Monday, January 28, 2008

Children? I Don't Hear Any Children...

Larry (aka Mr. Security) has managed to load enough "protection" onto our new computer to make it almost as slow as the behemoth I was typing away on previously. You'd think, if he really wanted me to spend less time on this thing, that he would see the error of his ways, wouldn't you? Alas, I'm once again stuck watching pages load at a glacial pace; but virus-free, of course. And on a bigger screen.

As I type, Brian is indulging in one of those irritating, drawn-out whines that make the sound of fingernails on a blackboard pleasant by comparison. I cannot see the use of whining, evolutionarily speaking. It most definitely doesn't encourage the continuation of the species. Perhaps my children are a Darwinian dead end.

Dear Lord, don't let me kill him.

In other, more pleasant, child-related news, Lego's are 50 years old today. I heard on the news this evening that there are enough Lego bricks for each person on Earth to have 62 of them apiece. So, I am asking all the people who have obviously left their share in our living room to please come pick them up. Thank you.

Can you even imagine a world without Lego's? Do you realize this news means that, prior to 1958, parents had not only precious little in the way of TV to entertain their children, but also no decent toys either? What the heck did kids do? Play with sticks? Outside? All the time? Did parents back then simply shove them out the back door in the morning and slide the lock? And how many question marks can I put in one paragraph?

Brian is still whining. Say what you like, that kid has endurance.

Is there anyone else out there who cannot stand their children in the evening? I'm fine (well, I guess that may be debatable) until approximately 7:30 PM, when I suddenly realize that I have to share my entire life with these creatures and I cannot take it anymore. The whining, the nose-picking, the tattling, the Berenstain Bear books - everything becomes intolerable. So, I send them all to bed. The teenagers probably resent that a little, but tough. They need lots of sleep, anyway.

Let's not talk about kids anymore. Let's talk about knitting. So much more soothing....I'm knitting a scarf (the mistake-rib pattern from this post of Crazy Aunt Purl). Only I'm using size 13 needles. She must be a tighter knitter than I am. This is a very exciting project because I am using my brand new circular-needles kit (yes, I know you don't need circulars for a scarf; but I didn't own size 13's, which deficiency provided me with the perfect excuse to buy needles and I, um, sort of got carried away). Now I have a fun little carry-case out of which, on the merest whim, I can whip out a pair of any-size needles (from 2-15) and various size cables to connect them. I am knitter, hear me roar....

Pardon my exuberance, but knitting purchases are just so exhilarating. Better even than homeschool curricula purchases...I guess because knitting purchases don't involve children who may not want to cooperate with your plans to teach them 3 foreign languages before they are 12 years old. Knitting is just for me. Me, me, me, me, me.......

Hmmm....now I'm sounding like my 2-year-old. Maybe because Larry ("Aren't we paying 40 bucks a month for Weight Watchers?") won't let me have any more Twix bars. Even though I have 5 activity points to use up before my weigh-in tomorrow....isn't he mean?


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30 comments:

  1. This is why the firmest, most structured part of our day is Bedtime. I let precious little interfere with getting their adorable little butts into bed so that I can sit in peace with my yarn. With which I'm making stuff FOR THEM. I didn't say the system was perfect...

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  2. I'm pretty sure I could get rid of all of my kids toys except lego's and they wouldn't notice. Well, lego and playmobil.

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  3. No Twix bars? Oh the humanity!

    I make it to 8 and then all children are sent to their rooms. The olders can stay up if they want but I don't want to know they are up.

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  4. I, too, get tired of being a mom at a certain point in the evening. Just quit breathing so loudly and go to bed already! Mom of the Year will never be mine.

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  5. I once saw a mom's t-shirt (I think it was at a homeschooling conference) that said, "I can't hear whining."

    I thought about that t-shirt for a long time, wondering if it was more likely to stop the whining ("It's futile, y'all; she can't hear us") or ramp up its volume ("She can't HEEEEEAR us!").

    You are most definitely not alone with the evening tolerance deadline. Mother Goose is the result serious sociological research, I'm convinced, and there's no way the Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe smiled the way Dawn does in Rick's illustration for BECAUSE I SAID SO. No way at all.

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  6. Kids - I have learned to tune the kids out. On family outings in the car I just stare out at the scenery, oblivious to the chaos going on around me. My husband gives me this incredulous look and says "Do something. I'm driving." I look at him and say "Huh?"

    Knitting - at first I thought you meant you bought 13 different needles. Did you ever see the TP commercial where they were "quilting" the softness into the TP with knitting needles? I think the research dept. probably got talked to about that one!

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  7. I used to get a kick out of telling my kids that I don't speak whinese. Lame, but they hated it.

