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Showing posts from January, 2010

Movie Review By Rip Van Winkle

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As has been discussed here before, I am the Rip Van Winkle of movie-viewing. I didn't know who Matt Damon was until a few years ago when my husband dragged me to see The Good Shepherd. I'd never even heard of George Clooney until Mrs. G named him Secret Boyfriend #9 and enlisted him to play one of her husbands in the soon-to-be HBO series Bigger Love (also created by Mrs. G).

So! Larry and I just watched Ocean's 11. First time ever. Because, hey, the movie has only been out for 9 years. You know, I'm just glad I'm seeing movies from this century. I spent all of last year trying to catch up on the 1990's. (Office Space, anyone? Sixth Sense? Do you know how humiliating it is to wait 12 years before understanding the line, "I see dead people"?)

Unfortunately, this particular movie contained a large cast of characters and a somewhat complicated plot. Larry had to endure my saying, "Who's he?" and "How did that happen?&quo…

Sometimes Sinister Wears A Smiley Face

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You know, if I had an IPad to carry with me wherever I go, I could have typed in my blog ideas as they came to me today; then I wouldn't be sitting here now wondering what it was that seemed like such a great idea a few hours ago.

Gone...that idea is gone forever...and our world is a little poorer for it.

Or not.

It snowed here today (no, that wasn't the great idea) and we got all of 4 inches of the fluffy white stuff, which meteorological calamity forced our local Starbucks to close 5 hours early. Someone explain to me - does Starbucks simply have to close for the winter in places like Minnesota and Wisconsin?

Larry braved subzero weather (Celsius-wise) this evening to clean the snow off my car so that I could go out to work tonight. Now I am sitting here blogging in a cozy bookstore (albeit without my tea), because the website I work from is down. While Larry gets to clean up the kitchen and put the kids to bed...

Is Larry getting the short end of the stick this evening, or w…

IWant IPad

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Let's review my current technological status:

cellphone? Pay-per-minute, no camera, no web accesslaptop? $350-model bought as a backup when we couldn't live 3 days without our sickly main computer Kindle? None, despite my begging...IPod Touch? Ha!Cable TV? Not even...
Let's face it, people; Larry and I are not early adopters. And once we do get our hands on a new (to us) piece of technology, it takes us forever to learn to use it.

That all changed yesterday. David and I watched Steve Jobs present his newest creation and suddenly a new thought crept into my head: Must we always be the 21st-century equivalent of the Flintstones? Is that indeed our destiny? Or could we exercise our God-given free will to change the trajectory of fate, bend it to our will, as it were?

By my calculations, we've saved 8,640 dollars over the past 18 years by not paying for cable TV. No cellphone contract the past 5 years? That's another 4000 dollars that should be lying around here …

A Trip in the Wayback Machine

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You people really should go read the comments from the last post. Apparently, using one's car as a refrigerator is a fairly common practice. Who knew?

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I'm old enough to have learned how to type in junior high on a typewriter. A manual typewriter. Meaning, it didn't plug into anything. Hard to imagine, isn't it? I mean, how did it work if there wasn't any electricity? Did we pedal it or something? I can't recall.

And I remember learning how to use carbon paper in this typewriter (why? didn't we have copy machines back then?) and how to carefully center a title by spacing all the way to the middle and then backspacing half the number of letters (we had time to do this because there was no blogging to suck up half our days). And there was a manual return lever that we had to press to bring the typing carriage back to the beginning of a line.

I swear, I feel as though I made all that up.

We moved up to electric typewriters in 9th g…

7 Quick Takes Friday: The Procrastinator's Edition

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Yeah, it does seem to be Saturday, doesn't it? We're all about breaking the rules around here.

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You know how some people go jogging with their dogs so that they can keep up a steady, aerobically-strengthening pace? Today I saw a woman doing that, but I doubt she was getting maximum exercise benefits out of the experience. Dachshunds just cannot go that fast.

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Larry went skiing with David and his Boy Scout troop this weekend, so I decided to give myself a break and order pizza for dinner last night. (Hey, it's cheaper than the spa weekend I should be getting.) We had almost an entire pizza left over. Trying to make room in my refrigerator(s) for a large pizza box was too overwhelming, so I threw on my coat and carried the pizza box out to our parking lot and placed it carefully in the front passenger seat of our minivan. Brian went out there this morning to retrieve it for breakfast.

