|Trim thighs not included|
It's a summertime miracle, folks. For the first time since I've been 12, I'm going to go to the swimming pool without feeling self-conscious about the fit of my swim top. The thought brings tears to my eyes. Even Larry seems a bit choked up by the momentous nature of the occasion, although it may be the cost of my swimwear that is making him emotional. Hey, all this spandex and advanced engineering doesn't come cheap, you know.
So thank you, Lands' End. Now if you could get around to inventing a swimsuit that camouflages the veins on my legs, I would never shop anywhere else.