Friday, November 30, 2007

Notes to Myself

Things I Used To Worry About When I First Had Kids, But Don't Have The Energy To Care About Anymore:

1. Being fair - life's not fair, and if they can learn that lesson early in life, well, that puts them that much ahead of the game. Besides, it's fun to pretend you like one of them better - it drives them crazy. My kids actually argue among themselves over whom I like best. Which is sort of weird, come to think of it.

2. Anything any "expert" says about childrearing - unless, of course, that particular expert happens to have raised 6 or more children without going insane in the process.

3. What my children think about me - it really doesn't matter, because no matter how wonderful I am to them, they're still going to hate me when they are adolescents.

4. Providing expensive toys that "do" things - my kids prefer empty shoeboxes, cartons of craft sticks, duct tape, and garbage bags, even when presented with spectacular alternatives.

5. Going on fancy vacations (fancy, as in anything over, say, 150 dollars) - kids whine no matter where you take them; but their whining irritates you more if you've plunked down a large wad of dough that should have gone into your retirement fund in order to show them a good time. You do realize, don't you, that you can take them on a fancy tour of the European continent, but what they'll remember fondly are mundane things like the ice machines in the hotel corridors? Hey, we've got ice at home, okay?

Things I Worry About Now:

1. One of my kids growing up to be a psychopathic ax-murderer (and the neighbors shaking their heads and saying, "It must have been the homeschooling.").

2. My children letting their kids watch TV non-stop until their little brains melt, all because they didn't get to watch it when they were young.

3. One of my kids marrying a total loser, but not realizing it until they have 3 kids together and she/he leaves him/her and I end up playing host/babysitter to 3 grandkids and a single parent.

4. Any of my children growing up to be the sort of skank who would ever use this website.

And One Thing I Definitely Have To Live Long Enough For:

1. Anna's having a 13-year-old daughter of her own. 30 years may be a long time to wait for an apology, but it'll be worth it.


  1. I hate toys that "do" things, too. I call them stupid toys. When my first was born,I told everybody no plastic toys, because that seemed to rule out just about all the stupid ones. He got one anyway at about 6 months old, and then the gifter tried to show him the "right way" to play with it. Yeah, that went over real well. Never saw that toy again...

  2. Oh how my kids hate it when I tell them "life isn't fair"... Maybe I say it too much. Oh well, don't care :)

    I also worry about them marrying the loser after having kids and wanting to move back home... OH please God no!

    This was a great post!

  3. I don't know how I missed you were a homeschooler, but maybe that's the reason I keep coming back here. Do you homeschool them all.

    You are so right about the vacation deal. When I ask my kids what one of their happiest memories is they usually mention the night I decided to order a pizza after midnight and woke them up to join was nine years ago so it clearly had an impact.

  4. Lots to think about. I think we are constantly changing and maturing, as our children grow. You are right about not caring what someone has to say unless they have raised a lot of children. How can they know? ;)

  5. Things Mrs. Smith is wondering about when she should be doing laundry: Will we here from you on Saturday or will you take a well deserved break?
    What will I do now that you are not being forced to entertain me on a daily basis?

  6. I was never going to feed my little darlings anything with sugar...prior to actually having them.

  7. roflmao...yes. Hubby and I once worried about our children growing up to be doctors and lawyers. Now we believe if they move out, are self-supporting, and stay out of jail, well. We done good.

  8. "they're still going to hate me when they are adolescents." AAAAACK! Don't say that. We're more into old school presents - blocks, legos, art supplies.

  9. I wonder if I can print this out.... I was just having this very discussion with a woman about to have a kid. (I'm so helpful, aren't I?) On second thought maybe she doesn't need to know all this yet...

  10. LOL to the last line!

    And so true about the expensive holidays....they really don't care.


  11. Whenever my mother whines about any of her childern (not me of course, I'm perfect) I always say "Ma, you're 5 for 5. No one came back, you must have done something right."

  12. Oh I agree with that 100%. It is so true. I worry about my kids growing up and hating me. I try hard to be the "cool" mom but still a good mom, and that is hard. I think I will just end up being the uncool, unfair mom!!

  13. amy - yes, you've got to figure that if it needs instructions, it's not worth it

    mrs g - I love this pizza story! Mine are like that, too, remembering some stupid snack I bought them once, and totally forgetting any birthday or Christmas gifts.

    mrs smith - Oh, is it really the end? Really? Whew!

    mary alice - darn it, I knew there was something I forgot: Sugar won't kill them. Thanks.

    twizzle - talk about lowering the bar, huh?

    madmad - she won't believe you, anyway...

    fannie mae - well, maybe you all hated her soooo much.....just kidding, Mom!

  14. It sounds like you have a nicely rounded list of things you DO worry about and things you DON'T worry about. I think (only have three kids myself) I still try to worry about stuff I shouldn't, and then I worry about the stuff that's just too big to tackle, but I worry anyway. I worry they'll be drug addicts or alcoholics, I worry Emily will give herself up to some underving creep, or some sick-o in life will come take it from her, etc. Parenting is SCARY stuff.

    I love the bit about your daughter having a teenaged daughter of her own. I'm scared of what teenager land is like (I'll find out in another 7.5 years!)

    Thanks for the smile!

  15. Ain't that the truth!? All of it! Have a great weekend.