Monday, February 11, 2008

Vampires and Valentines

I'm not too sure about this blood-donating thing anymore. I was happy to give and all; but as far as I understood it, no one was going to be bothering me for another 8 weeks. So why did I get a phone call tonight?

Anonymous Vampire: I'm with the Red Cross, and we were wondering if you'd be interested in making a platelet donation next week?
Me: Um, what are platelets?
A.V.: They're in your blood.
Me (relieved): Oh, I gave blood 2 weeks ago. I'm not allowed to give again for a while.
A.V.: This is a different procedure. We take more platelets, but we give you the rest of the blood back.
Me (trying hard not to pass out or throw up): Really?
A.V. (sounding disturbingly enthusiastic): Yes, we stick a needle in each of your arms and....(thud)...hello? Are you there? Hello?

So, Manic, I'm asking you to call off your dogs - they're scaring me. 2 needles? You know, the cookies weren't that good.

In related news, we made valentines today (you know, blood, hearts, valentines) - it kept the kids busy, and I (the eternal optimist) even entertained the notion of being able to spend the afternoon sitting peacefully at the kitchen table with them, decorating cardstock with foam hearts and cute pictures and drinking hot cocoa. Instead I spent an hour and a half resolving one crisis after another concerning not-self-adhesive foam hearts and dried up glue sticks and stamp pad property rights; and then I had to clean up the stove where the hot cocoa boiled over, and one of the neighbor's 4-year-olds didn't make it to the bathroom in time...all of which conspired to destroy any misguided notions of a Mary Engelbreit type day (please click on that link, because a picture is worth a thousand words).

Maybe next year...


  1. After reading about your day, I'm even happier about my decision to take a nap instead of making valentines.

  2. It's fun to make valentines, but you have to know how!

    You take a pink sheet and you fold it in half,
    Then cut in the shape of a treble clef staff.
    Open it up and then take a red sheet,
    And do the same thing; it's quick and it's neat!
    With a white one from which to cut two shapes in all,
    A larger outside and inside a small.

    Then with one little glue stick
    making a dot
    In the center of each cut-out heart, say! You've got
    A tri-colored messenger for "How I love you!"
    That took nothing more messy than scissors and glue.

  3. Yay for the valentines. I'm still giggling at the Anonymous Vampires. Heh heh. Brilliant.

  4. mama geek - It reminded me of those old SNL skits, with the killer shark knocking on the door and saying, "Candygram!"

    kalynne - Tell me you didn't just make that up.

    jill - A nap would have been good.

  5. I am just impressed that you still make Valentines. I admire your energy amd devotion.

  6. mrs. g. - If you still had kids under 10 around, you'd be making the d*mn things, too.

  7. I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one with days like that. You try to do a nice fun activity with the kids, and it doesn't go quite as planned. Happens all the time here.

  8. Um, I was lazy this year and just bought the valentines that you write to/from on. And there was absolutely no hot chocolate involved. Is that bad?

  9. I'm a rubber stamper and card maker but none of my supplies are available right now becauswe I'm in the process of moving. I'm suffering ink withdrawal.

    My 10-year-old daughter was writing out store bought Valentines and trying to match the card and sentiment to her relationship with the recipient.

    She came to a classmate's name on her list and paused for a long time. This child was a pain in my daughter's side, a mean disruptive bully.

    She was trying to explain to me just how much she wished this child was not in her class and said, "Mama, what can I say? X's mom wasted nine months growing X in her belly."

    Ouch! Whew! Watch that tongue, girly.

  10. Sounds like crafting with my kids...glue everywhere except on the craft, fighting, lots of fighting and everyone leaving the table in a huff...

  11. Haha! I was under the delusion that making valentines with the kids was fun last year. Lesson learned. This year we're SO buying them.

  12. I gave blood once. I don't have have a problem with needles, or even two of them, but as I watched my blood draining slowly out of my arm...thunk. I fainted. First time in my life and hopefully the last.

    On the bright side, as hectic as it sounded, I think you created some lasting and fond memories for your children (and your neighbor's four-year old).

    On another thought, is this 4 year old the daughter of your fiendish neighbor that shows up to haul you out of bed at 6:30 for a morning walk? Just curious...

    God bless.

  13. bia - I never look. And no, the fiendish neighbor has one grown child. This 4-year-old is the twin brother of the boy whose head got cracked open by Brian in our basement. But his mother still lets them come over. Isn't she cool?

    tootsie - No, you're just realistic. And that's a good thing to be.

    v-grrrl - Welcome to the party! I'd answer you directly, but you don't have an e-mail registered with Blogger.

