Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Food Fight

As promised earlier this week, I am here to discuss why the Brits are mad at us (again). Long-time readers of this blog know that I am somewhat of a go-to blogger on any chocolate-related matters. It all started last year, when I alerted my readership to the threat of a potential candy bar shortage. Not only did I go on to decry the dangerous trend of gentrifying our chocolates, but I was also the blogger who revealed health care reform's hidden chocolate agenda.

You're welcome.

So! I feel it is my duty to inform you that we are facing an England-US dust-up which could make the Revolutionary War look like a lovers' quarrel. Apparently, the Brits are accusing the Americans of trying to take over their chocolate. That's right - both Kraft and Hershey are interested in acquiring Cadbury, the darling of the British chocolate industry.

What's wrong with that, you say? According to the Brits, just about everything. Apparently, our former fellow-countrymen believe that our chocolate confections are inferior to theirs. In fact, this article claims that they regard our beloved Hershey bars as tasting like "a mixture of soap powder and baby vomit."

Really, gentlemen! Tell us how you feel. Don't hold back.

Next thing you know, the Brits will be sneaking down to London harbor (if such a place exists) in the dark of night and throwing cases of Hershey bars overboard. Do we really want things to come to such a pass? Are we prepared to let our 2 countries be at odds for years or decades over such a matter? Remember - if we fight over chocolate, the terrorists win.

That's what I've heard, anyway.

Is Cadbury chocolate the taste of British childhood? Does Hershey market a product that tastes like baby vomit? Chocolatiers, spare the world the confectionery carnage of an international food fight by letting this impartial chocolate-blogging expert be the judge.

Send me a case of your finest confections. After sampling the chocolate-y concoctions, carefully, over a matter of weeks (well, maybe just days - I don't have much restraint), I'll get back to you (and the rest of the world) on their relative quality and pleasure-inducing potential. I will see to it that this matter is settled without bloodshed or violence.

I envision myself as the Mahatma Gandhi of chocolate. Except, um, not as skinny...and without the hunger strikes, of course....


  1. From your mouth to Cadbury's ears--if they send too many mini-eggs I'll take them off your hands!

  2. Ok - give me your address and I will send you a box of german and swiss (and maybe belgian if I can find some )chocolate!

    I once tasted a hershey bar during my first visit to the US and I'm just thankful that I didn't buy a whole box of them! I was so disappointed because I had read about american soldiers after WW II gifting german children with hershey bars and butter fingers and I always wanted to know how they taste.

  3. I have to side with the Brits here. Hershey bars? Eh. But I wouldn't say the British have the world's most superior chocolate, either. In fact, I think, in the name of science and all that's holy, you and I should figure out just who DOES make the world's best chocolate. As a public service.

  4. As always, your keen eye and powers of observation have taken bloggers to the heart of the matter and I applaud your leadership. Your heart. Your willingness to become the chocolate martyr for a cause bigger than all of us. Go Cocoa! Go Democracy!

  5. Who better than you to judge these confections (with your expertise in "baby vomit" as demonstrated by your previous posts)?

  6. They're going to toss Hershey bars into the river Thames? Say it isn't so!!
    However, I will take a [German] Ritter Sport over a Hershey bar any day. Meanwhile, my neighbor in Germany needed me to supply her with Butterfingers. Go figure. (That's what we are counting on you to do!)

  7. Hersheys doesn't take like soap powder and baby vomit. It tastes like wax. Have to admit, in general, I don't like American chocolate. (There are delicious exceptions, but they are smaller companies)
    Cadbury's, not the stuff you buy in the US but the kind you buy in the UK, is much much better.
    But sorry, the Europeans really win on this one. Esp the Swiss (minus Nestle) and the Belgiums.

  8. If you need help with this assignment, I would be more than happy to offer my assistance. I might be a bit bias though. If you have Hersheys all by themselves they are fine, however, if you just had something else chocolate, they do come across a bit waxy.


  9. Hmmmmmm.... Even Moses had Aaron and Hur holding up his arms in battle (Exodus 17). So, really, I think I must be there to hold up your arms when those cases of fine chocolates arrive!!! And, perhaps, you will toss one or two in my mouth every so often... :)

  10. We HAD Scharffenberger as the very best chocolate in the world, before Hershey bought them out; Green and Black's was the other truly truly superb chocolate. Cadbury bought *them* out, but kept G&B good. (Even if they ditched my favorite mint-filled dark bar.)

    So if Hershey gets its mitts on G&B via Cadbury too, there will be nothing truly superb left. Until... One hopes... Some start-up comes along and totally beats them out in the quality department like Scharffenberger was doing, before the good doctor who co-founded it passed away.

  11. I had no idea this situation was going on. This is serious.

    I guess I like the taste of baby vomit.

  12. Hershey Special Dark is OK. Much prefer Lindt or Toblerone. Ghirardelli isn't bad. You can have my share of the Cadbury eggs; maybe it's the texture, but I think they're gross. And don't get me started on Reese's Cups; love peanut butter, love chocolate, don't like them together. Too rich. (This, from the woman who could down an entire Death by Chocolate from the late, lamented Bennigan's.)

  13. Nobody's listening to me, right? Lean in close so I can whisper.

    {{{Cadbury's is WAY better than Hershey's or Nestle's.}}}

    I had ONE bar left from London that I was going to send you, but as soon as I had it in my hands...well, let's just say it was delish. ;-)

  14. Hershey's IS barfy. And I'm an American, through and through. The only chocolate they make that I like is the Symphony bars. I mostly stick to See's Candies for my chocolate fix. I don't blame the Brits one bit!

  15. I have to side with the British on this one. Hershey's ruined Scharffen Berger (and lied about it, too). They are the evil empire of chocolate.

  16. Go to your local world market. They carry Aero bars by cadbury and several other english choclates. I live in the US but only eat the greman chocolates(Lindt) or english.

    Flake is good, I prefer the choclate covered one instead of the plain.
    They have several different ones so look around and sample.