Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Weight Not, Want Not

I'm not sure what that title means, but it is sort of catchy, isn't it?

Brian is sick. But, of course - he needs to get sick by today so that he could be sure to infect me before the glorious knitters' weekend that is coming up in a few days. I mean, we wouldn't want to let Mommy get away by herself for the first time in 17 years. (Of course, there was the week I spent 3 years ago in a Cardiac Intensive Care Unit, taking care of my dad - but I really don't think that should count, do you?) So Brian is sitting around with a sore throat and a slight fever and rubbing his boogers on every surface he can think of. Thanks, sweetie.

Today was the day I officially increased my goal weight by 6 pounds. I feel as though I cheated. Because I did. And in order to help all you other dieters out there who would like to be as successful(?) as I am, I have compiled the following list.


Things Weight Watchers never told me


1. If you eat a bagful of baby carrots (zero points!) in a single afternoon, you should really stay near a bathroom.
2. Even if you do reach the same weight that you were before you started having babies, you still won't have that same fetching figure. Not by a long shot.
3. Losing weight does not eliminate the varicose veins. The sagging chin seems to be here to stay, also.
4. The reason they make you a lifetime member once you reach your goal weight? Because you'll be back again. And again. And again.
5. Being good and eating only your allotted daily points leads to hunger pangs at night, which in turn lead to recurrent dreams of eating huge ice cream sundaes and then sobbing because you've ruined your diet. The hunger pangs also result in your waking up to find yourself gnawing at your pillow.

There. Hope that helps. I'm going to stop neglecting my children now. At least, until noon.

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36 comments:

  1. My kid is sick too! I thought it was allergies, but the doctor said no, he's sick. (We had an appointment anyway; I wouldn't have taken him for sniffles.) We went to the playground for an hour, then he slept for an hour on the couch. And I said the same exact thing: You're going to get me sick before I go see the Harlot. I'm going anyway. I'll share my tissues with you.

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  2. When I realized #2 after I had my second child, I was SOOOO sad. It's definitely true. You can SAY you're at your pre-pregnancy weight, but no one will believe you because you don't look it! :)
    I hope you don't catch whatever he h as so you are able to get away!

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  3. Motherscribe made a similarly well-kept-secret discovery about the snack bars the other night.

    But be fair: neither did WW tell you the best way to reach your weight goal is to keep bringing it closer to your actual weigh.

    Hope Brian feels better, and doesn't give it to you!

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  4. If you neglect your kids, you are less likely to get sick. I'm just saying.

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  5. I lost most of my baby weight last spring. (Never fear, it managed to find me again. And brought a few friends to celebrate the occasion.) You're right, I looked like I did before I lost the weight only not quite as wide. The sagging, hanging and flabbing were still going on. As well as the wide hips, bloated stomach, cottage cheese thighs. *sigh* I really hate those people who have supermodel bodies after children.

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  6. I just focus on the fact that without the baby weight I wouldn't have had the babies.

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  7. Well if the military can lower its recruiting quota goals so they can report breaking it every year, you can certainly change yours. Whole new meaning to the Battle of the Bulge granted.
    I'm with Beth~ put the kid in a plastic bubble and slip the tray of food under the door. heh

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  8. Too true about the Pre-baby bod, it will never be the same....oh well, as Jenn said the babies are worth it!
    Thanks for stopping by the new place. God Bless, EJT

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  9. I just joined PHC . . . although I've never been a skinny minnie, I have noticed my weight increasing since I turned 40. Why do our bodies do that? It's a terrible betrayal, but the buck stops here, kiddo!(that's me, talking to myself.)


    God bless, and stay healthy for your weekend getaway!

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  10. You know what I hate? I hate when someone finds out I exercise WITH A TRAINER three times a week (AND exercise on my own two other times) and all they can do is look me up and down and say, "Really?" More than once, I've wanted to respond, "Yeah, I do, and I'll kick your %!@."

    This 40something body can pack a punch. I think.

    Amy

    amycates.blogspot.com

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  11. Oh I hope you stay healthy so you can go away! (I mean that in the nicest way...not that I want you away from me or your blog, but to "get away" like in vacation.)

    And in the case of your ants...I think you're totally in line with your can of Raid. My post the other day was more about the folks to fumigate their entire back yard and garden and whatnot. You gotta do what you gotta do when it comes to ants in your house.

