Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Stage Mother-itis

Yesterday's post might have made some of you wonder if this blog were going to devolve into a "bragging about my kids' amazing talents" type of place. I mean, here was my super-brilliant son coming within 7 of the correct number of chocolates in the jar! He's amazing!

Except, um, I helped. Under the guise of teaching Brian how to measure volume, I showed him how to count up, and then across, and then across the other side and helped him multiply those numbers. I was heavily invested in his success in this thing. But, hey, I bet all the other parents are doing it, too. And since my kids don't go to school, I don't get to do all their science fair projects and history dioramas for them.

[That science fair project to the left there? The kids' parents helped him. He admits it right here. It doesn't hurt to have a chemistry professor for a mom and a dad who can help you with your "titration graph," whatever the heck that is.]

Do kids do dioramas anymore? Or is it all power point presentations now?

My stage-mother persona needed an outlet, dammit. And I found it in that jar of chocolates. Next step? Well, maybe it will be what any other self-respecting homeschooling mother aims for...the National Spelling Bee. We homeschoolers own it, you know. And have I ever mentioned that way back in 1975, I was 3 people away from going to DC for that particular contest myself? I coulda been a contender.

"Quixotic"...that's the word that got me...and some kid from Puerto Rico won the nationals that year, on "incisor." Sheesh. I knew how to spell "incisor."

"the nationals" - like how I just tossed that one out, as if I were competing in something athletic? Because, yeah, that was the closest I've ever come to winning a trophy in anything. You see, (at least back then) no one would hand you a trophy for wearing dorky eyeglasses and tripping over your own foot while trying to kick a ball. Spelling was my only chance, my way out of the suburban ghetto, as it were...

[Gah - I was searching for an image to slap on here for the National Spelling Bee and I stumbled on this website Vegas Watch that is essentially figuring the odds for particular spelling bee contestants to win - you know, in case you want to start betting on your own kid (or someone else's). ]

Oh, and the correct guess for the chocolates was 540 (Brian - and, uh, myself - guessed 547) - kcinnova got it right off the bat in the first comment. She must help her kids with their homework all the time.


  1. Oh my, I was waaaay off. And I even thought I was doing the counting across and down and multiplying thing. But whenever I think I'm doing math, I'm wrong.

  2. I just want to know how many chocolate balls does Mommy get?

  3. I actually did the math--not carefully enough apparently.

  4. Ooh. Math! Tricky. Too bad about the bee. You should write a Will Ferrel type movie where you find a loop hole in the rules and re-enter the cut throat world of high stakes spelling bees. I want a producer credit.

  5. My kid did a diorama this year. And I let him do it all by himself. And it was great, both the diorama, and the stepping back. I was so pleased for him.

  6. You know why I got the right answer (besides the fact I did the math just like you taught Brian to do)? I used to homeschool. We would play cards to learn multiplication tables. (Kings in the Corner. I should have thought of poker! Uncle Matt is awesome.)
    I can't help my kids with math anymore (except SnakeMaster... he's the same age as Brian). My 14yo needed Geometry help this afternoon. I sent him to his 17yo brainiac brother because Mommy can't remember Geometry. I'm pretty much down with multiplication tables and long division, though.

  7. Girll, you go right on with your proud Mama-self! (You have every right. :) ) And "wreak" got me at the spelling bee. Dang. I feel your pain. ;)

  8. My daughter did the geography bee a couple of years ago. She made it to the final round but got her question wrong only because of the way it was phrased. It was nerve-wracking enough for me to never want to do it again. Seriously, I still have flashbacks.

  9. The other thing I hate is making my kids do their presentations by themselves because that's the point, right? Wrong! The point is to have the best, fanciest trifold board. So my kids go to school with something they spent a lot of time on that looks super lame and they feel bad next to the other kids whose parents have been planning their kids projects for weeks.

  10. why yes, kids still dioramas. my 2nd grader has chosen the emerald tree boa of the amazon rain forests to portray. it's due on friday, along with a report.

    i think it's a fun project, but why couldn't they have worked on this before spring sports started up and kids wanted to play outside all the time?? with all that spring weather and fresh air out there, my 7 year old has a 10 minute attention span for rain forest animals.

    that being said, i think her diorama rocks and that's with me giving HER the paintbrush more often than not!

  11. It was a teaching moment AND a winning moment--win-win, baby.
    I hope you delete my comment yesterday--my guess was SO wrong that I am now deeply ashamed.

  12. Ah, I remember those middle school years, when I was a spelling bee queen, and nobody had yet old me about how wearing glasses and tripping a lot and being good at spelling were the perfect way to stay home alone on a Friday night. Ignorance is bliss.