Monday, February 02, 2009

Husbandly Machinations And A Joke

Well, our weekend was torpedoed, as it were, by the belated realization that there was yet another lengthy financial aid form to fill out for Theo's college applications. This realization, as you can imagine, did not make Larry very happy. It also did not make him very happy that I stuck with my original plan of meeting a friend at IKEA on Sunday.

But he got even with me, oh yes he did. While I was out, he sneaked into the kitchen and threw out all the expired leftovers in my refrigerator without taking any pictures. The nerve! What does he expect me to do for a blog post this Wednesday? I had great plans. And he ruined them.

Revenge can be so ugly.

To top it all off, he doesn't even appreciate that he has a wife who can hang out all afternoon at IKEA and still spend less than 50 dollars. I've spoiled him, I know.


On the bright side, though, Larry's taken it upon himself to write me a resume. Talk about making bricks without straw, eh?


Thanks to Prairie Home Companion this weekend, I now have a great joke to tell to the many male customers who come to the register with magazines whose covers sport all-but-naked women in a variety of salacious poses. Ready?

Did you know that Playboy now has a magazine exclusively for married men?
[Here I imagine the customer would say, "Really?" Of course, he might not, but that won't stop me.]
Yes! Every single month, it has the exact same centerfold.

Ba-da bum.


  1. Ba dump bump bump.

    Husbands are idiots about refrigerators, aren't they?

  2. You are way too funny!

    IKEA is like Target but worse.

  3. If only we had an IKEA here. . .

  4. Love the joke. Too bad about your leftovers...They are always so much fun to see.

  5. I am so not ready for these FAF's.
    And my dh got into the bell peppers that I was saving for homemade pizzas. MEN!

    Please blog when you use that joke on customers! If the man is wearing a wedding ring, I hope he is embarrassed.

    And it just hit me upside the head: your Anna and my EB are rather close in age. No wonder we are going crazy!

  6. If you would like, I could email you a picture of all of my expired leftovers.

    You just reminded me that I'm long overdue for a trip to Ikea.

  7. I heard five minutes of PHC this weekend, and that was the part I heard. Heh.

    I love IKEA, land where you can actually buy something with three bucks.

  8. That was a funny joke.

    Maybe you can draw pictures of the leftovers and you remember them. Kind of like those pictures the courtroom artists do when cameras aren't allowed in a trial.

  9. Oh that's brilliant...a brilliant joke. I'm totally working that one in somewhere.

  10. I am sooo telling my husband that joke...

  11. heh, heh, heh.
    That's a joke that only the PHC listeners would appreciate.

    Oh, and yes, you have spoiled him re: the IKEA spending. I can't believe he threw out the leftovers. I was looking forward to them! And hey, we're in difficult economic times! What was he doing throwing out food? You never know when more might come!

  12. That wasn't very sporting! I would have like to have seen your furry fridge contents! I cleared mine out today - grey fluffy lemons and some elderly cream which didn't smell so good!

    $50 in Ikea - well done...that's very restrained!

  13. Wonderful. I'm now scared of completing financial aid apps.

    It wasn't bad enough that entrance apps scared me.

  14. hey lucky you! ikea on a sunday, what a treat! stores are not open on sundays in germany. wonder what we do normally when we can't go


  15. Funny joke. I think I'm the only person in the world who hates IKEA.

  16. Love the joke!

    So what creative alternative are you going to offer us on Wednesday?....


  17. oooh. that was really, really bad.

  18. I wish I could get my husband to throw out the leftovers.

  19. Ba Da Bump-And-Grind.

    You totally spoil your husband if you can spend so little- heck I can barely make it through Starbuck without spending $50. Well done.

  20. Of course you spent all day at IKEA. It's the Bermuta Freaking Triangle!!! Pretty much love it there, though. But pack a lunch because you'll probably get lost.

  21. PHC has the BEST jokes! Here's my favorite (and yes, it's my favorite because I could like, totally -- whoops, sorry; I was just over at Juggling Life -- I could see any one of my kids in the role of Junior Turtle):

    A family of turtles decided to go on a picnic, which is of course a long-term proposition for turtles. So they rose early in the morning, packed the coolers full of sandwiches, drinks and sundry goodies, and started off in search of the perfect spot. Finally, after ten grueling days of cooler-lugging, they found it! As they spread the blanket and unpacked the cooler, Father Turtle made a disheartening discovery. "We forgot to bring the bottle opener!" The drinks were all in bottles, and all the turtles were parched after their ten-day trek. "Junior," he called, "go on back home and get it, won't you?"

    "Oh, no, not me!" Junior protested.

    "You're so young and full of energy," answered his mother. "I know you can do it much faster than any of the rest of us."

    "Maybe so. But I'm still not gonna do it."

    "Young man..." his father began, sternly.

    "But if I go, you'll eat the sandwiches without me -- I know it!"

    "No, we won't." Mother Turtle adopted her most reassuring voice. "We will wait for you to come back."

    Still muttering his complaints, Junior disappeared amongst the trees.

    Ten days passed for his trip back home, and another ten for his return. But Junior did not return. Imagining any number of distractions and delays, his parents did not worry -- although they were quite hungry and thirsty -- until another ten days had passed. And another. With great sadness, Father and Mother assumed that Junior had tragically met up with a predator or Chevy truck. They bowed their heads for several moments of silence. Then, bereaved and forlorn though they were, they realized they were starving. "I suppose we could eat the sandwiches," said Mother Turtle. And so they removed two from the cooler and began to unwrap them.

    That's when they heard a rustle...and Junior stepped out from behind a tree. "AHA!" he shouted. "I TOLD you that you'd eat the sandwiches without me!"

    *bows to thunderous applause*

  22. THAT is a funny joke. The resume should include your ability to only spend $50 at IKEA. That is a skill underappreciated. And you must include the blogging.

  23. HA.HA! Spending only $50 at IKEA is no easy task!