Friday, March 06, 2009

Hypochondria Unleashed

Well, my Knitpicks order arrived (oh, joy!) and Larry attempted to de-activate my credit card while saying things like, "I was wondering why you didn't go to the commissary this week." He exaggerates - the cupboard isn't that bare. Why, we have old eggs, don't we? And why should I waste good money on food when no one even appreciates it around here? At least I appreciate the knitting supplies, right?

Of course, I'm right. Don't even answer that.

My hypochondria has been getting a workout lately. First there is this article about a freaky incident of toe amputation - and guess who has a pinky toe with a strange callous (sp?) causing a bit of pain, just like in the article? It figures. Then there are my ongoing spasmodic chest pains that are supposedly non-cardiac in nature, but my tendency toward melodrama won't let me believe that. Oh, and don't forget my deep-seated conviction that one day I will be felled by deep-vein thrombosis, because that particular condition has no symptoms whatsoever.

To top it all off, my best friend called me yesterday evening to announce that she had just found bugs crawling in her 6-year-old daughter's hair. Imagine, if you will, a person who has just fallen off a cliff and is phoning you on the way down. That's what she sounded like. Being an empathetic friend, I immediately succumbed to my head lice PTSD. Especially since one of the boys next door is in this girl's classroom....

Yup, he has it, too. And, of course, his twin brother. The kids my children play with all the time and who are welcome in our house at any time because they all stay so happy playing together, which leaves me lots of time to blog.

Excuse me, I need a drink.

Okay, I'm back. So, my friend called the school this morning to inform the school nurse of the situation. She was told that her daughter could be in class today. Apparently, we have one of the school systems stupid enough to abandon its no-nits policy.

Please - just shoot me now.

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23 comments:

  1. Of all my mothering trials, lice is at the top of the list.

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  2. Has your doctor prescribed Xanax for you yet?

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  3. you are really into linking to previous posts this week..what's up with that?

    lice...nits...oh my...starting to itch already...

    franzi

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  4. Yes, I have found that schools do not get as excited about lice as I do. In fact in my personal experience the principal seemed pretty laid back about the whole thing...until I threatened him with the fact that I had just gone through an 80 load box of Tide in two days...and if my kids caught lice at HIS school again, I would load up everything that would require washing from my home and dump it off on his front porch for him to launder. He took his feet off his desk then and took it a smidge more seriously. Can anyone say overwraught mama?

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  5. I'm itching right now.

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  6. Oh my, not nits. Have some chocolate, I'm sure it helps.

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  7. Do not tell me this! My children just played with your children!!!! I'm gonna make them all wash their hair with head and shoulders. I heard that is a good pre-emtive strick.

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  8. I heard about this new policy in some schools of allowing kids with nits to come to school. What do they think nits turn into??? And rather quickly, too! I'm so glad my kids are older and out of school.

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  9. Load those kids up with mouse, hairspray, even a touch of tea tree oil before they leave the house. All things the dreaded head lice are supposed to hate. If nothing else it makes you feel like you are doing something to keep those little nasties from getting on your children! Gross..

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  10. This JUST showed up in my feeds (darn slow feed reader).
    I've had spasmodic chest pains before (and repeatedly since). The only reason I didn't go to the ER/acute care facility was because it was tremendously inconvenient AND my nurse husband decided it wasn't life threatening. If you go, you spend hours there. Oh, wait - you already knew that. I did see a doctor a few days later, who strongly suggested it was my diaphragm that was spasming. So that is what I tell myself when ever it happens. It keeps my panic levels down. Sort of.

    But oh! Now my head is itchy. Really itchy. And my neck, too. ARGGHHHHHH!!!!

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  11. Can you wrap your head in plastic wrap?

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  12. My family went through a terrible bout with lice when I was young. We tried every nasty chemical treatment, washed every sheet, boiled every hairbrush. But you know what worked? Mayonnaise. I'm not even kidding. It stinks and makes your hair slimy for a day or so, but it smothered and killed those mother truckers. It was the only thing that worked for us after MONTHS of the creepy crawly nightmares.

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  13. OMG we have escaped the terror of lice so far but I am still traumatized (as is my Mom I'm sure) from when I had it in kindergarten. AWFUL!!! And I was still an only child at that point, I cannot even imagine what a whole houseful of licey kids would be like.

    Actually I can, that's why I'll send you an emergency bottle of wine ASAP!

    Ick ick ick!

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  14. Where were we? I passed out for just a minute.

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  15. Stop. Stop. Stop. You have apparently, not read my most current post on what I thought might have been over-reactionary in nature. Regarding head lice. It appears that perhaps, I haven't done enough. Oh sure, I know you live across the country from me but lice knows no bounds. Excuse me while I go have several drinks. And check my kids for nits. Again.

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  16. I've never seen Lice and please god, let me never see it.

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  17. God, even I know what a nightmare that is and I have no kids. Start that washing machine!

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  18. I have been sure this week I have mono because it is rampant right now in our schools and my throat is hurting and I am running on exhaustion. Plus my hands hurt and they never have! But I am not a hypochondriac (cough cough). Luckily lice have stayed away from our house-up till now. I am sure I just asked for it with that comment. Good luck!

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  19. Oh no here come the lice flashbacks again! Itch, scratch!
    Gotta go!

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  20. All I know is that I can't stop itching my head.

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  21. OMG! I totally think I am going to get deep vein thrombosis too!!! I once felt a lumpy thing on a vein that was poking out and googled my symptom - fyi, not a good idea. Dr's do not think it is helpful for you to come in with your self-diagnosis on google.

    Also, your bug story just made my head itch. Thank you very much. And, to compound my own personal hell, just today I learned about the beautiful foreign bugs I will encounter in Sudan. In deference to your PTSD, I will not go into specifics, but just know that I will be fending off the Pin Worm and Guniea worm.

    I'm planning on wearing a hazmat suit.

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  22. Ew ew ew. We have lice in our schools and I am TERRIFIED that I will have to deal with that particular terror. Just a couple of weeks ago i got a similar call from a good friend - her son had lice and couldn't take the nit-picking so she had tried to give him a buzz cut. With her husband's beard trimmer. It took all my strength to go over with our buzzer and clean him up to be presentable. I was in and out of there in 10 minutes flat. I don't think she realizes how skeeved I was.

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  23. Sounds traumatic to me! I need to wash my head again now, thanks!

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