Showing posts from December, 2011

Love And Marriage

Okay, someone landed here by searching on the term 
marriage "resigned to my fate"

I would just like to say that I am sorry your Google-esque cry for help was answered with a blog post comparing a dishwasher to a dead Osama bin Laden.  I'm sure that didn't provide any answers.If you need inspiration on achieving conjugal bliss, though, you can read about how Larry and I manage to choose paint colors, share toothpaste tubes, and divvy up household tools.

Your marriage looks pretty good by comparison, no?

[marriage picture: Facebook]

My Favorite Tweets of 2011

[The idea for this post was stolen from Where Hot Comes To Die.  I am telling you this so that Suzy doesn't hunt me down and kill me.  She's not the type to fall for that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" nonsense.]

@Borowitz Report
If you're happy and you know it you're not Jewish.

Note to self. Don't put sunblock lotion near toothpaste.

I have one joke about the Jim Jones Guyana tragedy but it's got a very long punch line.

Jack LaLanne dead at 96. Obviously he wasn't in as good a shape as he led us to believe.

Study Finds Every Style Of Parenting Produces Disturbed, Miserable Adults

Yet more Jobs lost under Obama's watch

Parenting is like manning a control panel with unmarked buttons. You just hope you don't accidentally initiate the bell tower sequence.

Complaining about lack of privac…

Praise The Lord And Pass The Chocolate Santas

A couple of weeks ago, Susie said, "Santa doesn't bring enough candy."

"You think he should bring more candy?" I asked.

"Yup.  Fun candy.  Christmas candy!"

People, her request struck me as the Christmas equivalent of a Get Out of Jail Free card.   Just think - an end to hunting for small wooden toys that look to be of elfin manufacture! No more agonizing over buying cheap playthings that will end up in a landfill!

So, instead of searching for thoughtful and age-appropriate presents this year, I went for the edibles.  In a very big way.  I filled the kids' stockings with sure-to-be-consumed Christmas-themed confections - marshmallow Santas, Krisp Kringles, Christmas Peeps - you name it, I stuffed it in there.  Under the tree were 5 wrapped packages of Harry and David Moose Munch (wickedly cheap with my 30%-off coupon at Kohl's), Hot Tamales, and whatever else I could find in my candy-shopping frenzy. 

Oh, and some cheap plastic sleds …

Does She...Or Doesn't She?

Larry and I went to an honest-to-goodness cocktail party on Saturday.  Oh, yes, we did.  Many of my friends and acquaintances were there, and I sat down next to Cheryl, the lovely lady who teaches my David (along with other homeschooled teens) the basics of high school biology and chemistry.  Needless to say, I adore her.  She greeted me with "Oh, I love your hair! Did you just get it done?"

"Yes! Thanks, I like it, too!" [Oh, wasn't I smart to schedule that hair appointment in time for the party?]

She continued gazing at me.  "That color looks really good."

[Oh, dear, does she think I had it colored, or is she just complimenting my natural shade?  Let's move past this.Quickly.]  "Thanks!"

Let me note here that I have never known Cheryl to simply blurt out the first thought that comes into her mind.  Ever.  Her naturally reserved demeanor makes me feel as though I am a chattering magpie.  And yet here she was now, continuing to stare at m…

God Rest Ye, Merry Knitters...

Tonight I scored a sock monkey tree ornament, a snowman cookie plate, and 2 skeins of Happy Feet sock yarn from the Plymouth Sock Company, all from the Yankee Swap gift exchange at my knitting group's annual Christmas party.  Beats my usual evening of editing documents until my eyes fall out, you know?

And by this time tomorrow, my felted Lopi tote nightmare might just be over.  A Lopi tote Christmas seemed like such a fun idea back in October, didn't it?  That's because in October, December seems VERY FAR AWAY.  But it isn't.  It lies in wait just behind Halloween, laughing at my ambitious knitterly plans.

I swear, I can't even remember November.  Did it happen this year?

Self Awareness

I've realized a few things about myself lately:

I am the only blogger alive who does not care whether or not she learns to take better photos.  No matter how you focus it, a finger up the nose is a finger up the nose.

I am never going to be able to eat whatever I want and stay thin.  It only took me 35 years to figure that one out.

Without a baby to take care of, I'm nothing but a disorganized slob without a purpose in life.  What's more, I'm okay with that.

If the above thought starts bothering me, I knit until it goes away.

I really don't like to cook anymore.  I used to.  I even baked my own rye bread, for heaven's sake.  I dabbled in yogurt-making, too.  That's all behind me now.  The time I used to spend cooking, I now spend finding coupons for 5-dollar pizzas and buy one/get one free entrees.  Also?  Kids Eat Free deals...those rock.

I know I sound jaded, but I'm not.  I still get excited about rain puddles, snowstorms, and long walks in the park.

7 Quick Takes: The Anti-Plaid Edition

--- 1 ---
Working on the fifth Lopi tote, folks - I'm getting there.  I think I'll get everything done, so long as I knit constantly between now and December 18th.

--- 2 ---
Theo is home.  I keep forgetting he is here and I get startled each time he walks into a room.

--- 3 ---
Does that only happen to me?

--- 4 ---
Larry, David, and Brian are all going on the Winter Survival camp out for Boy Scouts this weekend.  Sounds  Really.  Guess I'll just have to hold down the (comfortably warm) fort here at home.  I'm okay with that.

--- 5 ---
Oh, yes, Larry and I had a little disagreement this week.  Something to do with a shirt that had gone missing...

Larry: Hey, have you seen my shirt?

Me: Shirt?  What shirt?

Larry: The one hanging on the back of the bathroom door - I was going to wear it to church.

Me:  Oh, the one that didn't match the khaki pants you're wearing?  The ugly plaid one with the blue background and yellow stripes?

Larry: Yeah, the new pla…

Letter to NPR

Dear NPR,

Thank you so much for your informative piece on a scientific study of temper tantrums. It fascinated me to learn (after 20 years of parenting) that children have tantrums because they are angry and unhappy.  What's more, your piece informed me that you can't reason with a child having a tantrum.  Imagine that!  You could have knocked me over with a feather on that one.  I am glad to see that our research dollars are being well-spent on studies such as these rather than wasted on searching for silly cures for cancer.

I am hoping you will air more studies of equal value to your listeners.  Might I suggest a few titles for future scientific research segments?

Teenage Years:  Not the Age of Reason

Money, in Fact, Does NOT Grow on Trees

Women Prefer To Hear That They Do Not Look Fat

Thank you again for your commitment to bringing cutting-edge science to the masses.


Faithful Listener

7 Quick Takes: Christmas Crafting Edition

--- 1 ---
I've still got mashed potatoes from Thanksgiving in my refrigerator.  I just wanted to put that out there.  You're welcome.

--- 2 ---
I'm knitting my fourth Lopi tote.  No pictures, because I haven't felted any of them yet.  I figured I would save time by doing them all at once.  It may have been wiser to felt the first one right away, to make sure I liked the way they come out.  But I cannot even consider the possibility that they might all look horrible.  I have no other Christmas gifts planned, aside from some cookies or fudge. 

Christmas Crafting without a net - that's what I"m doing...
--- 3 ---
Larry went away on yet another management retreat.  He says they are "team building."  Is that what Herman Cain said to his wife?

--- 4 ---
Poor Larry - the last thing he would do is philander, if only for the practical reason that he doesn't have the time.  Whenever he hears of an acquaintance or work colleague having an affair, he shakes his…