In Which I Pretend To Be A Recipe Blogger

Because I am a parent, I have learned that there is a series of children's books set in a fictional New-Englandish place called Cranberryport. 

I do hope you didn't think the second half of that sentence was going to be profound.  You're reading the wrong blog for that.

Anyway, the titles are Cranberry Valentine, Cranberry Birthday, etc., and each book has a cranberry recipe on the last page.  One of those books (I no longer remember which) contains the recipe for the birthday cake we make for Larry every year, if only for the reason that he grew up next to a cranberry bog.  As stated in a prior post, we have no idea whether or not Larry actually likes this cake; it may be that he loathes it but is keeping mum in order not to ruin our hallowed birthday traditions.

The moral of this being...speak up right away if you don't like something, lest you be saddled with it for the rest of your life.

Unfortunately, I look nothing like this.

 So!  Although I am most emphatically not the Pioneer Woman (cooking-wise or photography-wise),  I am giving the recipe here (because you asked for it, people!).

Wait, I have to find it.  It's scribbled on an index card, as we discovered this cake way before I was computer-savvy (relatively speaking, of course).  Be right back.

Okay!  Got it!  And it's only 4 steps (5, if you count preheating the oven).  I'm putting all the ingredients in bold face, because I'm clever like that.

Cranberry Upside-Down Cake

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Slice and place 1/4 lb (one stick) (half a tub) butter or margarine in the bottom of a 13x9 pan (sometimes I just use canola oil, because I'm lazy)

Sprinkle 1 cup of walnut halves over the margarine/butter/oil.

Mix 2 cups sugar, 1 cup brown sugar, and 2 bags of cranberries and spread it over the walnut layer.

Prepare 1 box yellow cake mix and pour it over everything in the pan.  Bake 40-50 minutes.

Whipped cream optional, but why not?

 Really, that's it.  But here's the most important part - do you see the name of the cake?  The "upside-down" part of it?  Well, I didn't.  In fact, it took me years to understand that I needed to flip the cake onto a plate when it came out of the oven. It looks much more attractive that way.  Also?  It's way easier to stick the candles in it.




[Cranberry Valentine image: Open Library]
[Pioneer Woman photo: Woman's  Day] 
[Cranberry cake image: My Recipes]

Cake! Gifts! Balloons!

It's Larry's birthday today, and we're currently in the midst of baking the fabled cranberry upside-down cake.  That link represents my brief foray into the world of recipe blogging, in case you too want to try making a cake that will give you a 3-day-long sugar rush. 

But, hey, it has cranberries!  And walnuts!  It's healthy!

This WON'T be Larry's present this year.

Larry is actually getting an awesome present this year, courtesy of my BlogHer earnings and my Dad's generosity -- as opposed to last year, say, when the kids and I picked out a shredder for him at Office Depot.  In our defense, I do think that he really liked that shredder.  And it's very useful.

This year is different.  In fact, I actually covet Larry's present, which is an IPod Touch (the 4G's just came down in price, people - and now there is a 16GB version that is less than the 8GB used to be!).  I think, in fact, that it will be sort of wasted on him.  This opinion is based on the fact that, every time Larry attempts to use his not-smart phone, he stares at it as though he were a wild primate who had just come across this strange device in the middle of the jungle.  He all but scratches his head and makes chimpanzee sounds as he attempts to retrieve a text message.

Yes, I'm making fun of my spouse on his birthday.  But he IS getting a cool gift to make up for it.  AND balloons.  How much better can it get?

[shredder image: amazon.com]

Make Cakes, Not Faucets

Mummy McTavish sent me a picture of a homemade faucet from "There, I Fixed It" - a blog that is frequented by dyed-in-the-wool DIY'ers (judging from the comments). She claims that this contraption could have fixed all my plumbing problems quite cheaply. I mean, if Depression-era farmhouse decor were my thing...

Larry found the photograph intriguing, but not intriguing enough to rid him of his plumbing-induced PTSD.

Now I need to go bake his cake. Every year we make him a cranberry-upside-down cake for his birthday. We found the recipe years ago in a book called Cranberry Valentine, and the rest is history. I have no idea whether Larry actually likes the cake or whether he is simply loath to buck tradition. I'm just glad to be making a cake that requires neither creativity nor frosting.

Now With A Soundtrack!

So, due to a disconcerting comment on the last post (thanks, Kayla!), I decided it would be wise to change my blog template. I like this new one, but I HATE the sidebar being on the left. I keep trying to get used to it, but I can't. What do you think? Am I the only one who cares? Probably. I mean, most of you are probably reading this on your phones and never even see the sidebar anyway, right?

Wasting time on very trivial matters since at least 2007 - that's me!

Larry came home Saturday, which meant I had to hurry up and finish my project of cleaning out our bedroom of all the junk that has piled up there. Turns out you can be married to someone for a very long time (26 years, say) before you realize they are completely incapable of throwing out old papers and checkbooks. I'm not saying there was too much stuff to take care of, but I did manage to overheat our shredder. Several times.

Oozing cranberries give it a
sort of crime scene vibe,
don't you think?

I made spaghetti and (Costco) meatballs for dinner the evening Larry came home, along with our traditional cranberry upside-down cake for his belated birthday celebration (and no, I'm still not entirely sure he even likes it). As we were all sitting at the table, enjoying our food and conversation, I noticed something.

"Hey," I asked my recently returned beloved, "have you ALWAYS cut up your spaghetti like that?"

Larry looked startled. "Um, yes...no...sometimes?" he said. "I hadn't really thought about it. I guess so?"

