Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Appliance Poetry Slam! Right Here!

Thank you to all who participated in our appliance poetry slam. It was fun and inspiring to read all the entries. Please, please vote (poll on left somewhere) (unless, that is, it is on the right) (I mix them up a lot). If hardly anyone votes, I'll feel sort of embarrassed, like I threw a party and no one showed up. Not that that's ever happened to me, or anything...

Of course, it was Cheri at Blog This Mom who started us off with her comment on the death of my dishwasher:

Any KitchenAid death diminishes me, because my dishes are in this model too,
and therefore never send to know for whom the repairman tolls;
it tolls for thee.

My apologies to John Donne.

Thus inspired, several other regular readers chimed in with their contributions:

Green Girl in Wisconsin rhapsodized -

Oh Amana, shall I compare thee to a week without children?
Thou art so soft, so quiet, so clean.
Your lovely chime when the load is done,
Is as refreshing as the morn's sun.
The sleek, smooth steel of your spinning core,
Always leaves me wanting more.

kcinnova sent in this "Ode to a Microwave," with apologies to ee cummings:

electric emotion
the sound of 3 long beeps
or is it 3 short beeps
or 2 shorts and a long?
matters not
only that my water heats
and then
the teabag slides

From Hairline Fracture, a pithy bit of Shakespeare:

"Alas, poor KitchenAid! I knew him, Horatio."

From Mom On The Verge, 2 verses of appliance haiku:

I scrape my child's food
Into the Disposall drain.
Cooking wastes my time.

My Disposall died.
I don't know what to do with
My toddler's dinner.

She also composed this little ditty (it would make a good jumprope jingle) (I mean, if anyone jumps rope anymore):

My microwave defrosts the food;
My oven cooks it up.
The garbage disposal eats the food,
And the dishwasher cleans the cup.

From The Hotfessional, an impassioned ode to her air conditioner, with help from Joyce Kilmer:

I think that I shall never see,
A thing as lovely as A/C,

A/C whose cooling air is prest
Against my sweaty, heaving br3ast.

A/C that runs the entire day,
And causes me to thankfully pray;

A/C that keeps my family cool,
during this summer heat so cruel;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make A/C.

Jenn at Juggling Life has composed the following little gem, with apologies to William Carlos Williams:

So much depends

the insta-hot water

ruby red rooibos

in my mug

SubWife was inspired by Robert Burns (and Best Buy):

My heart is in Best Buy, my heart is not here
My heart is in Best Buy, a-chasing dishwasher
A-chasing dishwasher and ogling new fridge
My heart is in Best Buy whenever I dream.

Again, thank you all for participating. It's good to know that I am not the only blogger inspired to poetic meter by my electronic house servants.

The poll! Don't forget the poll!


  1. I tried to vote but I am not sure it worked! they were all brilliant BTW! Great idea!

  2. I may have voted 4 times on accident. Sorry! they were all briliant!

  3. I voted (just once)! I agree with Bonnie, they really were all brilliant!

  4. AnonymousJuly 02, 2009

    I couldn't, in good conscience, vote for myself so I voted for the one that made me smile the most.
    Of course, I love all of them!

  5. I voted for the leader--though I didn't know that when I voted.

  6. I'm not a cheaty pants, so I voted once. But laughed more than twice.

  7. AnonymousJuly 02, 2009

    Dang this is a talented group--I think you should take this Appliance Poetry Slam on the road, SC!

  8. You're all winners! I may have to haiku now.

  9. These are great. What a sick, talented bunch!

  10. They're all great! And all very different.

    What's next SC? How about your refrigerator cleanouts?

  11. You are so funny! Love the new look...

  12. Dang - no honorable mentions for my Poe? *pouty face* ;)

  13. of course the hottest chick waxed lyrical about airconditioning...

    Ree is totally my blog crush

  14. I voted. I spent hours searching the page for the poll thingee, then finally realized it was that black box that I couldn't seem to see.

    Next time? Remedial voting instructions, please? Or a big, blinking arrow. Or maybe I'll just get my head out of my backside and try to pay more attention.

  15. This has gotten WAY out of control, and I love it. How did I not realize that this was being turned into a whole contest? I'm slow, I guess.

    If I were to write a poem that slammed appliances, it would be something about all the beeps and the buzzes and the dings that so impatiently remind me that TIME IT UP!!! OK already!!! I hear you!!! Geez!!!

    Especially the damn dryer buzzer. God I hate that thing.

  16. Wow, this is a genius idea; I will be pilfering it for my poetry class next year!

    Today I might have to vote a few times, it's too hard to choose just one.

    P.S. So sorry about your dishwasher - I hope its death yields as many good things as ours did [new appliance, countertops, cupboard & flooring from insurance]...

  17. I wanted to vote 4 times, but it just wouldn't let me. Unfair, unfair.

  18. I vote for Green Girl in Wisconsin!

  19. Green Girl has me...on many levels.

  20. Fantastic. I can only hope to reach such genius.

  21. Oh dear, have I missed my chance? There's something truly poetic about an automatic coffe-grinder/brewer that goes rogue.

  22. I have no poem at my fingertips but need to nod to the power of the creative impulse. Appliance poetry slam, indeed!

    hope you feel better . . . .

  23. Chortle! Appliance poetry slam! You win the Creative Impulse Award my dear. . . hope you feel better!