Monday, January 14, 2013

Celebrity Stalker

No, not me, silly - Suzy.  Suzy Soro.  She played the woman who got the last chocolate babka in Season 4 of Seinfeld , and now she's written a book where she indulges to the max in her 2 favorite pastimes - telling funny stories and name dropping.

Did I mention that I actually am acquainted with Suzy Soro?  In the Internet sense, anyway.  I mean, I email her and EVERYTHING.  Also, I bought her book.  So, we're practically related.

Anywhoo, she has a lot more names to drop than I do.  Apparently, she has made it her life mission to embarrass herself in front of as many celebrities as possible.  In the end, she comes across as a sort of Hollywood Zelig.

Does anyone remember Zelig?  I'd like to point out, Suzy, that the one celebrity you never mentioned was Woody Allen.  And he's the one I've met (or at least stalked).  So, between us, we've seen everyone.

It was this way.  I had taken my college roommate Carol into NYC for the day, on our way back up to school.  She hailed from Houston, you see, and I was determined to show her a REAL city.  Plus, we wanted to see a Broadway play.  Amadeus, I think it was.

The only celebrities I've almost stalked
So! We were walking along the streets of the Greatest City in the World when suddenly Carol, a tall, blonde young woman with way more sophistication than Miss Short and Dark NJ here will ever have, grabbed my arm and started jumping up and down like a maniac.  "Look!  Woody Allen!  It's Woody Allen and Mia Farrow!  They just passed us!" she yelled in a voice I could only assume she used for telling all her Texas dogies to git a long.  People were staring at us.  I glanced in the direction she was pointing and saw 2 short-ish people hustling along, heads down, arm-in-arm.  Carol, still jumping up and down, was insisting on following them.

"Carol," I said, "We're not going to chase people.  Besides, I don't think that's even them."

At that moment, in a textbook case of Life imitating Art (Art, in this case, meaning "Annie Hall"), a guy standing in a doorway started pointing and shouting, "It's Woody Allen! Look, folks, that's Woody Allen!" in the thickest New York accent imaginable.

At which point both Woody and Mia jogged around a corner and out of my life.

So, see, I could have practically written this book myself, Suzy.  You just thought of it first.  And you're funnier.  And I really don't know where I'm going with this book review.

Only, the book made me realize that Suzy and I have a whole heck of a lot in common, so far as our backgrounds go.  I mean, we're practically twins.  For instance, Suzy used to stay up with her mother and watch The Tonight Show featuring Johnny Carson.  Well, my mother used to let me stay up to watch it, too!  Does anyone remember when Johnny came out dressed up as the Sun, stood there a minute (timing is everything, folks), and then said, "Is it hot in here, or is it me?"

It still makes me laugh.

Also?  According to Suzy, she spent the majority of her youth watching I Love Lucy.  Well, same here.  I think it's time to have an I Love Lucy Slam, Suzy.  Hey! What was the chicken doing in the camera case?  Do you remember?  I do

See what I mean?  Twins. I mean, except for the part where she is a professional stand-up comedian and I'm nothing professional whatsoever.  Also, I have 6 kids, and she is not particularly enamored of children.  And I'm happily married, and she is happily not.  Also, she looks to be way taller than I am.

So!  Now that I've finished this book, I'm giving it away to one lucky reader who comments below.  I mean, lucky if you are the type of reader who would appreciate the experience of sitting with Suzy in a coffee shop while she regales you with one crazy true story after another.  But if you don't enjoy a rollicking good yarn, don't even bother to comment.  Go back to reading The Economist or whatever other boring reading material you normally subject yourself to.  I mean, you wouldn't want to have to laugh or anything, now would you?

[Woody Allen/Mia Farrow image: Business Insider]
[I Love Lucy image: TVLand]


  1. Whoops! Forgot to add that the giveaway will go on until Saturday. I'll pick the winner then.

  2. That book sounds like a fun one for sure! Cracked up at your story. :)

  3. Well FIRST of all, Woody Allen IS mentioned in my book!

    And SECOND of all, this was a lovely write-up. Thank you.

    And THIRD of all, the Lucy reference? I don't remember the chicken in the camera case at all so I'm assuming you're LYING about it to win the slam.

    And now you have to go back and find the Woody Allen reference or it will drive you crazy.

    Love you, mean it. xo

    1. Ha! I don't need to lie to win. And it's going to be WAY easier for me to find that Woody Allen mention in your book than it will be for you to go through 5 seasons of I Love Lucy to find the chicken in the camera case.

  4. Oooh...I'm so jealous that you may or may not have actually seen Woody Allen! I'm a big fan! I also adore funny people and books that make me snort with laughter (thereby embarrassing my children), so I hope I win!

  5. I once rode on the same airport subway train as Huey Lewis. He might have even smiled at me. True Story. (I was staring at him, trying to figure out why he looked familiar to me.)

  6. Sounds like a fun a book!

  7. Marlon Brando yelled at me and my sister to pipe down in a hotel hallway decades ago. We were just being kids, not stalking him.
    Weird how you and Suzy are SO alike. Plus, this is a biggie, you named your youngest the same as HER name!

  8. ahhh, count me in! I'd love to read the book :-)

  9. Ah I once spent an evening at a conference "dancing" with someone, commenting on his abs, and basically making a sloppy, drunk fool of myself and learned the next day that MAYBE he was in such great shape because he is a celebrity in the fitness world? no joke. Had no clue who he was. Yep me and Gilad on the dance floor. OMG how embarrased was I the next day when he came up to my booth and I had to ask my co-workers if THAT was the guy from the night before? Oh and he knew my boss. For years. He teased me about it for months afterward (yep got his email address...) So that is my big celebrity encounter. OH wait and I also met a famous Porn King - got my photo taken with him - had no idea who he was either (really). But my friends did so I played along. Can't even remember his name...wait Ron jeremy, that's do I get the book?? LOL

  10. I have this book and love it.

    My husband read it right after I did, and loved it.

    GET THIS BOOK, people!!

  11. Okay, please enter me into your drawing! My only brush with a celebrity was at Chicago O'Hare and Hal Linden was waiting for his bags near my bag carousel. Hubby and I were pretty excited, Barney Miller!!! The kids of course were clueless and thought he just looked like a weird, old man. I have to admit....he did look a little maybe plastic surgery weird-ish...but it was him! Really. :)

  12. This looks like a really fun book!


  13. Dagnabbit. The iPad ate my comment. Grrrrr. Once in the bloom of my youth I crashed a pregame tailgate party in Miami. After a few free drinks I began flirting with this guy. As I was turning to leave I decided to do flip my hair back over my shoulder, take a half step, and turn away. This was to entice him to follow me, Hey, I was young. Instead it proved to be too many move for me to execute and during my turn I lost my balance and toppled into Ed McMahon, knocking him backwards too! I am the embodiment of grace. I was mortified. Ed was very nice. Still, he didn't invite me to dance on Star Search that's for sure.

    Apologies for all the typos, iPad is being weird and I can't go back and make correction. Ah well.

  14. sounds like a good read. I still watch I love Lucy its on every morning. Then I watch Andy Griffith. Thats my tv watching for the day.

  15. In my attempt to win this - I AM going to watch all 5 seasons of I Love Lucy to find the chicken in the camera case! It may take a few weeks because of that annoying time I do have to work but it will be so worth it!