Friday, November 07, 2008

Four Things To Say

This article I plan to file under the category of "No kidding! Really?!" Here's the headline:

Bullies May Get Kick Out Of Seeing Others In Pain

Imagine - bullies torment other kids because they like to do that sort of thing. Who knew?

Not the researchers, that's for sure. I can only draw one conclusion from this: we send our kids to college to get stupid. Because I'm sure there is not one kid alive in any grade K-12 who is in the dark on this matter.

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A surprising number of people are, um, airing their dirty laundry in yesterday's comments. And my friend, in an attempt to salvage her housekeeping reputation, told me today that the reason her son didn't have any clean clothes yesterday was because they all had cat pee on them.

Oh. Okay, then. That explains it.

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Sorry to disappoint everyone, but we currently have no mice and no vomit. No vomiting mice, either. We do, however, have a long-standing problem with a vomiting shower drain. Is that good enough? For some reason, our kitchen disposal's pipe at some point joins up with the basement shower's pipe; and the basement shower's pipe never seems to like what we had for dinner. To fix the problem would require major plumbing surgery, which we can't afford at this point.

After cleaning up the regurgitated mess that was left in the shower pan yesterday, however, I am considering selling one of the children in order to raise the funds. I just have to decide which one would bring in the most money.

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And, speaking of money, how about that economy, huh? Can I give everyone one teeny bit of advice? Stop looking at your 401K statements. It isn't going to help, and it's too late to do anything about it. Just hang on for the ride.

Unless, of course, you are over 60. In that case, my advice is to get really, really worried.


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17 comments:

  1. This post has the sound of a stand-up comic routine. Y'know, that might bring in more money than any of your kids. Think about it!

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  2. I have a high school diploma, and a degree in hard knocks with a double minor in common sense and household management. I can probably run somebody's small office better with my common sense and practical knowledge than some of the college educated applicants. I am pretty certain that my working vocabulary is on par.

    I was teased mercilessly as a kid, but was instilled with a sense of humor (in case no one already noticed). Some of the stuff those kids said really was funny to me. Eventually they deigned me too strange to taunt and left me alone. But it was torturous at times till then.

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  3. 1. WTF?

    2. Gotta go check out yesterday's comments. I behind and reading in reverse chron order. FYI.

    3. No vomiting mice? False advertising on the masthead. Not nice.

    4. I just told my husband to stop looking last night. (That sounded dirty, heh.)

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  4. One of the first pieces of advice our financial adviser gave me was not to look at the statements, and that was years ago. (I used to babysit his kids way back when. I brought him into the marriage; he's better than a dowry.) I'm still not looking at the statements, and I don't want to know. We have YEARS to go until retirement. College, too, luckily. Although it's probably going to be one or the other, not both...

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  5. We still have vomit here. Just when we thought he was getting better................

    Instead of selling a child, why not rent with the option to buy, that way you can charge a huge amount of interest.

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  6. I caught onto to the not looking thing and the motivation of bullies thing some time ago.

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  7. I'm really surprised that the researchers were surprised; this may be stereotyping but I would think the researchers would the the type of kids to be bullied and thereby have some experience in the matter.

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  8. I might be willing to pull some money out of the ole 401k to purchase a girl child. At least enough to fix a plumbing issue.

    Are your children cute and smart? Oh, hell. If they're potty trained and will sleep through the night, I'll take one.

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  9. I sat on the floor and cried when we recieved our statement in the mail!

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  10. I'd say sell off the three year old. You said she was cute as a button and the others are now in their teen years and the last thing anyone will pay for is a person with an attitude problem. LOL

    Let me know what you decide.

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  11. Hey! Count me in as in line for a girl! :) We have 2 boys and one girl (almost age 12) now. Another girl would round things off nicely. :)

    Wow! I bet you didn't think you would get so many offers!

    :)

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  12. Selling off a child . . .Now that is not a bad idea.

    Also, we used to have a a drain in the basement that spewed, um, sewer stuff. It wasn't plumbed correctly, either.

    I would have sold a kidney to have it fixed!

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  13. My mom has now mooved her 401k. She keeps nagging about my hubby's
    I just keep remending her he doesn't retire for 30 years. He will be 68 when he is able to retire. Needless to say I think the market will have bounced back by then.

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  14. Sell all but the littlest one since she's the farhtest away from being a teenager. And tell all potential buyer that the mice are free and the vomit is half-price.

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  15. That totally makes me think about that essay "A Modest Proposal." About time someone brought that up.

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  16. Your blog is the only exercise my poor stomach muscles are getting today.

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  17. Vomiting mice! I don't know why but that line makes me laugh every time I think about it.

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