Sunday, November 02, 2008

Brought To You By The Color Brown...

Sigh. It's almost Election Day, and I'm already feeling let down. What will I do for excitement once it's all over? How can I bond with my teens without funny SNL campaign skits to watch? And how will I be able to push people's buttons without being able to say something like, "I'm voting for the babykilling socialist?"

Dark days ahead, people. Dark, dark days, I tell you. Thank goodness I've got a sizeable stash of Snickers to see me through.

Auntie Kate is still here. She's having a good time, though I can tell she is thanking her lucky stars that she never had children. My having to retrieve the toilet-paper spindle from a poop-filled potty this evening certainly didn't help.

Does this sort of thing happen to anyone else?

The results from my trick-or-treat survey yesterday are inconclusive. I need more responses. What's wrong with you all, anyway? Have you no interest in the sociological implications of a decline in trick-or-treating? Do we really want to live through a cocoa futures crash of inestimable dimensions? The ensuing chaos would make the Crash of '08 look insignificant by comparison (well, to me, anyway).

Let's keep our priorities straight in these turbulent times with an easy-to-remember slogan:


Chocolate First

See how clever I was? I made the slogan brown, like chocolate. Or like the water in your toilet, really, while you are swishing poop around in a gag-inducing attempt to find a lost toilet-paper spindle...


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17 comments:

  1. I can't believe you are already feeling let down. I'm still too nervous about the election to worry about my post election letdown. Although I'm sure it's coming...

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  2. Well thanks for nothing, that was not the image I wanted to read about right as I was about to go to bed. I was not home to know how many trick or treaters came, so I can not participate in your survey, sorry. And why are you complaining anyway, less trick or treaters = more candy for you, right?

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  3. You go girl!!!
    Chocolate first!
    and the babykiller socialist right behind :)

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  4. Amazing color-coding skills--congrats! I'll have to go check out the survey. I do want you to have the widest berth of statistical information available to arrive at your scientific conclusions...

    I'm a little stunned that you didn't give Aunt Kate the honor of TP fishing---at my house, there are bonus points if you have to fish something out of a brown potty--and we're trying to teach the kids that it is polite to always allow guests to go first---

    Blessings!

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  5. You're getting really, really computer savvy...color-coding, surveys...what next?

    How about a guest post from Auntie Kate?

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  6. I'm actually looking forward to it all being over! I'm tired of all the negative ads and junk mail telling me who I should vote for. I'm just hoping it goes the way I'm voting(for that baby killer of course)

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  7. a spindle eh? i've always called it a "thingie." i'm going to call it a spindle now and tell my kids sleeping beauty fell into a deep sleep while trying to change out the toilet paper.

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  8. Not the spindle, but more wet wipes than I can count. See, whether I'm using cloth or disposable (I've used both), I ALWAYS dump the poop into the toilet, and more times than I can count, I've accidentally dropped a wet wipe in there, too. We have a septic system; no flushing wet wipes. Man, do I hate fishing out wet wipes from the toilet.

    I get to tell political callers I already voted (absentee ballot due to surgery & new baby). One had the nerve to ask me who I voted for. I told him I didn't think he was allowed to ask me that. Is he?

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  9. Brown, except when it is poop, is a great color. I am definitely leaning toward brown myself, and intend to celebrate that on the 5th! My prediction? America has had enough and it will be a landslide. I mean when I see so many Obama signs in Utah, it has got to mean something, right?

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  10. I've fished many a toy out of said poopy toilet water. And I don't miss it AT ALL.

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  11. Can't you just flush it and hope it doesn't go down? And if it does, they are cheap, cheap to replace. wow, is this what I have to look forward to? Both of mine are still in diapers.
    ~Becky

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  12. I vote for chocolate!!
    And, I already voted. Hooray for absentee ballots! (One person I refused to vote for simply because she -or her campaign, but it has HER name on it- has been spamming my e-mail inbox. No invite to e-mail me = spam = no consideration for the vote!)

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  13. Anonymous - Your innocence is charming. But maybe you had better read some of the posts in my sidebar (specifically, "More Toilet Tales") to understand how expensive trying to flush an object down the potty can get. There was no way I was going to pull that handle.

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  14. Gross! My worst potty moment? When I told SOMEONE they were big enough to wipe their own bottom, but really, they weren't. I ended up with an entire ROLL of toilet paper, backing up the toilet, with poo water (Did I mention it was *ahem* runny?) running onto the floor. I had to fish all the paper, soggy as it was, from the toilet, then plunge and repeat before it would all go down. *gag*.

    I'll wipe bottoms until they leave home to avoid that all over again!

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  15. I don't want to let you down so I will tell you how many trick-or-treaters we had this year - one. And it was steady on last year's number, which was also - one. Come to think of it, I think we've had one trick-or-treater every year since we moved here. I wonder if it was the same one each time?

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  16. LOL! We had the toilet paper roll in the poopy toilet happen a few days ago too...must be a common occurance when we have lots of kids. ;)

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