26 years, people - and I had no idea. I'm sure we will find a way to hold our marriage together despite our pasta-eating differences, but this discovery was a shock, I'll tell you that. Strangers, that's what we are - utter strangers.

Anywhoo, he SAYS he likes the new slipcovers. I'll never really know, because we've already paid for them and used them, so Larry would never let on if he didn't like them. Sort of like the cake, you know? I'm seeing a pattern here.

And, yes, opposites DO attract. I, for one, never hesitate to give my opinion on something.

In case you were wondering just what
5 lbs of potato chips looks like

In other news, I bought over 5 lbs of potato chips today, because I have absolutely no self-control whatsoever. In my defense, however, be it known that the potato chip factory was selling 3 lbs of the BBQ variety for the price of only 24 oz. Who in their right mind would pass up a deal like that, I ask you?

Not me, apparently.

I had been meaning to visit this potato chip factory for a while. Larry and I last dropped by with the kids several years ago, and at that point they mentioned they were moving further south to a new, larger plant. We agreed that that would be something to see and put it on our mental list of Things To Do Some Day Soon. So today I said to the girl behind the counter, "The last time I visited, it was at the old place, right before you moved. When was that? 5, 6 years ago?"

"When we moved?" she asked. "Oh, that was 2008."

9 years, people. NINE YEARS.

Moral of the story: Someday never comes...or, at best, it takes almost a decade.

Odds and Ends

I have seen the light! I cleaned my oven with that self-cleaning mechanism thingie, and it worked! I wish I had tried that years ago. Actually, I think I did try it years ago, and something caught fire. But this time I managed not to burn the house down, and I didn't have to die a thousand deaths of embarrassment when the Pampered Chef consultant (salesperson, Larry insists on correcting me - he likes to call a spade a spade) opened my oven door to put in the pineapple upside-down cake.

Yesterday evening I held a Pampered Chef fundraiser at my house for a family with a sick baby. (See? Sometimes I do think about someone other than my own sorry self.) My friends and I all sat around my floorless kitchen and looked at fun new cooking gadgets (Suds Pump! Handy Chopper! Nesting Mixing Bowls!), while my husband sat in the living room clutching my credit card and wouldn't let it go. Thanks, honey. I would like to point out here that I've been using a butcher knife for the past year which has a broken handle. Larry claims he can find me a really inexpensive one after Christmas. I proved myself to be extremely forbearing and mature by not bringing up his recent Home Depot purchase.

This morning all the kids had a dentist appointment. At 8:30. And we made it. Thank you, I am amazing. As I've mentioned before, somewhere, we have the most efficient pediatric dentist in the world. Dental cleanings for 5 kids, x-rays for 2, sealants for one, check-ups for all, and we were still out of there in under an hour. All that, and balloons, too. I never get a balloon from my dentist.

Motherwise, a very nice person whose blog posts reassure me that I may just live to like my teenage daughter again, has invited me to tell everyone 8 interesting things about myself.

1. I am very short. As in, people will say to me, "Wow - you're short." Perfect strangers.

2. I didn't like children at all before I had my own. I regarded them as an expensive hobby taken up by people who had nothing better to do with their time than to talk about poop and to wipe gross runny noses.

3. Bugs disgust me. Our house is overrun by centipedes and the sight of one makes me want to puke. Some of them are so large that they could be mistaken for a small mouse, if seen out of the corner of one's eye. And when you step on them, their legs keep wiggling. Excuse me, I have to go throw up.

4. Okay, I'm back. I used to be intelligent. Now I am the stupidest person on the face of the earth. Just ask my teenage daughter.

5. I have no ambition. I have no idea how I ever would have earned a living if I hadn't married and had kids. Career goal: kept woman.

6. I wish I had started having kids earlier in my life than age 28, so that I could have a dozen. You have 4, or 5, or 6 kids, and perfect strangers are still making those stupid jokes: "Don'cha have a TV?" "They know what causes that now!" "You're a real pioneer woman!" But go ahead and have 12 kids, and people are stunned into silence. Which would be just fine with me.

7. My 2-year-old got poop on my coat sleeve today (don't ask). This incident further convinced Anna (my 14-year-old) that she never, ever wants to be like me.

8. I like to stick my head in the sand. I have 5 adults and 12 kids coming over in about an hour, and I'm sitting here blogging, rather than attending to the mess which is my house. Bad idea.

Day 15, and I'm still in it! Go, NaBloPoMo!

Cranberry Sunday

I wrenched my back today by doing...well...nothing.  One minute I was fine, the next I was trying not to scream.  I went to work anyway, as it wasn't absolutely the worst pain ever - I mean, so long as I didn't try to buckle my seat belt, say, or turn a steering wheel, or breathe.  And then I realized (while sitting in Starbucks and attempting to recover from lifting my laptop onto the table) that my work website was down.

Mine's not a circle, though...

Hmmmph.  So I drove (slowly) home and baked Larry's cranberry-upside-down birthday cake instead, because I'm a good wife like that, despite my apparent physical infirmities.  I hope he appreciates that I didn't simply take to my bed instead.  And after that?  I made pizza dough, so David would make us pizza tonight.  And then?  I goofed off.  Because Larry has the kids away camping and it was quiet in the house.  You know, some people pay good money to go to a spa and feel the way I did this afternoon (I mean, minus the wrenched back) in my blessedly peaceful house. 

I highly recommend family camping.  Sans mom, of course...

[Cranberry cake photo: Playing House]