfry are okay....but.....

  7. Oh no! I'm sorry you lost your spot. I hope you get it back and bat-free soon.

    And I hope you're okay. I'm glad it wasn't cardiac-related.

  8. That is just NOT RIGHT. I'd have nightmares about something like that, if it happened to me.

  9. *because*

    See, the bat thing really freaked me out.

  10. Bats are cool -- they eat mosquitoes. You have mosquitoes in your house??

    On the other hand, if they are in the house, they might just look like flying mice...

    PS: I thought of you when I pulled a jar of cherry dessert topping out of the fridge. It was growing a science experiment inside. I think I might need to clean out the fridge more often. *sigh*

  11. Aren't bats like flying mice? Was it panic attacks? I hope you are feeling better!!

  12. oh, dear. i think a bat, sleeping or otherwise, would instantly give me heart problems.

    hope you're okay.

  13. Oh my goodness, I am SO glad you are okay! (Bats. Never fun.)

    LOve me the Ektorp...we have Kneckt shelves and the kids have tromso loft beds.

    Our laundry goes in a Skubb...
    we're kindred. :)

    Take care of yourself, and wishing you a bat-free VAlentine's Day!

  14. Glad the ER incident wasn't your heart. Did they have any cause to offer you or did they send you off feeling like the ultimate hypocholdriac? You know, telling you "well, I am sure you did feel something but we really can't find anything wrong *knowing glances between ER staff*" Not that I would know what that is like...

    So how's your heart after the bat incident? Not to scare you but do you have Lyssavirus over there? What about Hendra Virus? These two things are why I am scared of bats.

  15. So what you're saying is that if I fake some chest pains I might be able to have some alone time with DH without the kids?
    (With my luck, they would probably find something really wrong with me and tell me to stop eating chocolate or drinking Dr. Pepper)

    At least the bat wasn't in your belfry. Do you even have one of those?

  16. I think you may just do things in reverse. Because, honestly, if I found a bat in the house, I'd be at the ER with chest pains.

    Good luck and I hope they find out what is ailing you.

  17. Holy crap. You have bats in your house? Seriously? I think I would have fainted.

    Hope you are feeling better (I mean, besides the bats).

  18. Well, the bat thing reinforces the not-a-heart-thing diagnosis--if it was a heart thing you'd probably be dead.

    Are you okay?

  19. So instead of Suburban Correspondent should we start calling you Bat-Mom?

  20. I was thinking, well, your heart can withstand a good shock, at least.

    (Writing as one who also did the chest pains/left arm/shortness of breath thing awhile back when my kids were young and my lupus new, and the tests were indecisive. Such a fun day. I'm not sure I'd take the bat instead, though.)

  21. OMG!

    The bat thing - ghastly, but easy to fix...

    Place a radio (turned on) in your cosy corner...and leave it there.

    Turn the light on...and leave it on.

    This is dirty tricks for husband's cousin had bats in her roof...and because they are protected she wasn't allowed to repair the roof, even though the rain was pouring in!

    She tried the above...and the bats shipped out PDQ!

    Ok that's the bats what about you? I'm worried.
    Take care

  22. holy SHIT! I would have HAD the cardiac event- right there.

  23. Oh my...
    First I said "WHAT?" when you described your symptoms.
    Relief followed.
    But then?
    You say there was a BAT in your home.
    Are you moving?
    Just kidding.
    But I really hate bats.
    I would freak and not be able to go back in that room for a while.
    And those people who like to talk about how bats are good for our ecosystem etc?
    I don't care.
    No bats.
    I have the heebies.
    Okay. Rant over.
    So glad you are okay.

  24. Ack! Bats again.

    I had chest, back, and arm pain on the left side last week. I was emptying the dishwasher (don't tell anyone, it will spoil my reputation as a dilettante) and BAM, it hit. It made breathing painful. I was pretty sure I was having a heart attack. Tom suggested a rib out. I went with his diagnosis (him being a patent attorney and all) and didn't call 911. He said I'd gradually feel better in a few days, and to take ibuprofen. I did. And I do.

    I thought you might want to know that you and Larry are not the only ones to have that sort of fun. Plus, if your back and chest start hurting while your emptying the dishwasher, now you know it might be a rib out. Whatever that is.

  25. Hope everything is a-ok with you!

    And, although I find bats pretty neat, I think I'd run around like a nut if I found one in my house. I had a bird get in here once and I ran around like a chicken with her head cut off.

  26. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

  27. Um ya, someone who is faking heart attacks should NOT be finding bats under their chair! To quote Dan Akroyd (sp?) on "The Great Outdoors"'s a flying mouse, not a grizzly bear.

    Did you get any answers to your pain? Not that it's any of my business. Just, y'know, askin'.

  28. Hi there, I mourn with you. Even though it's not my most favourite spot to be, I have lost faith in the safety of my bathroom. Reason being a RAT taking a bath in the toilet! ;-) If you want to, take a look at the story at
    Btw, I do come here quite often - love your style of writing! It's hilarious, so keep it up! :-D