Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Birthday Prep

Tomorrow? I turn 54 (which someone pointed out to me is a deck of cards and 2 jokers, and I'm not really sure what that implies, but let's pretend it's somehow meaningful); so I've been busy (this being my birthday week) making sure that tomorrow is a day of unalloyed joy. And by unalloyed joy, I mean that maybe I will get to go to the mall by myself and try on shirts and maybe even find some that fit properly over my matronly bust and waistless middle.

I don't ask for much, people. I really don't.

Meanwhile, Larry can't seem to understand that when he orders gifts from Amazon, the email announcing the purchase AND the email announcing their shipment both go directly to me. So, for the record, it's looking as though he didn't learn much from the bagel slicer incident last year. It's sort of cute, actually, in a clueless sort of way.

You really have to read about the bagel slicer, if you haven't already. It's classic Larry.

So, yeah, busy - I cooked all morning today so I won't have to touch anything in the kitchen tomorrow. Tonight I will scrub the bathrooms, so I don't have to hate myself when I use them tomorrow. In fact, I've been so busy pretending I don't have to do any housework for my birthday, I forgot - until a few minutes ago - to check how my front hall closet was doing.

As you can see there to the right (or left, I can't tell), not too bad. Oh, yeah, there were 3 pairs of sandals thrown on the floor (because, again, those shoe holders are SO DIFFICULT to use); and the outdoor toys on the bottom are all askew. But it took me only 30 seconds to put everything to rights.

It absolutely kills me I didn't figure out this system until now. I mean, it seems pretty darn obvious in retrospect, doesn't it? Who knew that hanging shoe holders (which I had sitting up in my bedroom doing nothing since our bedroom closet remodel) and a bit of vigilance were all that was needed to make my front closet actually useful again?

My magnum opus, apparently

You know, 30 years ago, when I was a youthful 20-something with my entire life in front of me? I would have assumed that I would have something more meaningful to write about than closet maintenance by the time I turned 54. Come to think of it, 30 years ago,  I probably assumed I'd be almost dead by now. Oh, not because I planned a profligate life or anything; no, it was because I thought people in their mid-50s were incredibly old.

Case in point: my parents' longtime neighbors (who were exactly 30 years older than myself) remodeled their kitchen when I was 24. I remember wondering at the time why the heck they were even bothering, since they obviously had one foot in the grave already.

They're both still enjoying that remodeled kitchen, of course. I always ask for a nice dish of crow whenever I visit.


  1. baahahaha so true. Scott's parents were early 60's when I met him and we just thought they were going to keel over any day (his mom is still here 24 years later and his dad JUST passed away).

  2. When I was young the teacher asked us to imagine what our lives would be like in the year 2000. I remember thinking, I'd be an old woman at 32! Happy early birthday.

  3. I like how you prepare for your birthday, like the Christians of staunch piety prepared for the Sabbath -- not that I've done more than read about it. Does this mean you are completely ready for your birthday? I hope so! Happy birthday!

  4. Probably your birthday already now where you live, so I hope it is already happy! My husband does the same thing with Amazon for my birthday, Christmas, etc. poor thing.

  5. Happy Birthday! And I heart your closet.

    A few years ago I bought a piece of furniture, and my husband told me that we should be getting rid of things, not buying new things. "Am I dying?" I asked. Geeze...

  6. Happy Birthday!! I, too, remember thinking 50 was SOOOO OLD...and now here we are...

  7. Happy birthday!!!

  8. Happy birthday! It is funny how 'old' becomes relative the older we get.

    I wish coach would use amazon. I think I'd handle his 'gifts' better if I got an email warning. The man once got me a potato peeler for Xmas because it had a cushiony handle. We are Irish and I peel lots of potatoes, but COME ON!

    Glad your day went so well. I typically try to keep my expectations low when it comes to my birthday m. It's just way to easy for that one day to run a-muck.