Tuesday, November 06, 2007

I Don't Need No Stinkin' Title

I have a 5-year-old daughter who for some reason takes pleasure in snipping a single fringe (can that word even be used in the singular?) off our authentic Turkish carpet every few days. Every time I sweep the dining room floor (about twice a week), I find one (just one) severed string from our pretty rug, which happens to be the only nice thing we have left in this dump we call home. Today I also noticed a deep scratch in the glass of our storm door (too high for Susie to reach). I am assuming Rachel has decided to adopt a stealthier approach than she has employed previously in order to achieve her goal of destroying everything we own. And there is nothing I can do about it. If I bring attention to it, experience tells me that she will escalate.

Isn't there some sort of homeowner's insurance I could buy that would cover us for vandalism of this nature? I'm sure that it would more than pay for itself.

Susie is not adjusting well to Standard Time. She stood at my elbow while I tried to edit photos and screamed for over half an hour, because she thought it was bedtime. My ears are still ringing, even though she went to sleep (finally) 2 hours ago. I'm not as resilient as I used to be.

Larry wants to escape on a Boy Scout backpacking trip with Theo. I told him it was fine with me, as long as he brought Anna along too. They could enjoy some of that positive daddy-daughter bonding that parenting-book authors seem so fond of. I mean, if she would deign to talk to him. She might be a bit upset, since sleeping outside and peeing in the woods isn't exactly her idea of a good time. Which is why I want her to go, of course. Plus, I wouldn't have her glaring at me all weekend. A win-win situation, right?


  1. When we first moved into our brand. new. house., one that we had built and therefore picked every window placement and light switch, I was more than a little nervous with my young sons running around. After a while I realized that the nicks on the baseboards (by crashing matchbox cars) and the scratches on the hardwood floors (soccer cleats?) helped make our house an actual home. (But the purple crayon marks behind the bedroom door . . . those I could do without!)

  2. Haven't you learned from me that you need to hide the scissors??

  3. My 3yo is on a big scissors and tape kick. The amount of tape on our walls! Most of them aren't painted yet (still), so whatever. Better than coloring on the doors (which he's done) and the rugs (that too), but not so good when he goes after his brother with the scissors. Sigh.

  4. Oh I can tell I need to spend more time here so I know mine's not the only teenage girl who's such a joy...

  5. My mother-in-law warned us before we had children not to buy anything nice until they were at least ten. I wish we had listened. The time change is tough. My kids are all exhausted long before bedtime, and awake at 5AM. Ugh!

  6. Bia - the pockmarks on our hardwood floors came from someone getting hold of a pair of roller blades in the house and doing I-can't-imagine-what with them.

    BandC - you know that doesn't work around here. She finds them.

    Amy - Scotch tape is extremely hard to scrape off walls. And you can't really paint over it. Go ahead, ask me how I know.

    cw - Misery loves company.

    sue - ten is too young. Wait until they're twenty.

  7. Liked the beginning, but felt you had three pieces where you created one. Each single issue --house destruction with kids, standard time and the boy scout trip merited a whole piece. I wanted more on each. You have a great voice.

    For humor purposes --don't try this at home, CPS will be phoning my house for even suggesting might have given the daughter a barbie and explained her beauty was magically linked to the rug. Everytime the rug gets a hair cut, so does Barbie...

  8. I pretty much gave up on having things be nice in the house. I figure when I get really old, I will just redo everything. Probably in just enough time for the grandkids to come over and ruin it. I had to laugh though - that is pretty funny that she cuts the rug...

  9. Ewww, that would be punishment! (And such a great idea, all rolled into one!)

  10. So the distruction doesn't stop when they get older? My sweet two year old cut my shirt sleeve the other day, while I was wearing it!!!

  11. Homeowners insurance for parents of small children! I think you are onto something here! I will mention it to my agent next time.

  12. I too have problems keeping up with scissors around here. I hide them, I throw them away, I put them away where even I can't find them, yet someone else ALWAYS has them. The same thing with markers, crayons, colored pencils, pens, etc. etc. If I need scissors, or crayons etc. etc. I just have to ask Mickey or Isa. The 3 and 4 yr olds always know where everything is.

    Oh yeah, if you have never had the pleasure of using washable crayons. DONT. They are horrible when they get wet. I dont know what they are made up of, but man, gt a drop of water on them, and they become like markers staining everything. Isa had a red one in her hands and went to wash her hands, she held it in one hand and washed the other one. Then she switched hands puttin the crayon into the now clean (and wet) hand. By the time she was done, her hands were stained red - for a couple of days - the walls and doors between the bathroom sink and the living room, as well as her shirt, her face and her pants were then covered in red stain. So think about what would happen if you have a mark on the wall, then grab a washrag and begin wiping the "washable" crayons off the wall - smeared colors all over the all. What fun.

    (and lucky me, when I was doing school shopping and they only cost $.10 each, I picked up 20 boxes, and they are all washable.

  13. I attempted to email you and hopefully you got it?!?

    I think it only fair that if Larry wants to escape that he take Anna with him.

    I think you are onto something with the homeowner's insurance for children's vandalism. Could work for sure!

  14. Tell Larry that his daughter's future depends on her relationship with her father; its in all the books. And tell Anna to point em downhill when she pees!

  15. You've seen my posts on the inside of my house and car. You know we have nothing nice left.

    Insurance for vandalism from within - you should market that. I'd buy it!

    Incidentally, my HUSBAND (age 39) consistently removes one fringe from our couch pillows and uses it to FLOSS.

    I voluntarily have sex with this man. *rolls eyes*

  16. OK, sister, we are officially living in parallel universes. Absolutely everything in this and the linked post have happened at my house. More than once. My 9 yo still isn't allowed to have scissors. We locked them all up after he hacked up the mattress and box springs, so he just took a tin can lid out of the garbage to cut his sister's bike seat. The 8 yo comes home with a "haircut" he did during some cutting project in school. Another day he cut his pants pocket out and got a shirt. Yes, uniforms. Grrr! 16 yo didn't even need scissors when she was little, I picked her up from her Sunday school class only to find she had gotten a seam loose and picked all the seams off her blouse, the whole thing was just hanging from the neckband.



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