Thursday, May 08, 2008


I'd be snoozing right now; but the sound of a toddler barfing right next to me hath murdered sleep. I'm fussy that way, not being able to relax while lying there and waiting for Round 2. We could have put Susie in her own bed after her vomiting incident, but that would have made sense. After all, why mess up a set of twin sheets when you can finish off yet another set of king-sized ones instead? And Larry had the nerve to make fun of me while I carefully remade our bed with the spare sheets. "Yeah, make sure that top sheet is on right-side-out," he remarked. "We wouldn't want her to puke on the wrong side tonight."

I'm a creature of habit, what can I say? I tucked in the corners just so, too.

Last week Mental Tesserae suggested (in the comments of this post) that mothers must have 100 words for vomit, just as Eskimos (supposedly) have a hundred words for snow. Well, I managed to use 3 of them in that first paragraph alone. Pretty good, huh? It strikes me that I may have a special talent for writing about regurgitation (4!). I've certainly had enough practice, anyway.

Why can't I ever write about anything interesting, like global warming or the food shortage or the presidential campaign? Noooo, it's always vomit this and barf that and puke all over the bed linens around here. I wonder whether the people who invented the Internet envisioned someone like me using it to liveblog the slow, relentless march of a stomach virus through our family of 8.

Ain't technology great? Maybe I could embed a video next time. I mean, what's a vomit story without the sound effects?


  1. Um, the word you're looking for is perfect.

    But, even though I would prefer not to hear the sound effects (we have those at our house thankyouverymuch), I am impressed at your wide range of vomit words.

    And I would have put the sheets on the right way, too.

  2. Hey, I actually had to go back to paragraph one to see the three words you used for up-chucking (5).

    Hang in there. They will eventually leave, and then you'll miss the smell.

  3. I am not going to gloat or anything, because we are getting ready to fly on 3 planes, and I refuse to jinx myself. I will say though that we have sickies in this house too. But it is nice because we have the fever virus. It started with Johan, the other day he had a high fever of 103ish for 2 days, no other symptoms, then he was all better. Today Lana, Isa and Mickey all had a fever. Mickeys was worse than the other. I personally prefer this kind of illness for the kids - they just sleep. For myself though, I prefer the stomach virus - throw up and um - the other end issues as well - because that is a great way to lose alot of weight in a couple of days. I mean, how else can you lose 10 pounds over the weekend? Oh sure maybe with that Hollywood Juice diet thing, but that costs good money. The stomach virus is free. And you save money because it takes a good 3 days after you are feeling better to start eating right again. You know that whole I am scared to eat more than a peice of bread incase my insides try to throw a coup.

  4. That Larry. He's a funny guy.

    I had an idea to help you.
    Maybe you should get yourself some of those feed bags like they tie on horses faces. Put them on your children, and they will puke in the bags and not on the sheets.

    Here's hoping everyone will get well and you can get some decent sleep.

  5. Ugh! Hope that's the end of it for now and that Susie's better this morning.


  6. AnonymousMay 08, 2008

    I don't have 100 words for 'vomit' but I certainly have a vast library of swear words. Does that count?

    Sorry to hear you were awakened by vomit. My least favorite way to wake up. I have actually trained my children to barf on a towel next to the bed if they seem to be feeling sick...but sometimes they surprise me with a stealth barf.

    I too did not get much sleep, but it was because I heard some strange creatures running back and forth in my attic all night. I'm hoping for squirrels as a best case scenario...

  7. So, did that evil vomiting/puking/barfing bug hide out for a day or two lurking in the shadows, only to rear it's ugly head when you thought all was clear?

    Anyway, you write interesting stuff all the time . . . just leave out the sound effects, if you please!

    God bless.

  8. No thanks - not the video! Your descriptive writing gives me as much as I need to know about that topic.

    Hope everyone is better soon.

  9. Bleh. I'm so lucky that my kids rarely get sick. The first time my son threw up he was 4, and didn't know what on earth it was. He kept saying, "Mommy, I spilled!"

  10. Ugh, you poor thing. I always had my kids keep a vomit bowl near their beds when they were sick. Saved on sheets.

  11. sharing the mice and ants was ok, but you keep your vomit to yourself.

  12. AnonymousMay 08, 2008

    you missed heave (6) ;-)

  13. You should invent haz-mat suit pajamas. Along with a containment bubble. You would make like a gazillion dollars.
    No human vomiting here although the cat is sick again and always nails the floor on my side of the bed. And we are going through potty training and so we are getting the other nasty end.
    No smell-o-vision please - I'm queasy just thinking about it.
    Good luck!

  14. AnonymousMay 08, 2008

    You should rename your blog to "The Gastro-intestinal Correspondent." That would be funny. There are probably 100 words for vomit--upchuck, tossing cookies, heaving cookies, tossing chunks, I shall stop now before I make myself sick.

  15. I brought out the puke pot when my kids were in a state of upchucking. It's still at the back of my kitchen cupboard ready for the next generation. I wonder if any of my kids will put that pot on the list of must haves when it comes time to divy up my worldly goods?

  16. Oh, don't worry---I've got plenty of sound-effects in my head to accompany this post! Hope your sheets made it unscathed.

  17. Oy.

    I was thinking that we've actually had not a lot of puke in our house, but I probably shouldn't say that, right?

    On the other hand, my mother barfs a lot, which might be worse because you can't sling her over your shoulder and into the tub...

  18. I just told my husband that we are getting the flu shot next year. I cannot believe how many bouts we've battled this year. And catching puke in your bare hands is way overrated. If I never have to do that again I'll be happy.

    Maybe we can get discounts at the doctor for our large families.

  19. AnonymousMay 08, 2008

    WELL said. Nothing will jolt you from a dead sleep faster than the sound of wretching.


  20. How is it that no one mentioned "ralphing?" I feel your pain. I had this same experience just a few days ago. Joy.

  21. In fact, I can hear my daughter now banging on the metal bowl we gave her to sleep with because, days later, we still haven't washed it and put it away. Who am I to get in the way of creative drumming?

  22. We had the barf bowl for when my kids blew chunks. And that is what they called it... nice. Not something you can really use for anything else after that anyway.

  23. I was also thinking of "ralphing". (one of my bro's names)

    We used to have a small plastic trash can that was the place to... yeah.

    Please, please... do not post video or audio of such an event.