Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Baby, You're As Cold As Ice

I know, I know, this recent cold snap has been disturbing for everyone, but don't worry - I've fixed it.  You see, an entire month ago our gas fireplaces both went out, simultaneously.  Larry and I, with our laser-sharp rocket scientist brains, determined that it was not just a cosmic coincidence and that we needed to call a repairman.  And even if we hadn't figured that out, well, our incompetence at lighting pilot lights would have made a repair call necessary, anyway, right?

You don't know what you've got til it's gone
So! All this occurred in the middle of Mulch Madness and the water heater breakdown and, let's face it, it was mid-March, so we felt no real urgency to fix the things.  I mean, it gets WARM around here in mid-March.  In the end, Larry said he would look for the repair guy's number but never did.

Our fireplaces remained cold and dead.

And it snowed.  A freak snowstorm in mid-March.  Who knew?  And we sat there and said to each other, "Gee, it sure would have been nice to have these fireplaces working," and Larry said, "I'll find the guy's number," and then he didn't, because now it was PAST mid-March and who the heck gets 2 snowstorms in late March, anyway?

WE did.  It snowed AGAIN.  And I said, "I sure would like that guy's number," and Larry said, "I'll look for it tonight," and he never did, but I didn't care much, because it was ALMOST APRIL, for heaven's sake, and there would be no more cold to suffer through until next fall.

Only, there WAS more cold, and after a while I got snippy and Larry found the damn number (and, yes, I know, we have a wonderful marriage, but hey, it works) and WE CALLED THE REPAIRMAN, who said he couldn't be there until the next week.  So we made an appointment for today and said to each other, "Like it matters now, how long he takes, it's WARM now."

And it rained ICE last night, after dropping 20 degrees in 3 hours, and there was a frost warning in effect and we huddled in our cold basement next to our non-working fireplace, watching TV while wrapped in wool blankets, and we said, "Gee, it sure would have been nice if we had fixed these things a month ago."

So, yeah, the unprecedented cold and all those spring snowstorms?  They were our fault.  We challenged the weather gods, and they called our bluff. I'm sorry.

30s in every Continental U.S. state this morning 
Really, REALLY sorry.

The end.

[Fireplace image:]
[Weather map image: Facebook/Weather Matrix]


  1. Hopefully your repairman will be able to fix both fireplaces without having to order parts, because if its any indication from what we've been having, you will be getting more cold soon. (Not to rain/snow on your parade)

    1. All fixed! It was a clogged vent on the gas line outside.

  2. That definitely explains a lot. Do not ever challenge the weather gods.

  3. Clearly I need to send the cats to complain to *you*. If you get a box in the mail that meows incessantly, you have no one to blame but yourself.

  4. We got 11 inches of snow yesterday (4/16/14), now I know why! Hopefully your fireplaces will soon be repaired.

  5. This prolonged hell of a winter is YOUR fault?
    I should've known...sheesh.

  6. haha

    See that orange spot on the left of the map? That's us ;)

  7. I'm thinking you don't want word of this to get out!