Brian is sick. But, of course - he needs to get sick by today so that he could be sure to infect me before the glorious knitters' weekend that is coming up in a few days. I mean, we wouldn't want to let Mommy get away by herself for the first time in 17 years. (Of course, there was the week I spent 3 years ago in a Cardiac Intensive Care Unit, taking care of my dad - but I really don't think that should count, do you?) So Brian is sitting around with a sore throat and a slight fever and rubbing his boogers on every surface he can think of. Thanks, sweetie.
Today was the day I officially increased my goal weight by 6 pounds. I feel as though I cheated. Because I did. And in order to help all you other dieters out there who would like to be as successful(?) as I am, I have compiled the following list.
Things Weight Watchers never told me
1. If you eat a bagful of baby carrots (zero points!) in a single afternoon, you should really stay near a bathroom.
2. Even if you do reach the same weight that you were before you started having babies, you still won't have that same fetching figure. Not by a long shot.
3. Losing weight does not eliminate the varicose veins. The sagging chin seems to be here to stay, also.
4. The reason they make you a lifetime member once you reach your goal weight? Because you'll be back again. And again. And again.
5. Being good and eating only your allotted daily points leads to hunger pangs at night, which in turn lead to recurrent dreams of eating huge ice cream sundaes and then sobbing because you've ruined your diet. The hunger pangs also result in your waking up to find yourself gnawing at your pillow.
There. Hope that helps. I'm going to stop neglecting my children now. At least, until noon.
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