And now it occurs to me that maybe that looked a littl…

As The Food Turns: The Non-Blogging Friend Edition

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Hey, did you know that if you Yahoo-search the question "how many days can an open jar of Tostitos brand salsa be kept in the refrigerator?"...

This post tops the list?

Honored. I am honored, I tell you. And I certainly hope that the reader who arrived at my humble blog after asking that question was frightened into cleaning out her fridge, lest she end up with condiment overload also.

You know, I really like that post. It sums up my housekeeping issues very nicely.

But it also made me realize that we are overdue here, people. It's time.

First, I'd like to present our Holiday Collection: the cut celery sticks (top) are from New Year's Day, the potroast and carrots (do not enlarge, you will be sorry) are from Christmas (not typical Noel fare, but we were celebrating Chanukah late - long story); and the vegetable stock? Hails all the way from Thanksgiving.

I know, I know - sometimes I just outdo myself.




The other food-poisoning contestants:
In the metal pot, some lef…

Fat Is Funny

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I have no idea if I'm allowed to post this strip, but the third frame? To get the full effect, say it out loud. I was telling Larry about it and I laughed until I cried.

"Everything makes you look fat."

It kills me.

And poor Larry, he didn't know what to do.

Laugh with me and risk appearing to identify with the sentiment? Say, "That doesn't even make sense!" in a desperate effort to distance himself from any conjugal conversation with the word "fat" in it?
Just sit there and smile uncertainly?
He picked option #3. That man knows when he's in dangerous waters (no pun intended).

No Time For Titles

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First, a correction - Friday I claimed that Ree had over 400 comments already! 400! As in, a very big number! Ann in NJ, as first commenter, gently informed me that somehow that number had jumped to, uh, 24000 in the 15 minutes since I had posted this information. Seems that it was 400 comments on just the first page that I had noticed. I didn't even know it was possible to have more than one page of comments. Jenn tells us that the final total was over 25000. Meaning that Ree owed over $2500 dollars to charity....rather than the 40 dollars that I had so uncleverly calculated.


Second, RobinH, taking pity on my lack of pixels and computer ignorance in general, sent me a corrected version of the delurking badge (over there to your right). She claimed that she just happened to have some extra pixels lying around and didn't mind sharing them.


So, for those of you keeping count, that is 2 commenters gently humoring my total technological ineptitude. The blogosphere is a very …

7 Quick Takes: The Unnumbered Edition

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Until noon today, Ree at The Pioneer Woman is donating $.10 for every comment she receives on a post where she is giving away two $500 donations to the Haitian-related charity of the winner’s choice. Let's see...if I donated 10 cents for every comment I receive....hmmmm......that would come to about 2 dollars. With Ree, however, it's real money - I think she has 400 commenters already. So get on over there and earn your dime, will ya?

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That's right - I've given up on the numbered list. It was maxing me out, technologically speaking.

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I think Tuesday was delurking day, but most of us forgot it - what with earthquakes in Haiti and all. So let's delurk today, shall we? If you don't usually comment, just say hi! I'd love to know who bothers reading this silly little blog. Supposedly 420 people have me on their Google Reader - I only know about 30 of you.

And, yes, I know I have the wrong year on the logo. When you steal stuff…

Calling All Knitters!

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What?  You don't know what that is?  It's the knit-signal, alerting all the knitters of Gotham City (and the blogosphere) that help is needed.  That little bit of money you've been squirreling away for your next yarn purchase?  The latest BlogHer check that you haven't cashed yet while you decide which size circulars you need to purchase?  The loose change on your husband's dresser he'll never miss that you had planned to spend on a little something at Michael's to tide you over?

It's needed.  In Haiti.  Right now.  That's right, Knitters Without Borders has been reactivated by the esteemed Yarn Harlot in order to assist Médecins Sans Frontières (Doctors Without Borders, you non-French-speaking rubes) in helping the Haitians cope with the devastation that has been wrought upon their island.

The knit-signal has been activated!  Go to Stephanie's page to learn how to help.  Or go directly to the Doctors Without Borders donation page.  Let's s…

Being Jewish Is A Laugh Riot

2 minutes left to post tonight! Go!

