Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Brady Envy

We had a teachable moment here yesterday morning - I got to instruct my daughter on proper dress (as in, if your entire butt crack shows when you bend over, you need to change your jeans before you go out) and she got to instruct me in just how much she doesn't care about our dress code. I don't remember ever seeing this sort of thing on the Brady Bunch. Which, I'm belatedly realizing, has been my guide to parenting all these years. No wonder I can never get all the housework done - I've been sitting around waiting for Alice to show up.

After Anna changed (loudly), she and Theo went out kayaking, which provided me with a much-needed respite from the teenage death glare (also never seen on the Brady Bunch); I spent my morning productively cleaning up after all of Susie's toilet-training accidents. Oh, and I made David cry by suggesting we work on his book report. Cross that one off my to-do list.....

I lost my head later when I picked up the teenagers from the bus and foolishly asked Anna if she had had fun at the boathouse. I received another death glare for my troubles. A couple of hours later, I woke her up from a nap to take Susie to the swings so that I could escape to the bookstore with David (they were having an educators' reception there). Death glare #3 - I never learn, now do I? But I left anyway. The reception was great - David ate handfuls of M&M's and I feasted on the Brownie Bites. I entered a few drawings, because I love freebies. Anyway, the festivities were interrupted by Anna's calling me to tell me that Susie had once again peed on the floor. Ah! Another teachable moment! I described to Anna the absorptive qualities of dishtowels and recommended that she see for herself how well they would wipe up the puddle (that would be the lab portion of the class). She hung up on me (she had no other option, as the Death Glare cannot be administered over a phone line). She's not going to get a very good grade for comportment this semester, I can tell you.

The stomach-virus fairy is still conducting mop-up operations around here (no pun intended); David "felt funny" last night (we weren't sure what that meant, but we supplied him with a dishpan and got him off the top bunk, just in case) and Anna woke up complaining this morning. I mean, more than usual. So she's downstairs watching Fiddler on the Roof, a nice wholesome movie that may have a pogrom or two, but at least Tevye isn't snorting cocaine out in the barn and none of the daughters' butt cracks are showing. And all the swear words are in Yiddish. I'm sure Carol Brady would approve.

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16 comments:

  1. Sadly, this post made me feel better in that I know now that I am not the only person that gets the teenage death glare more than once a day.

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  2. haha, the joys of teenagers.

    i love it when things like peeing on the floor happen when I am NOT home and someone else can deal with it. Especially someone who has been behaving like a teenager all day ^^

    Karen

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  3. Oh my, sounds like you are in the throes of teenageitis! Good luck with that!
    Seriously, hang in there! It can only get better, right?
    Hope the stomach bug, at least, will be done and gone soon!
    - Heidi

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  4. Well, as long as someone feels better about it. Actually, I think we got the phrase "death glare" from an absolutely hysterical piece Garrison Keillor did earlier this year on Prairie Home Companion. It involved a teenage girl whose mother discovers a picture of her with her boyfriend (whom the mother didn't know about). Our other favorite line from that is, "Get off my case! I know what I'm doing!" Uttered after the mother expresses concern that the boyfriend is 32 and doesn't have his GED yet. Oh, my goodness, we were rolling on the floor and crying with laughter listening to it. Luckily, Anna was out babysitting at the time.

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  5. You know, I feel so stupid because when *I* was young (100 years ago) if I gave MY mother the teenage death glare, there would have been terrible consequences. So I only did that BEHIND HER BACK. Same with flipping her the bird. I think kids are getting dumber.

    Hang in there, my friend. It must just be the worst thing ever to have the hormones raging and to need a nap at the same time.

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  6. Wait, is Alice supposed to hit my place before, or after your place? I might need to hire someone new.

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  7. Hoo boy, I am NOT looking forward to those teenage years. Not one little bit. My oldest will officially be a teenager in twenty-one more days!

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  8. Oh my. Vomit fest, potty training and teenaged angst all at the same time? THAT is just not fair.

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  9. Part of the job description, I'm afraid. Good thing I'm being paid the big bucks!

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  10. Very, very funny! Yeah... there was a lot the Brady's didn't do, wasn't there? Come to think of it, I never saw them drinking, either...

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  11. kadi prescottOctober 17, 2007

    You are scaring me lady! I still have a few more years before I hit the preteen stage, and I'm only getting eye rolls as of yet. Oh, and if Alice ever shows, please send her over to my disasterous home. Much obliged...;)

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  12. Tee hee! I am terrified of the teenage years. I would prefer that they all stay the age they are, because teenagers are HORRIBLE CREATURES.

    I'm one of nine kids, so your adventures feel very familiar. I don't think I could handle raising more than the three I have though!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog, and for your great comments. Nice to meet you! :>

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  13. Why do kids think seeing an entire butt crack is a good thing? It's a constant battle around here, but my daughter is SURE that I am the only mother around who has a problem. You must be the one other one.

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  14. Yup, it's just you and me. Everyone else, apparently, has gone over to the dark side.

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  15. Ahhh the teenage years! So young, so full of themselves...I mean...life. I have 2 teenage boys and one pre-teen girl. Although I don't get the death stare from my oldest, I do from my 14yo. Ahhh the joys of "ruining his life forever". Nothing quite says satisfying as hearing that from your own spawn. At least my pre-teen daughter still loves me, I give her 2 - 3 years tops before the hormones take over the brain and I've lost her!

    I absolutely LOVE your blog and thoroughly enjoy reading all your posts, especially the updates on how your daughter still hates you. It's good to know you haven't lost your touch!

    http://momoftheyear-not.blogspot.com/

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  16. Oh this is just too funny!!! I saw your name on Dawn Meehan's blog and thought I would check your blog out. I'm glad I did..I think I will be adding this to my list of must reads..the list is pretty short but thoroughly enjoyed! I have a 11-going-on-16 year old daughter (as a matter of fact I just had my 6th daughter.....HELP!!!!!! for when they get older) and I am beginning to get the eye-rolling and death glares. She's still pretty sweet and in the innocent stage but when she does give the glares, they kind of crack me up, which doesn't amuse her that she gets a "oh cute, my little girl thinks she's getting so old!" kind of chortle with some of the glares. I love your take on things!

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