Sunday, March 16, 2014

Just Call Me Czarina

Divorce lawyers love these.
Anyone who has read this blog for any length of time KNOWS that Larry and I do not work well together. We cannot shop for furniture together. We can rarely choose paint colors together. Home renovation projects? Don't even think about it. Over the years, we have developed a divide-and-conquer system to preserve marital peace. He does his thing, I do mine, and we rarely collaborate.

Hey, it works, okay?

So, when Larry started the boys in Scouting, I had no problem with it. A father-led activity, complete with monthly camping trips that left me home in relative peace and quiet? A yearly fundraising activity that did the same? Fine with me!

And then, my fatal misstep - I took over Hospitality for the troop, which job includes running the food tent for our annual Mulch Delivery Days. Still, there was a method to my madness - I figured that, so long as I had a major role in this fundraiser, no one could pressure Larry into taking charge of the time-consuming logistics of the whole mulch extravaganza - you know, the advertising, the processing of orders, the procurement of heavy equipment.  So long as I harangued people to show up with food and to staff the tent, I could prevent having our lives consumed by what had initially appeared to be a harmless way for our troop to raise some money.

Apparently, I neglected to share this theory with Larry.

Yup, he's running the mulch fundraiser this year.  Have I ever mentioned our problem with communication? Because, you see, he NEVER TOLD ME he had volunteered to be the Mulch Czar.  NOT ONCE did he mention it. Instead, I found out from another troop mom a month or so ago, who gave me a very strange look when she realized I had no idea that my spouse and I had become Mr. And Mrs. Mulch 2014.  NO IDEA.

Mulch delivery is this coming weekend. Considering that Larry had to almost physically restrain me from throttling last year's Mulch Czar when he stole one of my food tent ladies to be a driver instead, I am guessing  that our fellow troop parents will have reason to rethink the wisdom of allowing a married couple to run this fundraiser together.  And, just as payback, I plan to have the food tent ladies dress in uniform this time.

Just the outfit for our menopausal bodies

If my marriage is going to suffer, EVERYONE is going to suffer.

[Paint chips image: My Quilt Place]
[Destiny's Child image: Punching Kitty]


  1. Sounds like us on a much smaller scale. My husband failed to mention to me that he signed me up to bring plates and cups for the Blue and Gold Banquet. Luckily I heard the news from another mother.

  2. That must be a regional thing, for boy scouts to sell mulch. One of our local troops sell Christmas trees. One of the local farmers has an arrangement with the boy scout troops.

    1. We've done both, and mulch is way easier. It has gotten really popular over the past few years, though, so there is a lot of competition.

  3. Mulch? What a weird fundraiser, although I suppose no weirder than anything else. Worst one I had to do as a kid was grapefruit. Why an orchestra would sell grapefruit I couldn't tell you, but delivering grates of grapefruit wasn't fun.

  4. In our area there are multiple scout troops, and they all sell mulch. As do the high school sports teams. I don't know how they all sell enough to make it worth all the trouble (and it is trouble... I was fundraising chair of a scout troop for a few years and have the wrinkles and gray hair and xanax prescription to show for it).

  5. so glad we don't do boy scouts...

  6. He was barking mad to volunteer for this! It will shred your relationship. It's just spreading you both too thin. Or layering too much. And now? NOW I am out of mulch references in your comment box.

  7. Oh man that does NOT sound like fun.

  8. Every time my dh suggests he is on track to become the Scoutmaster for our troop, I look at him as if he grew 3 more eyes and orange spots... or was wearing his uniform shirt like those girls in your picture.
    No mulch sales here, so I'm thinking it's a mid-Atlantic specialty. Our youth group competed with the scouts when we lived in NoVA. Out here in the PacNW it's all about rest stop fundraisers: if you don't mind spending your entire weekend at a cold and windy rest stop, dispensing coffee and baked goods that took you through a marathon week in the kitchen, it's a pretty good fundraiser. I think we cleared $1100 in straight donations.

  9. Mulch Czar? Hahahahaha! Can't wait to hear how it goes.

  10. How I haven't stumbled upon your blog before now is beyond me. Entertaining! You've been added to my reading list. :)