Thursday, February 21, 2008

Hypochondria, Unleashed

Sometimes, I like to fantasize what my life might be like if I could take a shower in the morning without 2 little girls in the bathroom with me, bickering over which one gets to unwrap Mommy's Kotex. Just in case you thought there was a cure for sibling rivalry, I'm here to tell you that no, there isn't. Siblings will fight over anything. They're programmed that way.

I managed to pierce my foot on some sharp piece of jewelry crap on the girls' room floor this morning, and the doctor's office recommended that I come in for a long-overdue tetanus shot. So, blowing some finely-laid morning plans to hell, I headed out, down my ice-glazed steps and to my ice-glazed car, which I couldn't open. So I called the doctor's office to tell them that my car was frozen shut. Meanwhile, Theo, always intrigued by a challenge, went outside to see what he could do and came back in to report that the reason I couldn't get the car open was because the doors were...um...locked.

I hate smart-aleck teens, don't you? Especially when they're right?

So now I am defrosting the car. Hopefully I will remember to go back out before I run out of gas. Because otherwise I would be stuck here without a tetanus shot and my inner hypochondriac would take over and convince me that death is imminent. And that would result in my devoting my day to what any mother would do if she felt that her time on earth was soon to end - I would try to organize all the thousands of pictures on my computer so that my poor motherless chicks would at least have a few happy memories of their childhood.

I really don't have the energy to do all that right now, so I think I'll go outside and check on that car.

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17 comments:

  1. Umm . . . are your girls aware what a Kotex is for? I can give them a box of Maxi pads to unwrap if they REALLY want some laughs.

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  2. You really crack me up! I hate for those things to happen to you but you make it so fun to read about, I just wait for the next one to happen.hshehehhehe sorry.

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  3. kelli - that's what my friends say, too. Maybe I need new friends...

    mom bomb - The girls call them "mommy diapers."

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  4. Glad to know I'm not the only one being upstaged by my teens :)

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  5. You are a grand person to see the humor in these details. I kick Team Testosterone OUT of the bathroom these days. No more questions. No more answers. Yes, their future wives and daughters will resent the SH** out of me, but I'll get over it;)

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  6. Hope your foot is OK and they won't have to amputate.

    Doctors are always asking me when my last tetanus shot was, and when I say, "I dunno. High School?" they never give me one. Do I really look like high school was that recent for me?

    I'm worried now. I think I need a tetanus shot. You know, just in case.

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  7. So funny. Kids these days, both the young ones, and the teens.

    Mommy diapers? Now that's hilarious.

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  8. I'm sorry to hear about your foot! I had a "frozen car with not enough gas" incident last week...

    I, too, believe sibling rivalry will never be conquered. My kids once argued about who's glasses were "more broken"!

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  9. Um, yeah, wiping the tears away at the thought of you organizing your digital photos while you imagine your demise. Awesome post. Hope you feel better and the shot wasn't too horrific.

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  10. Don't get me started on tetanus. I was slightly overdue while pregnant and as part of my job had to edit an article on tetanus, which included the anecdote of the newborn who actually died of it. Did you know that our immunity holds them over until they get their own shots? The article had me all freaked out that because I was overdue for the shot, I didn't have enough immunity and my newborn would somehow contract tetanus, too. My midwife asked if I could manage to edit the articles without actually reading them...

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  11. The car was locked? Excellent.

    HRH is about 10 minutes away from being smarter than us. And he knows it. We're in big trouble.

    I haven't peed alone in five years.

    Namaste, dude.

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  12. Teenagers!

    Hope you feel better, soon.

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  13. Yeah - I hate when teens are right.Hope he's not the kind to keep reminding you at vulnerable times.

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  14. Know-it-all teenagers--at least yours actually did know it this time!

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  15. Loving the fighting over the Kotex. That's one my kids haven't done yet.

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  16. How funny! I love your sense of humor!

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  17. I hope you got your shot!

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