The Poise That Refreshes

Now, I believe I have alluded in the past to the gobsmacking nature of menopause.  Let's review: at a time in your life when you are most likely enjoying the charming experience of living with a child going through the throes of puberty (complete with eyerolls, disdainful sneers, and angst galore), you yourself are experiencing what can only be described as a second adolescence, only less fun.  

Some days, I feel like this.

Acne, insecurity about your appearance, public embarrassment (when you forget to cross your legs before you sneeze) - ladies, all this and more will be yours at some point in your 40's.  Couple those delights with a face that insists on following the siren call of gravity and the realization that you have suddenly TURNED INTO YOUR MOTHER, and you've got a recipe for a humdinger of a decade.

Am I being too negative?  Forgive me.   Remember that movie in 4th grade?  The one that called the onset of menses a beautiful time in one's life?  We don't need to be lied to again, do we?  

Menopause sucks.  It's not beautiful, not unless you think "Is it hot in here or is it just me?" is incredibly alluring.

I swear to God, I just uttered that line TODAY to my dental hygienist.  SHOOT ME NOW.

Where was I?  Oh, yes, menopause.  There are some benefits to this time of our lives, true.  I'm no longer spending money on Kotex, for instance.  Of course, those funds are now going toward products that bill themselves - erroneously, I might add - as "wrinkle-removers"; but at least I no longer have to worry about being stocked up, as it were.  And I can schedule a trip to the beach without planning around "that time of the month."

Hey, who else remembers teen slumber parties where you discussed, "Oh my gosh, what if you have your period on your wedding night?"

Just me?  Okay, never mind.

Anywhoo, Poise (which is - full disclosure - sponsoring this post, but the opinions herein are mine, ALL MINE) has come out with a line of products designed to mitigate some of the less pleasant aspects of going through this time of life.

People, when BlogHer told me I could test one of these products, I immediately fixated on their Roll-On Cooling Gel, a purse-friendly tube of something magic that delivers a cooling sensation when you roll it on your wrists or neck.   You see, my current method of alleviating the discomfort that accompanies hot flashes is to grab an ice pack from the freezer and apply it to the back of my neck.  As you can imagine, this approach can be a little difficult to implement when one is away from home.  As a result, my spouse has had to endure the embarrassment of watching me, in public, fish ice cubes out of my drink and shove them down the back of my shirt.


Of course, that embarrassment is NOTHING compared to what he would experience were I to follow my first instinct of simultaneously stripping down to my underwear and dumping my cold drink over my head.  So, really, he shouldn't complain, don't you think?


Anyway, it struck me that this Roll-On Cooling Gel idea might be a more subtle way to deal with hot flashes when I am away from my freezer.  And I'm pleased to report that it does help mitigate the discomfort I experience from hot flashes.  What's more, it doesn't have any funky scent that would give me a headache.  So many products designed for women are contaminated with perfumes that are, for me and many others, a direct ticket to a migraine.  This Cooling Gel is NOT one of them.

Poise brand's other products designed for this "change of life," as I remember Edith Bunker calling it, are the following:

Body Cooling Towelettes offer instant cooling and refreshment.  Gently wipe the towelette on wrists, chest or neck to feel cool and comfortable. Featuring a portable, re-sealable package, these towelettes are easy to use anywhere you go.

Personal Lubricant designed to enhance your intimate experience. This lubricant features an easy to use bottle and is made without Fragrance, Glycerin or Parabens.
 
Panty Fresheners have a fresh and clean scent that lasts up to four hours. These discreet,  hypoallergenic fresheners stick to the outside of your undergarments so you can confidently go about your day. 

Feminine Wash provides daily freshness with a unique formulation that is pH balanced for your intimate area. Glycerin and paraben free, this gentle wash will help you feel clean and confident.

Learn more about these new products, hear stories from real women, share your own, and pledge to join The 2nd Talk at Poise.com.    Also, get a free sample by clicking here or download a coupon here.

And, wait!  Here's the best part: Poise is giving away a $100 Visa gift card to one lucky commenter on this post.  All you have to do is answer the following question:

How are you approaching life's changes confidently?

Sweepstakes Rules

No duplicate comments.
You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods:

1. Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post
2. Tweet (public message) about this promotion; including exactly the following unique term in your tweet message: "#SweepstakesEntry"; and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post
3. Blog about this promotion, including a disclosure that you are receiving a sweepstakes entry in exchange for writing the blog post, and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post
4. For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry.

This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 120 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.
The Official Rules are available here.
This sweepstakes runs from 1/22/13-2/19/13.
Be sure to visit the Poise brand page on BlogHer.com where you can read other bloggers’ reviews and find more chances to win!



[Edith Bunker image: Talent Mechanic]

Handyman Fever

Larry, flush with success after completing his insulation project in the den, spent yesterday tearing out the walls in Anna's old room.  His reason?  They needed paint.  Really. 

You see, even before Anna officially moved out last summer, Brian had been coveting her domain.  Rumor has it he was even seen sneaking into her room while she was at work and measuring her closet to see if his Lego table would fit.  But, of course, he wasn't excited about taking ownership of a room whose wall color roughly resembles that of black raspberry ice cream.

Gosh, it seems like just yesterday that I was regaling you with the story of choosing that paint color.  3 years ago, it was...

I'm the adoring wife in the background, I guess.

So!  As Brian pored over paint sample cards, Larry (following his usual perfectionist logic) said, "Well, I'm not going to paint those walls without first tearing them down and putting insulation."

Apparently, folks, he is planning to rip our house apart bit by bit, room by room.  I'm wondering if it wouldn't be more efficient to just knock the whole thing down at once and rebuild it.

