Saturday, February 09, 2008

Things I Never Learned In Math Class

6 kids equal 1800 dollars in tax rebate. In the words of Marketplace's Nancy Marshall-Genzer, "They really are cheaper by the dozen." I do wish I had thought of that joke first.

1 fun-size Twix equals 2 Mint Musketeers Miniatures (for all you Weight Watchers out there). But, if you leave the open bag of Musketeers next to your keyboard, you end up eating at least 8 points worth before your husband takes it away. After that, you have to settle for licking the empty wrappers (0 points!).

4 pairs of jeans in the laundry hamper equals no pants to wear except the too tight ones that I hang onto for no good reason. (And, yes, I am sitting here at the computer with them unbuttoned just so I can breathe - how did you know?)

One kid with a weird 24-hour fever-and-headache virus equals one week of sickness (at least) in a household of 8 people. Should be a great week coming up, folks! Stay tuned for more news from Quarantine Central....

Finally, one question equals 21 varied responses on what to do for your husband for Valentine's Day. I'd say that Derfwad Manor is sacrificing the most for her sweetheart (turning off your computer for the entire day, mrs. g? Are you trying to make me look bad?); and I would like to advise Neil that if his wife wants Valentine's Day to be all about her, I say go with it. I mean, if you like her and all...

Which reminds me - never marry a man whose birthday is February 14th. A friend of mine did this, and every Valentine's Day she has to listen to him complain about having to buy her a present on his birthday.


  1. Ah, but what is the Twix bar equivalence in caring for, cleaning up after and then finally catching the microbial infestation of the sick people in the house? That's your bonus question.

    Oh, and as for V-Day...we emphatically will NOT go out to eat. Haven't done that since we made a big deal of it (think babysitting fees for 6 kids under 7), and while waiting for the server to show up at our table, pulled the "Special Valentine's Menu" insert out of the menu folder discover the exact same menu, with every item half the price.

    I'll be happy with one of those 1-point WW chocolate-caramel bite thingies. (I will, I WILL...)

  2. Thanks for the advice. You are probably right. Why fight the tradition?

  3. I have that exact same pair of old yet waaaaay tooo tight jeans in my closet!

    Can't get rid of them because if I do, that will be admitting that I will never fit into them again!

  4. okay, wait. How did you figure 1800? You should get more, because we should get 1800 and we only have two kids that qualify and we'll get 1800. 1200 per couple filing jointly, and 300 per child under age 17.

  5. There's just no way to get enough chocolate without sacrificing a lot of points. I do love the new mint Muskateers. My birthday is Valentine's Day and I DO complain about the same thing. Once my husband got me roses, and only roses, and boy, did he hear about it. He did much better next year - I got a set of new tires.

  6. motherwise - I was so happy when I discovered them the other day! Who says there's never anything new under the sun?

    neil - yes, just make her pay up on your birthday....

    kalynne - the h*ll with the fake WW food...

    beth - it's not worth facing up to reality, is it?

    mary alice - I was only looking at the child tax credit portion...

  7. Yeah - my old joke is that the only reasons I have kids is for tax breaks and for someone to mow the lawn.

    And while I don't really think that increasing our national debt to just hand out money to everyone is necessarily the wisest financial move, I can certainly figure out things to spend my $2400 (2 adults + 4 kids) on.... :-D

  8. Will look for those new Musketeers. I wonder if they're as terrific, frozen, as the originals?

    Brother Sushi and I both deleted our V-day-only coupons from our favorite seafood restaurant, because it's only good that day, and we are JustFriends.

    I will pick up a big bag of Holiday M&M's and share them with the office.

    *New tires* as a gift? I sure hope they were red ones!

    No extra child tax credit for me, as LittleBit turned 18 in December. But I will be very happy to buy something to me, from me, with love, when my $600 arrives.

  9. Just found your blog and am hooked.

  10. I have calculated similar laundry math...never have all pairs of jeans dirty at the same time.

    We usually order dinner in for Valentine's Day. Nothing spectacular but atleast I don't have to cook dinner ;)

  11. Only $1800? Why bother? There goes my evil plan.

  12. Yeh, with that great new tax rebate I'm not wishing, for the first time, that we had more children.

    And it would stink to have to buy a gift for your spouse on your own b-day. Esp. a great, grand gift.

  13. Wow. It probably helps to be good at math when you're doing taxes and Weight Watchers at the same time:) Who knew?

  14. Sympathies on the sick kid. I have a measly four kids (and only three pregnancies because I had twins) but I swear that one cold lasts a month in our house! Why can't these kids coordinate so they are all sick on the same day.

  15. Husbands buy their wives gifts on Valentine's Day? In this country? Seriously?

    Go shopping for pants. Doing laundry just isn't worth it.

    Good luck with the Sick Watch. Hope everyone feels better soon.

  16. Like having a May 6th birthday. I get accused of double-dipping Mother's Day and my birthday. Like it was MY fault I was born in May. Geez.

  17. We were at a 4 year old bday party last night. Neighbors were complaining about the three-week illness plaguing their household, then discussing the Nurse Practioner mom's issues with MRSA at work.


  18. I think Valentine's Day is lost on people who have kids. It's just too hard (and expensive) to go out, at least it is for us. And we only have one kid (so far)!

  19. Mary Alice--WHAAAT? Only the kids under 17? I had not looked into this. I guess that's fair because they don't cost you any money in their senior year!

    I have to agree, you deserve the Twix Bar!

  20. My girlfriend explained Weight Watchers to me and it did seem to be a bit heavy on the math. Maybe you spend so much time calculating that you forget to eat?

  21. I told my husband I'd kill him if he buys me a dozen roses on V-Day like he usually does. They're expensive and my cats eat them.

    Does this mean I've been married too long?

    For the record, I did NOT tell him not to get me jewelry :)