Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Handbag Math

The few guys who read this may just want to leave the room now. No, I'm not going to be talking about anything embarrassing like tampons or such; but I'm willing to bet that you could care less about handbags. Go check out The Clay Pigeon - Grundir the Implacable is dispensing work life advice, and there's the scariest bunch of trash-talkin' math wizards you could ever hope to meet. You can come on back for the last 2 paragraphs, where I discuss the mean trick my husband played on me this morning.

Anyway, gals, I went to Target tonight for some Vagisil (ha, ha, just kidding, just wanted to get rid of those interfering men) and I spotted a new handbag. It sort of leapt out at me and asked me to hold it and check out its cellphone pocket (isn't this the first thing you do with purses now, look for where the cellphone goes?). It's fun, it's flirty; in other words, it's totally not me. So I was trying to decide whether or not to take a big leap of faith and buy it and pretend to be fun and flirty. I mean, this isn't just a handbag, it's a statement, right? It's saying that I am not going gently into the dowdiness of middle age; this handbag can let the world know that a few wrinkles doth not an old hag make.

[By the way, Larry wonders why it takes me hours to come out of Target. It's because all these philosophical questions arise. They are very time-consuming.]

Where was I? Oh, yes...at that point I thought, hey, why am I agonizing over this decision? The purse cost 17 dollars. The handbag I bought 2 years ago (2 whole years ago!) was also 17 dollars. At that rate, I cost my husband only $8.50 (plus tax) in handbags a year. You know, there's frugal (which I am, believe it or not), and then there's just plain stupid.

So I bought 6.

No, no, no, I just felt like typing that. But it occurred to me that my husband doesn't understand how expensive handbag-acquisition habits can be, because he has been spoiled all these years by his undemanding wife. I'm totally on board for (with?) keeping to our budget and saving for our retirement; but I need him to realize that things could be much worse, wife-spending-wise, you know what I mean? What's the use of unappreciated sacrifice, anyway?

So whaddaya think? Should I buy lots of stuff at once and bring it home and then say, loudly, "But no, that would be wrong!" and then return all of it (except the handbag, of course). Or is there an easier way to get my point across?

Okay, guys, come back in. Sometimes we just need a little girl talk, you know? Anyway, Larry made sure this morning that I would never, ever bother him at work again. So you menfolks may just want to take notes on this. You see, he asked me for our dentist's phone number so he could confirm a dental appointment for later this week, and I asked him to get me a make-up appointment for a cleaning while he was on the phone with them. He sounded a little annoyed and rushed when I asked, but tough.

So, yeah, he got me the appointment. For 7:30 AM. By my calculations, that means I have to be up, showered, and dressed by 7:15. (I'm spoiled, all right? I haven't managed that all winter.) Think I'll ever ask him to schedule anything for me again? I don't think so. He's diabolically clever, he is.

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36 comments:

  1. You know what I'd say about buying the handbag, right? Because you're not a junkie . . .

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  2. I'm with you, girl. I tell my hubby all the time that he is lucky to have me - with my $12.50 on clearance handbags and my $3.75 after extra 20% off capris at the end of the season, etc. Lucky to have me flaunting 2 for 1 entrees at every restaurant we patronize (Sun-Thurs. of course since my coupons are never good on weekends). He says he can't afford to have me save him so much money. I think I get it.
    KEEP BELIEVING

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  3. angie - Larry and I love those ads: "The More You Spend, The More You Save!" Yup, until you save so much you're flat broke.

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  4. I did what you said, and that Pigeon thing is awesome!

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  5. Thank you. Thank you for bringing up feminine products. I felt free to skip over until the end. But now I'm sick.

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  6. I was desperately hoping for a picture of the handbag. I may have a slight problem. I'm seeking help (the therapeutic kind... that you can only find at... Target.)

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  7. Oh, wow. I'm like the last person you want for shopping questions. I'm the girl who will find a tank top she likes and buy 2 in every color just so she has options. And a back up.

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  8. My DH also does not fully appreciate my non-spending habits. I can't tell you how many times I have faced a similar dilema to yours, and end up not buying anything. Just tonight, I found a beautiful wreath that would have been perfect on our front door. It was marked down to $9.00 from $20.00. I didn't buy it, because we really don't NEED it, and $9.00 will buy several school lunches.
    Still, I kind of wish I'd have bought it.

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  9. You really do need to do something to get even with him for the early moring dentist appointment.

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  10. Is it better to buy lots of cheap handbags or one really expensive handbag? I mean, if you can't buy just one really cheap handbag....

    $17. That's like 8 pounds. That's practically free.

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  11. Oooohhh...that Larry is gooooood. Despite myself, I am impressed.

    And just for that -- buy 6.

    Heidi

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  12. family adventure - It's tempting, isn't it?

    john kelly - No woman wants to be married to a handbag for life. So I'd go for several cheap ones over one expensive, high-quality one. This principle does not, however, apply to men.

    jill - I can tell we're on the same page here!

    melissious - It occurred to me later that I should have included a picture, but that would have been technologically challenging at that late hour in the evening.

    dorky dad - Sick? But I thought you skipped the long, involved discussion of purse-buying?

    diesel - You take disingenuousness to new heights.