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  8. Strangely enough, my 3 year-old is most whiny in the morning. Just melts down over a spot of syrup in the wrong section of her plate and her yogurt drink straw pointing the wrong direction.

    But at night, I am done. I'm a drill sargent with the routine. And if my husband wants to come home from work 2 minutes before bedtime and get them all rowdy, then I'm officially off the clock.

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  9. My kids are all teenagers, so I just put myself to bed!

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  10. Knitting rocks. And, there's hardly anything better than buying new needles. Except maybe Twix bars. But that's not helpful, is it? Sorry.

    Since I can't put my own children on the curb in a box (Free! Take us!) at 7:30 in the evening, I put them to bed. They read for a half hour before lights out (they're 6 and 9). They have not yet figured out that this is a trick. They love it. Shh, don't tell them.

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  11. Bedtime is sacred. It is also Mike's job around here, because by then I.Have.Had.Enough.

    And while we're on the subject, there should be a law against children coming out of their bedroom after bedtime and before wake-up time, asking unnecessary questions.

    Heidi

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  12. We lived in California for 5 months and the only toy I shipped out there was a medium size box of Legos. When we arrived back, I put the box in the closet thinking they were probably sick of them now and had other buildables they could play with. Two days later...where are the Legos? I couldn't believe it!

    My husband had a No Whining button that he would wear, sometimes even for work. It brought a smile to many people's faces.

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  13. Before Legos, which kept my son entertained for hours, there were Lincoln logs and erector sets. I think I have stepped on so many Legos that I have a permanent imprint on my soles.

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  14. Bed Time Rocks!

    You've been tagged! See my post.
    http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=7811392155187142585

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  15. Prasie the Lord for Legos and bedtime!

    ...cue the Hallelujah Chorus...

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  16. What is it about 7 year old boys and whining?!? Mine whines worse than his older sister and for the life of me I can't break him of it. For the record, Kalynne, telling my son you can't hear whining doesn't make him turn up the volume or stop, it makes him repeat it over and over. Oh, about a thousand times. I guess it's the quantity versus quality debate solved.

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  17. It is fun watching you make the slide into knitting craziness with the rest of us... bwahahahaha! (Though I also got a giggle or two from the other stuff - come get your legos! Hahahaha!)

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  18. I'm with Jenn, they're tucking ME in! Oh, and I gave you an award today :)

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  19. You homeschool? How do you manage to last until 7:30 every evening without going completely mad? For me school is a blessing that leaves me with a bit of alone time to do stuff without whining and fighting.

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  20. Lady, you're on a roll. I agree with you on the whining, the legos, the "me thing" you have to spend money on...I am spoiled 'cuz my kids go to bed like champs... you go knit!

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  21. My kids have recently started requesting bubble baths after dinner. It's been great. I throw them in the tub and leave them in there until bedtime. Teenagers might object though.

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  22. The worst part of the day for me is right before dinner - the whining, the tantrums - ugh - I can't help thinking, This is my life?

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  23. I feel your pain about the end of the day with your kids. Each minute pass 7:30 gets me fired up because I too need som down time to watch the news or mindless TV, glad I am not alone in my thoughts :)

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  24. How can you have activity points left? Or anything left? Can I have them??

    You lost me in the entire yarn paragraph. It sounded something like molecular chemistry or quantum physics or something. You know, you can go buy scarves. And then spend more time making funny posts for me to laugh at.

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  25. children? do you have children? i don't hear any children. i don't have children either (i totally get that evening thing)...but boy do i have legos!

    happy knitting!

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  26. Thank the good Lord above for Bedtime!!!!!!!! I include myself in that, since I live with 2 teenagers and one pre-teen.

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  27. I completely tune my kids out, especially in the car. They could be shattering the winsodws and I probably wouldn't notice. It drives my husband CRAZY! Me, it's just heaven.

    My kids are in bed at 7...but they are 4 & 5. I work all day and need some ME time!

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  28. The children's hour in our house occurs pleasantly enough just when I'm trying to cook dinner. There is a lot of yelling come this time. From them, from me. Also a lot of whine - and wine.

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  29. Just wanted to share a little trick from one mom of a large family to another. My husband attended college two nights a week while our five children were 10 and under, including twin babies. Once we hit 7pm I was no longer a nice person. Sometimes that "7pm" wall struck by 5pm! So I would change the clocks in the house...all of them...and they would go to bed early without knowing it. The oldest started to catch on by the end, but I had a nice run.

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  30. I'm on a knitting kick myself. Making a baby blanket. I've yet to finish a knitting project. Ever. Wish me luck on this one!

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