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  12. Walk around with a can of Lysol and periodically spray it around your peronsal space. And even though I weigh what I did before kids, my belly still sticks out. Bummer.

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  13. so what do you do after you've eaten all your points and are STILL hungry?? Go to bed? I would like some insight please!

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  14. Before I had kids, I never understood that your body wouldn't be the same after pregnancy. I seriously thought that all you had to do was lose the weight and then throw that bikini back on.

    Yeah, right.

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  15. You are such an inspiration!
    I have decided to follow your lead, and raise my goal weight. I'm thinking about 5 pounds above what I weigh now sounds good, that way I can tell everyone that I am below my goal weight. And then I don't need to feel guilty about all that cookie dough I ate today.

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  16. I love your lists.

    You can add this one: Losing weight makes your wrinkles more pronounced. There's no layer of fat under your skin to plump them out.

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  17. cheri - Damned if we do, and damned if we don't...

    jill - It's rewarding to know that I inspire people to underachieve.

    mamabird - Bikini? What is this...bikini...of which you speak?

    snappy - Knit. Or go to bed. Or sit around and whine. Fun choices, right? No wonder the Ben and Jerry's looks so appealing every evening.

    amy - Those kids have it in for us.

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  18. I'm so very sad now. *sniff, sniff*

    Thank you for the advanced warning.

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  19. Auuugh, you made me want to give in and go eat those cookies I have in the kitchen.

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  20. Just HAD to tell you that I've gone back and read all of 05 & 06 and skimmed through 07. My children think I'm crazy because I kept bursting out laughing!
    Love the mice stories, but especially the road trips and humid summers. I grew up in Manasquan NJ, which is about half-way up the Jersey shoreline. I HATE Humidity...did I mention that I have curly hair? I love your blog...maybe we can talk "curriculum" sometime?
    Pax, EJT

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  21. Yeah, my chin isn't going anywhere unless there's duct tape involved. It's just another cool genetic gift from my family.

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  22. OH, my. Don't let the yucks get you. You are AWAY to the knitter's circle. That sounds like a fabulous getaway. Of course, you getting away to BlogHer in July would be quite respectable, too.

    Mmmm...interesting thoughts on dieting and carrots. Oh, and I DO remember those nightmares of eating huge amounts of food. That was THE WORST. And even worse when it wasn't a dream...

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  23. I'm a weight watchers drop out three times over. My strategy of using 20 bonus points every day doesn't seem to be working very well. Any tips?f

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  24. I like a catchy title...I am jealous because they come few and far between for me.

    #4...I have a lifelong membership to Jenny Craig, and it is true- I seem to go back again and again.

    I hate being older. I hate not being able to eat whatever I want. It's not fair.

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  25. That is the most practical weightloss advice I have ever heard. SO TRUE!

    KEEP BELIEVING

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  26. "I feel as though I cheated because I did" made me laugh out loud!

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  27. No 2 is SO true!

    Don't miss your weekend - you NEED and deserve it!

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  28. I hear ya! Since I've stopped going to WW a couple of months ago at least 10 lbs. of the almost 20 that I lost has come back and I'm sure, if I work hard at it, I can get those last 8 to 10 back.

    Sigh.

    Should I go back to WW? I know it's a great program but why does the fact that I'm paying money to make me motivated? Maybe if I paid money for some skinnier clothes, that would work just as well????

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  29. run around the house following Brian with Lysole (sp) spraying everything so you dont get it. You need/deserve to get out once every 17 years. If you miss this one, its not coming around again for 17 years. hehe

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  30. The title was super catchy!

    Please add that the extra skin created by the stretching of pregnancy can never be unstretched even after millions of crunches. crap.

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  31. I;m sorry Brian is sick! I hope you get to go to your weekend. I am amazed you haven't had a break in SEVENTEEN years! I cannot imagine.

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  32. Varicose veins...thought I was too young to have them until this afternoon, when I saw something blue and NASTY on my leg. Ugh.

    Heidi

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  33. What Beth said! (Plus, it'll give you practice for the weekend!)

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  34. Nothing worse than going to be with hunger pangs. That's when I just think it's not worth it. You know how some people say, "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels?" Not true. Chocolate does.

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  35. Love #1 there. And the rest are so true too. If you lose too much weight, you get saggy elephant skin where the fat once filled it out.

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