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  13. Last summer I wanted to buy yarn for a particular pattern. "You have yarn," my husband said. "Not the right yarn for that pattern," I tried to explain. I then added up how much money I don't spend each year on getting my hair professionally cut or dyed. (I have stubborn grey; it really does require professionals.) I might get it cut once or twice a year at one of those cheap walk-in places, and when it gets long enough, I just trim it myself. And I just live with the grey. Let me tell you, I'm saving oodles of money. I got the yarn.

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  14. And here I thought that you were the one with the wicked sense of humor...it appears your husband is right up there with you!

    I think you should buy one designer handbag with a price tag containing lots and lots of zeros. When your husband starts breathing again after you offer to return it (not because of the price, mind you, but because it's the wrong color or size), then you can make your point of how bad things could really, really be!

    God bless, and hope you're feeling better.

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  15. My first stop on your blog and I am hooked - loving it and I will be back!

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  16. What I'd like to know is what we all did before Target, God bless them, putting everything in ONE SPOT so we could get it all over with in one fell swoop.

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  17. Ooh, that's just mean. Seriously, can't you reschedule that? He's a smart one, that husband.

    You know, I think Target opens at 8:00. Which dovetails nicely with when you'll finish with your dental cleaning. And since you'll be dressed and everything...Maybe Larry didn't think this through, after all. Go shopping, girl.

    My husband doesn't understand how good he has it, either.

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  18. SC, you have stumbled upon the BEAUTY of Target: with purses priced at just 17 bucks, you can wear that sucker and then buy a new one the next year -- without feeling bad! Yay "Made in China"!

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  19. You should definitely buy the purse. And tell him all about how you didn't get a Coach bag, or a Dooney and Burke, for 10 times more money. That's right. So you could in theory be buying 10 bags at Target. Instead of 1 bag at Nordstrom!

    He's lucky. As is mine. I used to be much more high maintenance.

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  20. I, too, am in your situation. My husband owns more shoes than I do, and I replace my purse when my old one dies. DIES! I really think he carries on way too much when I buy things for the house. If he only knew...

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  21. You are a clever woman. I often think the same thing when it comes to spending or not and how lucky Mr. D is. And yes, a handbag at Target CAN induce huge amounts of philosophical self-searching. Been there myself.
    That appointment? Nasty time.

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  22. Yup, pocket for cell phone, first thing I check.

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  23. $17 for a fun and flirty purse?

    I am so jealous of anyone who lives near a Target. THAT is amazing.

    And I would absolutely cancel that 7:30 am appt. Right. Now.

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  24. mama bird - Yeah, I'm thinking about it. Although I like jennifer h's suggestion that I head over to Target afterwards.

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  25. Handbags, not so much. But shoes...yes, shoes. Four years ago I lost some weight (no, not rubbing it in) and my shoes were TOO big. From a 9 to an 8 1/2 with 15 easy pounds...NOT. (Let that be an incentive to all of you to not rush and lose that extra weight.) What was I to do? I started gradually, just replacing the necessities, but somehow it has ballooned into an outright love of shoes. The more unique the better. Hmmm. I'm not exactly Imelda, but I am beginning to wonder how to store them. What's going on? I never cared before?

    I'm not even going to start looking a purses!

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  26. I totally think your man needs some perspective. He should really know about all the things you COULD have bought, but haven't.

    Hope you're feeling better today!

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  27. I can't get past the Vagisil. Honestly, you make me laugh.

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  28. Stuff buying cheap handbags! - that Husband needs training!

    I suggest you go and buy an outrageously expensive, beautiful designer handbag (in useable colour) you will love using it every day, and the Husband can take on board how low maintainance you have really been!

    Next season buy another one - Hah!

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  29. I'm a guy, and the vagisil comment didn't scare me away. Though I do change the channel whenever the Depends commercial comes on the air. Makes me wonder how many women sitting next to me on the bus are pee'ing at the same time.

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  30. oh...that is clever. did you see when bossy used tampons as torpedoes in a post? good stuff. clear the room.

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  31. I'm totally impressed with Larry. Girl, go get the handbag - everyone needs a little retail therapy.

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  32. My most recent bag was $12, and I have a love hate relationship with it.

    There is this one Dooney & Bourke bag that I really really want. But I know I can never spend upwards of $200 on a bag, because I would be so scared of losing it that I would never bring it out of the house. My husband thanks me for being paranoid. I've never lost a purse before....

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  33. Target....I can be in there a looong time. Great handbags!

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  34. I'm a one handbag for life girl. I know, its like someone should take away my girly badge or something.

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  35. Oh, you make me laugh (all the way to Target!). What's 6 handbags, really, when you're on your knees, scrubbing those beautifully tiled floors every. day.

    I'm frugal too. Every now and then you just have to splurg...

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  36. My husband isn't that crzy. I get home from work at midnight, he leaves for work at 0430. When I drag my self in for my cleanings at the dentist, he takes the day off to watch the kids and I go after the older kids leave for school.

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