So, all that explains why my master bedroom is now crowded with an extra dresser, a disassembled bunk bed, and all the craft stuff I had stowed away in Anna's closet the minute she moved out.  That's right - Brian wasn't the only person around here eyeing that extra space...


[Handyman image: BeachTeam]

Preemptive Nostalgia

Not dead yet...

Totally worth coloring for...

Enjoying (or trying to, anyway, drugged up on Sudafed and Excedrin Migraine as I am) this rare sunny day.  We'll be scooping up freebies (hey, our local bakery gives a free cookie for a completed snowman coloring page!) and buying ingredients for David's lasagna and attending a birthday party (cake!).  All in all, it's a gloriously ordinary suburban day, one that I am sure I will look back on fondly when I sit, alone and forgotten, in a nursing home someday.

Wow, where did THAT come from?  Must be the menopause...

Maybe I'll cheer myself up by reading Celebrity sTalker again before I give it away.  Last day to enter!



[Cookie image: Peanut Butter Runner]

Delirium

Wow, what a difference the sun makes!  We haven't seen it in a week, at least.  Also? Everyone in this family has been sick all week with some sore throat/headache/cold combo that simply will NOT go away.  In fact, a couple of the kids seem to have started on a second round.  I can't really keep track anymore.  All I know is that I fed everyone ice cream for lunch today - it felt like the right thing to do.

It's not the flu, people.  You know when you have the flu, because when you have the flu, you lie in bed and think that death really isn't so bad.  Also?  Your hair hurts.  This isn't that.  It's just an irritating cold that kept me up most of the night last night; and when I did doze off, I drifted in and out of weird dreams about Downton Abbey.

Very weird.

These people are haunting me.

So, all that to explain why I haven't written this week.  But the Celebrity sTalker book giveaway is still ongoing!  Comment on this post by tomorrow to have a chance to win a free copy of Suzy's book. 

Celebrity Stalker

No, not me, silly - Suzy.  Suzy Soro.  She played the woman who got the last chocolate babka in Season 4 of Seinfeld , and now she's written a book where she indulges to the max in her 2 favorite pastimes - telling funny stories and name dropping.

Did I mention that I actually am acquainted with Suzy Soro?  In the Internet sense, anyway.  I mean, I email her and EVERYTHING.  Also, I bought her book.  So, we're practically related.

Anywhoo, she has a lot more names to drop than I do.  Apparently, she has made it her life mission to embarrass herself in front of as many celebrities as possible.  In the end, she comes across as a sort of Hollywood Zelig.

Does anyone remember Zelig?  I'd like to point out, Suzy, that the one celebrity you never mentioned was Woody Allen.  And he's the one I've met (or at least stalked).  So, between us, we've seen everyone.

It was this way.  I had taken my college roommate Carol into NYC for the day, on our way back up to school.  She hailed from Houston, you see, and I was determined to show her a REAL city.  Plus, we wanted to see a Broadway play.  Amadeus, I think it was.

The only celebrities I've almost stalked

So! We were walking along the streets of the Greatest City in the World when suddenly Carol, a tall, blonde young woman with way more sophistication than Miss Short and Dark NJ here will ever have, grabbed my arm and started jumping up and down like a maniac.  "Look!  Woody Allen!  It's Woody Allen and Mia Farrow!  They just passed us!" she yelled in a voice I could only assume she used for telling all her Texas dogies to git a long.  People were staring at us.  I glanced in the direction she was pointing and saw 2 short-ish people hustling along, heads down, arm-in-arm.  Carol, still jumping up and down, was insisting on following them.

"Carol," I said, "We're not going to chase people.  Besides, I don't think that's even them."

At that moment, in a textbook case of Life imitating Art (Art, in this case, meaning "Annie Hall"), a guy standing in a doorway started pointing and shouting, "It's Woody Allen! Look, folks, that's Woody Allen!" in the thickest New York accent imaginable.

At which point both Woody and Mia jogged around a corner and out of my life.

So, see, I could have practically written this book myself, Suzy.  You just thought of it first.  And you're funnier.  And I really don't know where I'm going with this book review.

Only, the book made me realize that Suzy and I have a whole heck of a lot in common, so far as our backgrounds go.  I mean, we're practically twins.  For instance, Suzy used to stay up with her mother and watch The Tonight Show featuring Johnny Carson.  Well, my mother used to let me stay up to watch it, too!  Does anyone remember when Johnny came out dressed up as the Sun, stood there a minute (timing is everything, folks), and then said, "Is it hot in here, or is it me?"

It still makes me laugh.

Also?  According to Suzy, she spent the majority of her youth watching I Love Lucy.  Well, same here.  I think it's time to have an I Love Lucy Slam, Suzy.  Hey! What was the chicken doing in the camera case?  Do you remember?  I do. 

See what I mean?  Twins. I mean, except for the part where she is a professional stand-up comedian and I'm nothing professional whatsoever.  Also, I have 6 kids, and she is not particularly enamored of children.  And I'm happily married, and she is happily not.  Also, she looks to be way taller than I am.

So!  Now that I've finished this book, I'm giving it away to one lucky reader who comments below.  I mean, lucky if you are the type of reader who would appreciate the experience of sitting with Suzy in a coffee shop while she regales you with one crazy true story after another.  But if you don't enjoy a rollicking good yarn, don't even bother to comment.  Go back to reading The Economist or whatever other boring reading material you normally subject yourself to.  I mean, you wouldn't want to have to laugh or anything, now would you?





[Woody Allen/Mia Farrow image: Business Insider]
[I Love Lucy image: TVLand]