Thursday, January 02, 2014

Like Mother, Like Daughter

I woke up this morning to a very clean house (well, the main floor, anyway) and lots of leftovers in the fridge, thanks to our annual New Year's Day party yesterday.  Let's just not talk about what it looked and sounded like around here yesterday morning, prior to the party.  Picture a combination of 4 beleaguered children, one beleaguered spouse, and one formerly-known-as-pleasant mother morphed into the most frightening Marine boot camp drill instructor you've ever seen, and you've got the general picture.  I'm not even sure Larry is talking to me anymore.  It didn't help that I forgot my cardinal rule to never, EVER send him to the grocery store for a particular item, as he always takes hours and then returns with the wrong thing, plus something extra that he suddenly decided I needed.  ALWAYS.

So yesterday he embarked on a search for Gouda chipotle cheese and returned a LONG time later with this weird ball of cheddar cheese colored pink with port wine and covered with slivered almonds.  "WHAT is THAT?" I said, pausing long enough in my 4-hour-long mad pre-party dash to examine his find.

Puke-y looking, right?
My hapless spouse, aided by the experience of 22 years of marriage, intuited that my tone of voice did not indicate happiness.  "Um, the wrong thing, I guess?"  And then, rallying to defend himself, he said, "It looks good."

"It LOOKS like a ball of saran-wrapped VOMIT."

Silence, as both of us stood there sort of stunned by the vehemence of my reaction.  "So," Larry finally managed to say, "you don't like it?"

We did try it, folks - and even Larry had to admit it tasted awful.  But that wasn't the end.  "Why did you buy Carr's water crackers?" I asked.  "We have plenty of crackers."

Look, people, I was BUSY.  There was no time to mince words.

As Larry was trying to explain away this latest frivolous purchase, Susie - who had, earlier that morning, accompanied me to Target to help select crackers she liked - walked into the kitchen, saw the boxes of Carr's on the table, and said, "WHO bought THESE?  These taste AWFUL" and walked out.  Whereupon Larry lifted his hands in surrender and most likely vowed to himself to never, EVER go to the grocery store on an errand again.

At least that's something we can agree on, right?


  1. Yep. Yep. Yep. Although I kind of like the dry paper taste of Carr's crackers.

  2. Larry likens them to rice cakes, a perennial non-favorite of his. But then we decided they will come in handy when the inevitable stomach bug hits our home this winter.

  3. My mom used to serve that port wine cheese ball thing in the 70's. It has such a weird taste.

  4. That is a truly unappetizing looking ball of cheese. And I live in Wisconsin and see a lot of cheese.

  5. I think our husbands might have been separated at birth. And yes, it looks very much like saran-wrapped vomit.

  6. I loved that cheese when I was a kid. Sugary cheese. You bet. My Gary always goes and instead of deciding buys one of everything.

  7. Hey! Kaukauna cheese! I used to teach in that city!
    Must be a Wisconsin thing--people here adore port wine. And pickled herring. Maybe it's us, not you...

  8. What is it with men? I think they do this on purpose so that they won't have to go to the grocery store. I admit, I like port wine cheese. It was my mom's go-to appetizer in the seventies.

  9. My mom's idea of an appetizer in the 70s was pickled pigs feet. So a cheese ball would haven been delightful in comparison.

  10. AHHHHH it does look like barf! Here in Minnesota that is a party staple. I used to buy the Kraukana that came in little plastic tubs and eat it with Wheat Thins.

    Here in the Midwest our feelings taste a little like port wine :)

    I can totally relate to the pre-party-psychosis. It's the worst.

    Happy New Year, SC!

  11. My dad (a former midwesterner) liked to buy that "cheese" in ball form and in the little yogurt-sized cups. Blech!
    And a high-five to Susie on her fine taste in crackers!
    We won't discuss the unpleasantness that I've been [often] known to exhibit.
    (My husband can't find what I send him to the store for, either... I mean, how hard is it to buy exactly what I wrote down on paper?)

  12. Just had to say that I went grocery shopping tonight and as I passed the packed cheese section I thought of you :)

  13. I hate that cheese. Goat cheese with cranberry chipotle sauce is my jam.

    I can't believe how long since I've been here!

  14. Ohhhhh if I had a nickle for every time my hubby pulled that, I'd have... well, I'd have a TON of nickles, I guess is what I'd have. You are so not alone. I can even send him to the store with a picture of what I need and STILL it gets messed up. No more awful then him spending the last of our money for the week to pick me up tampons. Super tampons. The same ones he's bought for years. The same ones that I still send a pic so he gets it right. He comes home with lites. LITES. "what's the difference?" Ohhh idk, me being able to spend more than 10 minutes at a time out of the bathroom??? SMDH