  14. OMG!!! The vampires!!!

    "Manic, call off your dogs"

    I cracked up at that!!!

  15. Good grief. I clicked on the link. I think I'd rather go for the two needles.

    Funny post.

  16. Ugh! I gave plasma a few times, and it took forever because my BP is low, and it hurt my arm really bad too.

  17. I'm glad you hung up on the bloodsuckers. I hate that -- whenever we're inspired to give, suddenly we're inundated with calls requesting more more MORE!!!

    At least it wasn't the Monty Python guys, wanting your liver.

    As for the valentines, you're a braver woman than I.

  18. Heh! You actually made me feel good about having done NOTHING in preparation for this year's Valentine's!

    And TWO needle? That's crazy!


  19. Uff. It's no fun doing crafts that turn out ugly--and the clean up takes more than making the actual craft.

    You do enough good deeds. Screw the bloodmobile. Let somebody else step up.

  20. I did the two needles thing a couple of times when I was working at NIH. The best part was they paid me for it and the second best thing was it took 2 hours, so I got to sit and watch a movie while the nurses fussed over me with blankets (the rst of your blood going back in is chilly). However, with needles in both arms, I pretty much couldn't scratch my nose if it itched!

    I'm thinking if I plan on my son making Valentines this week, I need to get my butt in gear.

  21. Mom Bomb - Yes, I did think of the liver donor scene in The Meaning of Life. "But...I'm still using it!"

    mommyk - You got paid? All they offered me was a T-shirt. No fair!

    cheri - It is a toss-up, isn't it?

  22. I'm so glad to hear you make your own valentines. I was beginning to think we were too old-fashioned or something.

    By the way, I'm having a lot of fun this morning reading your blog and catching up on old posts. I love much about it, starting with the title and your son's pseudonym (Theo). I'm happy to have met you! Good luck fending off the vampires. I hear garlic helps.

  23. YIKES - that reminds me of when I lived in Arizona and people got paid for giving blood. I knew this guy who managed to give WAY more often than he should to earn extra cash - CREEPY.

  24. I had that valentine idea too - eventually, I handed her the glitter glue and let her have at the envelopes. She finger painted them all with glitter glue. A sight to behold.

  25. Thank you so much for this post! I was gettin all nostalgic for those good old days of cocoa and homemade brought me back to reality.

  26. I've never been able to give blood, I don't weigh enough. My husband used to give blood regularly until they found out he was in Europe during the Mad Cow epidemic.

  27. That's funny, because the first thing that popped into my mind was the screaming, "He took my red crayon" bonding times with my brood. Then I thought, nah, you're probably the Engle(whatever) type and the perfect Valentines popped into my head. Thank God I'm not the only one with misguided ambitions!
    And now I want to torture myself and make valentines with my boys. Go figure.
    (mental note: self-adhesive sticky hearts.)

  28. Hahahahaha! (I think maybe you send in this one!!!) It's perfect!

  29. marie - Even though you don't weigh enough to give blood, I'll try to like you anyway...

    angelawd - Reality is my middle name.

  30. Yeah, don't believe the pictures, EVER! I left you a gift today on my blog.

  31. With apologies to Mary Engelbreit in advance, but she/her craft team can kiss my keester.

    I'm so buying Valentines. We would have to have different Valentine-making zones in our house, one for each child.

    Two needles? That's just crazy. I'd rather they take the blood, do whatever they have to do, and just keep it. Gotta go... I'm a little lighthea...

  32. We decorated the house for Valentine's Day this weekend, which is to say the kids poured pink paint from one room to the next, then covered it with pieces of paper and glue and glitter while simultaneously getting marker all over their clothes. Good times.

  33. Funny!

    I always have the most optimistic intentions when I sit down and start some kind of fun art project with my older daughter. But by the time I get everything out and get going, her attention span has shifted to something else entirely and I'm left cleaning up all the crap.

    But it sure does sound good.

  34. to go making the effort. i am the kind of mom that fills them out for them and hot glues a sucker on. and whenever i attempt to craft something with them i end up a screaming lunatic. so i am afraid the memory making will make me seem like the witch that i can be when i am outnumbered 6 to 1 and there is glue , stickers ,and paper bits all over. and no one wants to clean up. i bow down at your effort. and you let neighbors come in the house? you are way nicer than me.