Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Why Hillary Clinton Envies Me

After an entire day of being sick, Anna woke up yesterday morning and was downright pleasant to her siblings. It was scary, because it means that the real Anna is trapped in that teenager's body somewhere, and she can't get out. Not for any real length of time, anyway. All day, as she got better and better (physically), she got worse and worse, demeanor-wise. But it was nice for at least 2 hours. I've got to take what I can get.

I was a good mother and made chicken soup for my recovering sickie. Now we're just waiting for David and Larry to come down with this bug. I wish they would hurry up, because my best friend refuses to come into my house until they do.

I managed to escape for 2 whole hours this evening to attend a Stitch 'n' (I'm not a prig, I just don't want to lose the G-rating on this blog) near my house. Everyone was nice there; in fact, I've yet to meet a nasty knitter. People were showing off their expensive sock yarn; they even let me (a perfect stranger) fondle it. (Believe me, if you had seen it, you'd have wanted to fondle it, also.) Then I went back to knitting with my $2.50-a-skein-with-the-40%-coupon yarn that I buy at the local Michael's. And they didn't even reject me. Whew - I guess snobby knitters are rare, also.

It has forgotten how to rain. That is the only explanation for the weather we are having here. The plus side of our drought is that we haven't been tormented by Asian tiger mosquitoes all summer and fall; the down side (and you knew there had to be one, didn't you?) is that some weird species of cricket is moving into everyone's basements and utility rooms looking for water. Good Lord, I hate bugs. Especially ones that jump and can land in my hair. It's a girl thing.

I still haven't figured out how to turn Brian into a tornado for Halloween, and none of you are any help. And, yes, I know that it would be fun to glue little plastic animals and houses and cars all over the outside of his costume - but I need the body of his costume first. Somehow, I don't think that even the God Google can help me. We've got the hat figured out, at least - something that we can glue cotton all over and pretend it's a cloud. Now, don't steal that idea. It's ours.

Chicken soup, yarn, bugs, costumes - yes, I lead a breathtakingly inconsequential life. It's an art. And you're just jealous. I bet Hillary Clinton is secretly dying to be me. I'm sure she can't even make a simple visit to Target without being hounded by all sorts of important people - and there's no way she could take 4 kids to the snack counter and feed them all on one 1-dollar bag of popcorn, without the media raising a fuss. But I can, Hillary! I've got it all!

Hmm, maybe I could make money by letting people be me for a day. Then they'd pay me to take my life back. It's harder than it looks, you know.


  1. Here are two tornado costume links
    not sure either are good, but it's something. Here are some other ones I wish I could find the online pictures for the table was cool. Maybe if you email the paper they could send them to you?

  2. Not just Hillary, but Madonna, Angelina and Queen Elizabeth, too. I'm sure!

    And I still can't wait to see that costume (yep, you nailed me - ms. nohelpwhatsoever).

    - Heidi

  3. Ok, I've got an idea but it's a bit...involved.
    Get different sized hoops (maybe using needle point hoops?) and, going from smallest to largest, attach them with thread to make the frame. Add ribbon or something similar to the largest to make suspenders. Then sew a cover with some type of grey fabric.

    Ok, like I said, it sounds complicated but perhaps from this idea, you can come up with something a bit more simple?

  4. You know, that last one just might work....I'm off to Michaels.

  5. Or if you could find some lightweight fencing material and wrap it around in a sort of cylinder/cone shape. Like those tomato cages, but bigger. Then wrap fabric around it. But what do I know, I'm a guy.

  6. That's a good idea, too - I just have to make sure not to get the barbed-wire kind. I mean, this is one of the kids I still like.

  7. I didn't know that stitching could be so competitive.

  8. I know, I know. It sure is! (Especially now that I know you're a home-schooler, too!

  9. Every time I bake cookies for the girls, or for a sale, or for whatever, I think of Hillary Clinton's remark (years ago, yes, but I can hold a grudge) about how she wasn't going to stay home and bake cookies, she was going to MAKE something of her life.

    Hillary Clinton can bite me.

  10. I am marveling at all the people who know how to sew. I would really, really like to learn. I bought a sewing machine and everything. Took a class at Joanne's. I still can't sew because I am stumped by the bobbin, so I can only sew when random friends come over and take pity on me, threading the bobbing for me.

    And KNITTING. Boggles the mind.

  11. Search for ice cream cone costumes to get the technique, but make it grey and stripey instead of tan with the crossed lines... Then use quite a bit of stuffing to make clouds around his shoulders and head. I forget which magazine I saw it in,but the instructions for the ice cream cone looked fairly simple.