Did I ever regale y'all with the story of the Anne Frank bathroom? June over at Bye Bye Pie was talking about Anne Frank, which (because I am a tad shallow) reminded me of an apartment I once lived in, an apartment with a faux-wood-panelled hallway.

Very classy, yes? This apartment was in a college town, in the basement of a gorgeous old house that had been split up into several separate living quarters. It was centrally located, meaning that I could hear all the people leaving the collegetown bars at night - mostly because they stopped in the alley behind my bedroom window to throw up.

I told you - classy.

Where was I? Oh, yes - the hallway....

There was a bathroom opening off the hallway. When the bathroom door was shut, you couldn't see it; it was made of the same fake wood panels as the walls in the hall. I had a friend who, any time he came to visit, would insist on opening what he called the "hidden" door, just to make sure…

Don't Shop For Me At Home Depot...

Perhaps it isn't wise of me to sit around waiting for Larry to come up with a good anniversary gift, considering his gift-giving history. Let's see, we all recall the bananas he gave me last Valentine's Day, correct? So perhaps I shouldn't have been surprised on Christmas morning when he handed me a package and urged me to open it. It was long, with something that felt suspiciously like a brush on one end.

"You didn't," I said.

"What?"

"It's something to clean my car off with. You got me an ice scraper for Christmas?"

"It's a pretty color," he promised.

Oh! Being a sucker for any happy combination of form and function, I tore off the wrapping to discover a handy-dandy windshield scraper/brush in the dainty color of....

Construction-truck yellow?

How...um...feminine....

Larry, noting the puzzled expression on my face, said, "Look! It's got a telescoping handle!"

"I thought it would be purple..."

&…

Lights! Camera! Action!

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Last Sunday was Larry's and my 19th anniversary; and I spent the day being smugly cognizant of the fact that Larry did not seem to be aware of this momentous occasion. Unlike last year, I plotted to spring the news on him the next morning and ruminated gleefully on all the ways I could milk this mistake of his over the next year. Oh, I had plans, people!

Of course, Larry ruined everything by wishing me a happy anniversary at 8 o'clock that evening. He claims he knew all along what day it was, but we were just so busy preparing for that day's visitors (old friends were dropping by) that he didn't have time to mention it earlier. What? No time for a simple kiss on the cheek? It's not as if he would have had to run out to the store to buy it, right?

I think I've been had. Next year? That guy will have a bridge to sell me.

Also? Larry and I went out for our annual movie date today, using the movie theatre gift card I bought him for Christmas. No problem with tha…

Gone And (Maybe) Forgotten

5 days? 5 days I go missing and you folks don't even send out a search team? That's about 6 months in blog years, you know.

And I don't even have a good excuse. None. Oh, maybe I was trying to garner a little attention, trying to see how many readers would bother to stop by to see how I was doing (answer: not a lot). Or maybe I was like the 9-year-old girl at the slumber party who pretends to be asleep before everyone else just so they would all tickle her.

Was that just me?

Most likely I was just too darn busy eating all the leftover mini-Reese's from my New Year's Party to bother waddling over to my computer desk and typing out a few words.

Also? That "2 thousand and 10" v "twenty ten" controversy? Has me very depressed. I want to say "twenty ten"; I know that by next year everyone will be saying "twenty eleven"; and certainly a decade from now no one would be foolish enough to recite "two thousand and twenty"…

Success!

Last year I resolved not to set up myself up for failure by making resolutions I could not meet. Let us review, then, whether this plan worked or not:

Maintain my current (over)weight

No problem! With a bonus 5 pounds, for a safety cushion (ahem)...

Studiously ignore my children at least 2 hours every day

Done!

Make sure to have a minimum of 10 knitting projects started at all times, with fully half of them not findable at any given moment. Finish projects only when absolutely necessary.

Whoops - I only managed to have 3 or 4 on the needles at one time. But some of them have been started since 2008, so I claim success on this one also.Also, I took advantage of every opportunity to order items from Knitpicks. Bonus points.

Take thousands more pictures, but only edit a minimal number (say, when a small child asks, "What does Grandma look like again?")

What can I say? I'm prescient.

Breathe loudly near my teen daughter.She likes that.

I continued to annoy Anna this year, without…